In a move kind of like—actually, exactly like—taking something that doesn’t belong to you, Russian President Vladimir Putin announced the formal annexation of four Ukrainian provinces yesterday. This dramatic escalation of the war means that Russia is claiming 15% of Ukraine’s territory, or an area the size of Portugal, as its own.

Major annexations like this aren’t really a thing anymore—Putin’s land grab is the largest forced annexation in Europe since World War II, and shows how he views the war in Ukraine as an existential struggle between his country and the Western world.

But as we learned from Finding Nemo, just saying “Mine!” doesn’t mean it’s actually yours. President Biden said Putin’s territorial swipes “have no legitimacy” and G-7 foreign ministers called them an “illegal annexation of sovereign Ukrainian territory.”

In justifying his move, Putin claimed that the people living in the four provinces have “made their choice, an unambiguous choice” to join Russia by voting for annexation in recent elections. But Western governments called those elections fraudulent, and in one occupied region, Ukraine security services said only 30 people voted. Speaking of that, Russia hasn’t fully occupied any of the four regions it annexed, which was made abundantly clear when Ukrainian troops in one of those provinces nearly surrounded Russian forces…at the same time Putin was declaring it was his.

The fallout

The US unleashed a new round of sanctions, including against Russia’s central bank governor. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky responded by formally applying to join NATO on a fast-track timeline, though whether it’ll be approved is unclear.

What it all means: Putin’s land grab comes at a precarious time for Russia—it’s suffered embarrassing losses from the Ukrainian counterattack, and hundreds of thousands of Russians have left their country to avoid being drafted into military service. Some experts are nervous that a politically weakened Putin might consider the literal nuclear option. A Putin ally recently said that Russia using nuclear weapons to defend itself was “certainly not a bluff,” and yesterday Putin claimed that the US set a “precedent” by using nukes on Japan in World War II.—NF

Hurricane Ian slams South Carolina. After rebuilding strength, Ian made landfall in South Carolina yesterday afternoon as a Category 1 hurricane, flooding roads and knocking out power for some. Meanwhile, search and rescue teams were deployed to southwest Florida where the storm first hit, and at least 45 people have been reported dead. The storm is expected to weaken as it moves inland.

The US government votes to keep doing its job. President Biden signed legislation yesterday to fund the government long enough to keep the lights on through Dec. 16, averting a partial shutdown with the midterm elections looming. The House passed the bill mere hours before a midnight deadline to keep federal agencies running (the Senate approved its version on Thursday). The legislation also lays out $18.8 billion for disaster recovery, including rebuilding after Hurricane Ian, and $12.4 billion to help Ukraine fight Russia.

Tua Tagovailoa is out indefinitely. The Miami Dolphins QB, who was taken off the field on a stretcher Thursday night following a head injury, is in concussion protocol and there’s no timetable for his return, Dolphins coach Mike McDaniel said. (Apparently he was laughing at MacGruber on the flight home.) But former NFL players and some neuroscientists are questioning why Tagovailoa was even on the field to begin with, given that he suffered an injury in a game just days before. The league union said earlier this week it will investigate the Dolphins’ concussion evaluation process in that decision.

Legislators are worried about your Frenchie, and not just because he hates his new sweater. California Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill Monday that prevents online pet stores from offering financing for pet sales, a widespread practice that’s trapping pet owners in loans that sometimes end up tripling the cost of their dog, according to the Washington Post.

Some pet stores and online retailers use high-interest loans and leasing agreements that tout low monthly payments and target hopeful pet parents without great credit. One financing company that frequently works with pet stores, EasyPay, says it helps out customers who wouldn’t normally be able to afford the Shih Tzu of their dreams…with a 199% interest rate.

• One elderly couple told the Post that after agreeing to a loan for a $4,595 chihuahua puppy, they realized it would end up costing them almost $20,000 after interest.

Legislators are watching…California isn’t the only state that wants to get rid of the pet price gougers. Eleven other states have banned pet financing, but the current patchwork of regulations makes it impossible to end the practice entirely. At the federal level, a national interest rate cap has been proposed, but it’s currently in congressional limbo.

In the meantime, some states have banned dog- and other pet sales entirely, considering adoption better for both pets and humans.—MM

Tesla unveiled the prototype for its humanoid robot Optimus at the company’s AI showcase yesterday, bringing CEO Elon Musk one step closer to his goal of becoming a real life Dr. No.

The robot walked, waved, and raised the roof live on stage. In videos, it carried boxes around a Tesla office and watered plants with a watering can. That’s a lot of progress since Musk used a person in a spandex suit rather than any hardware to introduce the idea of the robot at Tesla’s inaugural AI Day last August—though any final version could still be years away.

A Tesla engineer said Optimus uses the same AI to detect objects as the Autopilot system the company’s cars use.

Despite conjuring images of a sci-fi dystopia, Musk insists his robot is “friendly.” He plans to put them to work in Tesla’s factories first, but ultimately envisions a consumer robot that can do things like run errands or be a companion.

Musk sees big money in a roboticized future. He said last night that he expects the robot to cost less than a car (sub $20k), stressing that it’s being designed for mass production. And he plans to sell a lot of them—he’s said in the past that Tesla’s robots will someday be worth more than its cars.

Also, he’s probably happy to get everyone talking about something besides his texts. —AR

Stat: More than half of Britons think their brand-new prime minister, Liz Truss, should resign. Truss, who took office on Sept. 6, has already managed to throw global markets into turmoil during her short time in office by proposing massive tax cuts for the rich despite monster inflation and a costly plan to subsidize energy bills. Though the Bank of England stepped in to shore up bond markets and help the pound bounce back from record lows, Truss isn’t about to win any popularity contests. According to a YouGov poll, 51% of 5,000 Britons surveyed think she should step down, and so do 36% of her own party’s voters.

Quote: “Destruction is proportionate, especially as it does not necessarily mean that the chocolate as such would have to be destroyed.”

Some chocolate Easter bunnies are about to get boiled: Switzerland’s highest court ruled this week that German retailer Lidl must destroy its stock of gold foil-covered, cottontail-shaped treats. Why? To protect fellow chocolate bunny maker Lindt from copycat candies. The Swiss chocolatier has fought several court battles to protect its well-known confection since scoring an EU trademark in 2000.

Read: What happens to your text messages after you die? (Slate)

Weekend conversation starters:

• What are the best ’90s albums and songs?
• How lonely are London’s NFL fans?
• What’s a TV show you couldn’t stop watching, even after it stopped being good?
• How big is infinity?

Population density: The world’s population is about to hit 8 billion. Here’s a look at how all those people are spread across the world.

Brew crossword: Every single letter of the alphabet is represented in today’s special crossword. Play it here.

Open House

Welcome to Open House, the only newsletter section that firmly believes fall = daydreaming about New England. We’ll give you a few facts about a listing and you try to guess the price.

Today’s home is in Marblehead, MA, a quaint, seaside town just 17 miles north of Boston. This 4,370 square foot house has some old-school charm, but it was built in 1982, so there’s central air. Amenities include:

• 4 beds, 4 baths
• Brand-new white oak flooring
• Two private balconies to linger on as you curse the sea

How much for the one Massachusetts house that doesn’t include any 1800s-era ghost kids in nightgowns?

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