Are you running towards your career goals?

We have just three months of 2022 left and at the risk of sounding like Gary Vee — how much do you want what you say you want in your career?

Today we explore some of the excuses you might have been holding onto and the reasons there could have been more talk than action so far this year.

It is tough love time dear readers.

The kind of tough love my clients might get in their coaching sessions.

Here are some of their reflections at the end of our sessions together, about what they valued and how they would describe my coaching style.

“Direct, 'no bullshit' approach”

“Badass self-assured energy that I find really inspiring… it pushes me to get my shit together… to show you that it's not just talk and that I can do the things I aspire to do”

“A tiny dose of Tiger-parenting packaged with a whole load of empathy and support”

I’m bringing some of this energy to the posts this October. Keep reading for a two-part series starting with this post today on committing to your work, and in two weeks’ time, removing distractions in pursuit of relentless execution. Let me know in the comments about your own experiences, and any additional tips you might have for this community, too

Of course you want it all

I would be a very wealthy woman if I was paid every time someone in my coaching practice told me they wanted greater ‘freedom’, ‘purpose’, ‘impact’ and ‘income’ from their work as well as more time off work, for more ‘balance’.

Not surprising — who wouldn’t?

The ultimate dream being to earn the most amount of money to do the most interesting/creative/fulfilling work whilst also having lots of free time.

Notice my use of the word dream here?

Whilst you may very well create this situation in your career or perhaps you have already have (in which case, please tell us your secrets!) it typically takes a long time to achieve all of these goals at one time.

Most people will achieve one of these first, often at the expense of the others, and then be rewarded over time with the benefits of the others.

For example:

• The humanitarian aid worker who works long hours for little pay but for the most fulfilling work… to one day trade these experiences in to advise NGOs earning a high day rate with lots of free time

• The investment banker who starts at the bottom doing the grunt work in exchange for the high salary and works their way to the top earning the right to take on more interesting projects or lots of time off (joking about the free time they are still an investment banker!)

• The entrepreneur who works hard on an important problem for years, taking home little pay before achieving a breakthrough and is finally able to hire support and raise enough money to enjoy the fruits of their labour

Career paths that offer a lot of free time early on in your path often tend to be less fulfilling, have fewer growth opportunities and/or pay less.

Coming at you with a sad dose of reality today, I did warn you.

However, many of my millennial peers and Gen Z expect to have all three gains at start of their career as the reward for simply showing up. Or as a result of comparing the lives of others on social media who do appear to have it all. There is a lack of acknowledgement about the true work involved in getting to this point.

The Career Trilemma

The lesson I want to get across here is one of sacrifice and the trade offs that occur in terms of time/money/fulfilment whilst building your career.

We make trade offs on one or two, ideally in the pursuit of working towards a future where one day we have all three.

In your own life and career, which one or two have you been maximising?

If you have a young family, time to spend with your kids may feel priceless so it would make a lot of senes to accept one of the other trade offs in pursuit of more of it. If you are single and earlier on in your career you may be willing to sacrifice time to earn the most money as possible — and then hope to seek out more meaningful work later once you’ve built stronger foundations.

Some people go through their entire careers ‘sacrificing’ one of these in pursuit of the others and never have all three.

There is no right or wrong here — it’s about what YOU personally value.

Just know that you likely have to give something up in pursuit of what you claim to want.

Whilst prepping for today’s post I found an article in the more ‘bro’ sphere of the internet which gave more examples, such as how many people will say they want want to be ‘next Elon Musk’ but the reality of being Elon means working in 120 hour weeks and missing family events and your own birthday year year out. (NY Times reported on the 'excruciating toll' of being the CEO of Tesla.) They don’t really want that.

This Tweet pretty much sums it up:

Varinder Bansal 🇮🇳 @varinder_bansal

Did you know that world's 10 richest men have had 13 total divorces. 🤦🏻

1:21 PM ∙ May 4, 2021

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1,559Likes210Retweets

Career success often comes at the expense of success in other areas, such as a stable marriage in these billionaire’s cases.

Whilst this an extreme example, remember how every single decision we make in life means not choosing something else.

Define your motivations

Human behaviour can be mapped out in terms of our drives either towards pleasure or away from pain.

As coaches we try to understand whether a client is being motivated 'Away-from' what they DON'T want, or being motivated ‘Towards' what they DO.

It could be a combination of the two.

E.g “I don’t want to be bored” is an ‘away-from’ motivation that seeks more interesting work. The same person being motivated ‘towards’ interesting work is likely curious about a specific work stream enough to make sacrifices to pursue it.

I hear many ‘away-froms’, where people want to avoid being ‘bored’, or ‘burnt out’ or ‘poor’ or ‘unfulfilled’ but then lack clarity about what they are motivated towards, specifically.

This lack of clarity prevents their ability to make good decisions and trade offs because the ‘towards’ motivation is too fuzzy to be truly compelling.

To help you figure out what you are actually motivated towards in your career, a comparison exercise can be helpful.

Here’s hypothetical narrative from a coaching client conversation:

Client: I want to start a business

Me: Great — on a scale of 1-10 how much do you want this?

Client: Umm.. quite a lot. Maybe an 8?

Me: So what else do you want in the next year that could also take up your time or money?

Client: I also want to start a family, to buy a house, to brush up my violin skills, and go to Hawaii.

Me: Let’s rate each of those

Client: Family: 9, House: 10, Violin: 7, Hawaii: 8

Me: So you want a family and a house more than the business, and you’d be willing to forgo the violin, but not necessarily the holiday to start a business?

Client: Yes, that sounds about right.

Me: Hmm. But what if in reality it was really possible to have just two of these?

Client: I definitely want the family and the house but I also really want the business to happen, really soon. Ideally in the next 12 months.

…

This is where our trilemma rears its ugly head.

It’s really hard to have all of them, all at once.

Don’t believe me? Ask Drake who says, ‘want a lot, can’t have everything’.

I am not trying to quash your dreams today people but show you why you might not be any closer to the goals you said you wanted at the start of the year, now we are in the final Quarter.

Maybe you just want other things more.

And that is okay — more than okay. Just be honest about the reality of these choices and if you are truly interested in prioritising a new career move or business idea know that you may need to invest more time or more money in making this happen than you’d ideally want to give it.

When I started my business I invested close to £8,000 before I had made a penny back. On my coach training, a business coach/mentor (actually a few!), a designer, website… you get the picture.

That’s because after years of talking about starting a coaching business I was done with my excuses. This investment was my ‘no turning back point’ aka sunk cost. I had put my money where my mouth was so I had to actually do the work involved in making my business a reality, otherwise see that money go to waste.

Sometimes I pay for online courses now which are in the £100-300 range.

If I don’t do them I can justify that the money was not ‘that much’ and I can forget I made that decision to do whatever it was I had said I’d wanted. Oops.

It’s not always about the money.

For you it might be the time — if that’s a more highly prized asset.

Whichever it is, consider which you might be willing to hand over in pursuit of committing to what you want.

Not give up forever, but in the short term.

It’s a cliche but the most brilliant inventions and career successes do not happen accidentally; they are the work of people who have grafted consistently and prioritised those goals.

So I will ask you again — this career path or business you have in mind, are you really committed, and if so, what are you willing to give up to make it happen?

If starting a business is on your priority list this year then I have good news for you.

The Ask is running its next Talent to Money Bootcamp.

For a limited time only, this Bootcamp is for first time founders ready to launch a profitable business in under three months. Details here.

Get the support you need to refine your idea, build self-belief, find & appeal to your customers, create a marketing strategy and make a profit. By the new year you could launch your own business, thanks to the powerful combination of support on offer including:

• In-depth business coaching & mentoring (6 x 90 min sessions)

• Weekly co working and accountability to work on your business (5 x 60 min sessions)

• Peer-learning and support throughout

• Lifetime access to session recordings and tools

• Bonus personalised coaching session (1 or 4 hours)

I’ve poured A LOT of time and love into building this Bootcamp and it’s exactly what I wish I’d had at the start of my journey. After helping 50+ new founders launch businesses with The Ask, and a 10 year career working with startups, this is the content that will actually move the needle for you and remove the guess work involved in starting a brand new business for the first time.

We wrapped up cohort one just a few weeks ago and so I am really excited to be able to run another one this side of 2022 for those who couldn’t join us in the summer.

We had a group of incredible new founders, building businesses across the creative, editorial, fashion and coaching space.

People like Anmol — who has a message for you:

Spaces are limited and its a first-come-first serve application process — check out the details and apply now, to take up this limited opportunity to get a huge amount of value in your business building journey at a lower-investment than private coaching.

That’s it for today. Thank you as always for reading! Stay tuned for part 2 on finding focus and executing on your goals next time.

Ellen Donnelly, Founder + Chief Coach, The Ask.