Kind of like saying you’re gonna stop texting an ex, setting boundaries is easier said than done. Even though you know doing so is good for you. So if you’re looking for a sign to start prioritizing your mental health and building realistic boundaries, HERE IT IS.

This week, we'll talk about how to set them and stick to them. But first, a reminder of what we covered last week: 

• What stress is and why it’s not all bad.
• Why you should focus on how your body responds to stressful situations.
• How to anticipate your stress and alleviate it with progressive muscle relaxation.

And you shouldn’t have to. Playing the roles of partner, employee, caregiver, etc. can be a struggle. No surprise, all these additional jobs can lead to extra stress. 

In a 2021 Skimm survey, 68% of respondents (who were all moms) said that work-life balance was more challenging that year than in the past. Over three-quarters of moms said they’d felt a loss of personal space or time over the last six months. And 63% of moms cited concerns about their mental health in the same period.

Those numbers line up with a September survey of Skimm’rs: Only 33% of all Skimm’rs surveyed said they’d felt happy in the last week. Of millennial women, 36% said they were feeling ‘anxious,’ 35% said ‘stressed,’ and 34% said ‘overwhelmed’ (they were allowed to choose up to three feelings). Skimm’rs appear to be part of a national trend when it comes to millennial women in recent years: more are identifying mental health challenges and seeking treatment. 

^Roughly the number of women ages 18 to 44 in 2021 who received mental health treatment within the last year. A jump from about 24% in 2019. So, if you think it's high time to address your mental health, you're not alone. 

EXPERT INTERVIEWED

Psst…ready to work with a pro? BetterHelp can help you meet your match.

You can’t be ‘on’ all the time. And you shouldn’t be. Because you’re not a robot. You’re a human who needs to protect her time. Having the solo space to relax, unplug, and sleep will help ensure you’re the best version of yourself. 

Maybe your ‘why’ is a photo of yourself when you were burned out and unhappy, and you want to avoid looking like that again. Maybe it’s thinking of your future, and wanting to make sure you’re physically and mentally healthy for yourself and your family years down the road. Or maybe it’s your kid counting on you to be somewhere at a certain time, and you don’t want to let them down. 

Make sure your reasons for creating boundaries are “crystal clear,” Rubenstein says. “Because you’re gonna get pushback. You’re changing the norms, and anytime we change anything — good or bad — people have to adjust.”

Here are some boundaries to consider making, if they align with your ‘why’:

📎 At work...

• Stick to your scheduled work hours. Yes, even if you WFH: US employees logged three extra hours of work daily in 2021, according to survey data. 
• Feel empowered to call out those tasks you keep getting asked to do that aren’t in your domain. That could be hard, Rubenstein says. “But I also have found that the more my clients do this, [the more] managers and the higher-ups respect them.”

🏡 At home...

• Recognize that you don’t have to do all of the shopping, cleaning, and cooking. You can try outsourcing some of those tasks (either to a professional or a friend or family member).
• Take five minutes of solitude when you step through the door. And think about it like a “mental reset” before you're allowed to carry on with your day. Because "sometimes, it's about survival," Rubenstein says. "It’s figuring out what you need to first just get through. And then to thrive."
• Ask your partner or support person for help with one specific task, like dinner on Thursday nights. Then “slowly build and learn as you go,” says Rubenstein. She emphasized that in some relationships there can be a “learning curve,” where one person doesn’t understand what’s on the household to-do list — even if it’s obvious to the other. (See: taking out the trash, refilling the soap dispenser, preparing lunches.) “The home situation is a lot more dynamic than the work situation,” she says. And those boundaries can evolve.

🥳 In your social life...

• Remember that ‘no' is a complete sentence. Because sometimes you need to prioritize yourself over showing up for plans with someone else. If you need to sit it out, do that, but be honest about why you canceled.

• Take a 24-hour break from screens over the weekend to make sure you're more present (and less stressed) with loved ones and/or nature. Enter: forest bathing.

• Prioritize a regular walk or fitness class — alone or with a crew — to get more in touch with your body, have a sense of purpose, and, as studies suggest, have more energy and motivation to be there for your people.

YOUR MOVE

🗓️ It’s time for a ‘calendar audit.’

That’s the term Rubenstein has for taking a close look at the activities that make up your week, and assessing them. What you’re looking for: whether each task/chore/meeting/class is energizing, depleting, or neutral.

• First, come up with a color-coding system or a few words that describe your feelings right after each activity on your calendar. And don’t assume you’ll remember how you felt later on (you probably won’t, Rubenstein says). Write those feelings down ASAP.

• Then, create a bank of things that energize or light you up. Important, because without them, you risk your energy tank hitting zero. 

• Prepare for a new day or week by peppering in more of those energizing and neutral activities between the draining ones. And stick to them like you would a doctor’s appointment. Because both are crucial for your health.

If you need help finding refueling activities, “use your senses,” says Rubenstein. Think: touch (putting on lotion or stretching), sight (looking at a photo album), hearing (calling a friend or putting on a song), smell (lighting a candle), taste (having a sip of warm tea or cold water with lemon). 

WHAT'S NEXT

Because if you’re feeling chronic stress, you don’t need to deal with it alone. And you shouldn’t. We’ll break down the science of finding the right person to talk to. 

Skimm’d by Carly Mallenbaum, Anthony Rivas, Karell Roxas, and Jane Ackermann 

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