Confession time: I am terrible at sharing when it comes to business.

Now, I’m nervous that I’ve said that, as it makes me sound, well, mean. uncaring. Un-freelance. But I’m not talking about sharing the love (eg reposting on social, or passing on the name of someone you know can do the right job for someone else), I’m talking about more than that. About buddying up, about sharing clients.

Oh lord, I feel even worse!

But it’s important to say these things - as I know there are many of you who will be relating.

Let’s go with an example. Imagine you’re having a coffee with a friend who is also freelance, or perhaps talking to a contact you know well at a networking event. You mention a new idea. YOUR IDEA. You are just saying what it is. Before you know it, they’ve got super excited and they’re talking about how it would be amazing to launch it together!

You’ve been thrown onto a log flume/rollercoaster and you’re not even sure when you boarded.

I flinch at the very idea of going into business with someone. Of sharing a business, or having a business partner.

Wondering where this all came from, I find two culprits: School, and journalism.

I went to private schools, and, until I was 13, one school, a prep (AKA preparatory) school for boys that ‘took girls’ had ‘form orders’ which were the average scores of termly exams, posted on a board for all to see. I was usually second behind a boy called Ben who I loved desperately. Ben and I were top of the class, and nobody was ever in front of us.

I can still see the board, clear as day, with those pieces of paper pinned into it. My name was up there, alone, just me - I had done that. I think it instilled a lone wolf mentality in me. I didn’t share, I was in competition, mainly with Ben.

Years later, as a writer and journalist, especially on women’s weekly magazines, it was all about competition there, too. You bid for stories from agencies against other magazines. You guarded your contacts book with your life.

I have been conditioned by my work in journalism not to share. Contacts? Protect them with your life! Information? Keep it locked in a cupboard! Ideas? God forbid you post them on a forum or social media to get feedback!

In the world of journalism, it’s not unknown for people to believe that an editor has taken your pitch and commissioned someone on the staff team. I see tweets about it all the time. The competitive nature of pitching story ideas makes you simultaneously paranoid and protective of all you do.

Then, a few years ago, my world changed when I retrained as a coach. I entered a world of collaboration, sharing, of bigging each other up, and it is still very alien to me. I was drawn into narratives of there needing to be a seat at the table for everyone, and that collaborating was a wonderful thing. However, I didn’t get that feeling back from everyone. Essentially, I realised, there is a healthy competition in business, whether we like it or not.

The other issue I have is that not everyone does share. Not everyone does have your best interests at heart. Business is competition, by its very nature. You only have to watch an episode of The Apprentice or Dragon’s Den to see that. The dragons are in competition, they fight it out to win a new deal. The Apprentice is, of course, panto-style competition, but it’s competition nonetheless.

Is that bad to say? Is it unfriendly of me?

I don’t want to work alongside everyone, and I’m sure you don’t too. You won’t get on with everyone you meet along the way as a freelancer, and you certainly won’t feel comfortable recommending everyone.

I have come to realise that sharing the love - reposting for someone, recommending them on LinkedIn, telling someone about them who might want to work with them - is a personal choice. I have certain coaches in different niches that I would recommend, for example, if I’m not the right coach for a client.

I also have other journalists that I know I can trust to tell a contact about and vice versa. I don’t share all my contacts with everyone - they’re not mine to share.

When I began Freelance Feels, I quickly settled on a cactus as the symbol, and writing this has reminded me why: “Freelancers are like cacti - tough, but we still need love and water.”

All cacti are different, and we’re spiky, too! We’re not all going to work well in the same soil, and we’re not going to appeal to everyone.

My message is to do sharing your way - if you feel any pressure to share, to recommend, to collaborate with someone you don’t know or fully trust (yet), then take a step back and assess whether the offer of sharing is right for you, too.

It’s ok to say no, and to say you’ll do something alone. After all, being a freelancer is often about being a lone wolf. And, just like in those days at school, sometimes it is nice to win that client or do the work by yourself, for yourself. Even if Ben is often one step ahead. Turns out I think it was just a crush, anyway.

Freelance things for you this month:

There’s still time to grab a ticket to the CV workshop for freelance writers, journalists and copywriters TOMORROW (Thursday 2nd) at 11.30am.

Fellow Freelancers is a platform for, well, fellow freelancers! With talks and info to help you feel less alone

Maybe Someday is a Substack covering ‘Brutally honest advice on how to make it through IVF without losing yourself’

AWARDS! Entries are open for the Digital Women Awards and the Startups magazine Hustle Awards

Three simple steps to updating your freelance LinkedIn today

Cotswolds-based? Come and flex the confidence networking muscles if you’re local to me in Chipping Norton (or find a spot that’s closer to you) at Business Buzz on Feb 14th. (Tickets are £8).

What’s it like being a freelance adventurer? Levison Wood shares his story on the Freelance Feels podcast

My fave TikTok for freelancers

Is it time you looked at your LinkedIn more…? Head to insta via the link below to discuss!

freelance_feels

A post shared by Jenny Holliday | Freelance Feels | Business Coach (@freelance_feels)

See you in March!

Jenny