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Editor's note: We'll be off tomorrow in observance of Cesar Chavez Day, and back in your inbox on Monday.
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Hahahahaha…what???
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Fucking buckle up, everyone. The Manhattan grand jury investigating disgraced former president Donald Trump’s hush money payment to adult film actress Stormy Daniels voted! to! indict! the former president on Thursday, according to five anonymous sources. He will be the first former president in American history to face criminal charges. Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg inherited this case from his predecessor Cy Vance, and initially received backlash from both Democrats and those in his own office for declining to pursue an indictment related to the fraudulent valuation tactics he used in his real estate business. His office decided to pursue the Daniels case instead.
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But wait—didn’t every major news outlet tell us just a few days ago that the Grand Jury would adjourn until the end of April? Yes. The recess was set to begin next week, but the grand jury was already scheduled to meet today in the Manhattan courthouse at 2 p.m., and its voting procedures are fairly unambiguous, requiring a simple majority. It should be noted that anonymous sources have been kind of…wrong about certain details related to this case in recent days, so there is a chance that certain details of this reporting are also in some way erroneous, but as I speed-write this digest as fast as my little fingers can go, the indictment has been confirmed by most of the major news outlets and Bragg himself. Less than one hour after the indictment news broke, Trump’s own lawyers confirmed as well.
- Despite leading Meatball Ron DeSanctimonious by huge margins in most GOP presidential primary polls, Trump has experienced a series of major setbacks in the past few weeks across the various investigations of his many crimes. In the past week, judges have ruled that former vice president Mike Pence, former chief of staff Mark Meadows, and other former Trump aides must testify in front of a different grand jury investigating his efforts to overturn the 2020 election. The White House and the Justice Department both declined to comment on Thursday’s indictment.
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Exciting as all of this is, a great deal remains murky…
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As of now, there are quite a few things we just don’t know. In particular, the charges laid out in the indictment are still unknown, because it has yet to be unsealed. However, an indictment of any kind is likely to shake-up the Republican presidential primary field, which Trump currently leads comfortably, and U.S. politics more generally. It’s important to note, though, that neither indictment nor conviction would prohibit him from running for office. Could he run for president from prison as a practical matter? We may live to find out, I guess!
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We also don’t know whether the scope of the indictment exceeds the hush money payment per se. (Does it include obstruction of justice? Other crimes?) But I guess that’s all part of the fun for now. We also don’t exactly know how Trump’s unhinged GOP allies in Congress will react to this, let alone his legions of loyal followers who were planning to make him the next GOP presidential nominee for 2024. We do know that when the indictment was announced on Fox News, there were audible gasps from the studio panel. Pretty good stuff if you ask me!
For his part, Trump responded to news of the indictment by releasing a lengthy, characteristically-batshit statement, calling it “political Persecution and Election Interference at the highest level in history.” He made sure to include all of his key phrases in the five-paragraph screed: “Mueller hoax,” “witch hunt” “Radical Left Democrats,” “funded by George Soros”—he really played the hits! Here’s the last thing we know: whether he surrenders voluntarily or is arrested, the guy is gonna have to be arraigned, get fingerprinted, submit to a mugshot, the whole nine. He is expected to be arraigned in the next week. As much of an unrepentant criminal as the man is, we kind of never thought we’d see this! Happy indictment day, folks! May we celebrate many more together.
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Lovett or Leave It: The Errors Tour is hitting the road this summer! The Errors Tour brings this big gay live comedy and variety show to states that are totally into that, plus a few other states that had no say in the matter. Join as Jon Lovett and a motley crew of comedians, actors, journalists, politicians, and queer icons dive into the latest chaos in the news and pop culture while raising money to fight trans bans and protect trans kids. Expect games, sketches, perfect jokes, jokes that were worth a shot, and an overall great fucking time- even if we’re mad as hell. It’s a weird moment in history. The Errors Tour is ready to make it weirder.
*$1 of every Lovett or Leave It 2023 Errors Tour ticket sold will be donated directly to the Vote Save America F*ck Bans: Leave Queer Kids Alone Fund. You can take action too by donating at www.votesaveamerica.com/fuckbans
TICKETS HERE
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Russia has charged U.S. Wall Street Journal correspondent Evan Gershkovich with spying. The White House announced that the State Department was in direct contact with the Kremlin regarding his detention. This case will undoubtedly put further strain on the already threadbare relations between Moscow and Washington. Gershkovich is the highest-profile American to be targeted and detained since basketball star Brittney Griner’s 10-month ordeal last year. Russia’s intelligence agency the FSB said it arrested Gershkovich, who has been working as a journalist in the country for six years, on grounds of suspected “spying in the interests of the American government,” by collecting information about “one of the enterprises” in the Russian military-industrial complex, but did not specify which. Under Russian law, espionage can be punishable by up to 20 years in prison. The Journal released a statement saying it “vehemently denies the allegations from the FSB and seeks the immediate release of our trusted and dedicated reporter.” Russian state TV has been running lengthy segments on Gershkovich, calling him an “openly propagandist character.” So what, exactly, has Gershkovich done to garner this level of castigation and legal retribution? Well, he has recently released several articles detailing the unraveling of the Russian economy as a result of Western sanctions, a depleted labor force, and heavily strained government finances.
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A notoriously corrupt Republican federal judge in Texas has blocked enforcement of the ACA’s preventative health-care mandate, threatening to gut free access to HIV-prevention treatments, cancer screenings, and other preventative health services.
The White House stated it has new evidence that Russia is looking to its ally North Korea for weapons in exchange for providing Pyongyang with food and other commodities.
A deadly crash involving two Army Black Hawk helicopters killed nine people during a training exercise in Kentucky at Fort Campbell.
French President Emmanuel Macron’s effort to ram through legislation raising the country’s retirement age is splintering his own cabinet.
According to a Washington Post analysis, Twitter’s “For You” timeline algorithm tends to amplify hate speech, instead of showing users more of what they want. All of us who use the platform could have told you that.
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said today that banking regulation and supervisory rules may be too lax, and need to be re-examined in the wake of the Silicon Valley Bank and Signature Bank failures. Yeah, you think?
Derrick Miller, a military policy aide for Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) is a convicted war criminal. Honestly, that tracks!
The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times announced they will not pay for Twitter Blue, the new subscription-based verification service to get a blue check mark, because as they (and many of us) see it “verification no longer establishes authority or credibility.” Other news and media companies will also likely forego the subscription. Another job well done, Elon!
Conservative Christian Hillsdale College in Michigan has ended its partnership with the Tallahassee Classical School, a Florida charter school that ousted its principal after a parent complained that Michaelangelo’s “David” statue was “pornographic.” Too batshit conservative for even Hillsdale College!! A new record for the "parental rights" folks.
A group of Utah Republicans plans to (implicitly) accuse Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT) of treason against the Republican Party during an upcoming state convention, and will move to censure him for “anti-Republican” acts, such as his votes to convict disgraced former president Donald Trump after both of his 2019 and 2021 impeachment trials.
GWYNETH PALTROW INNOCENT (for the skiing accident, definitely guilty of selling woo-woo snake oil).
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In one of the most high-profile prosecutions stemming from the January 6 insurrection, at least four FBI informants were approached to testify for the defense. Two more are themselves on trial. One of the informants was a man who went only by “Aaron,” and joined the Kansas City Chapter of the far-right group the Proud Boys in 2019. He had been working with federal law enforcement for a decade. Federal prosecutors undermined Aaron’s credibility, saying that he deleted evidence and repeatedly understated his own participation in the riot, as well as the culpability of the Proud Boys as an organization. The case of “Aaron” and informants like him highlight the intelligence failures that both led to and exacerbated the events of January 6. The FBI was embarrassingly unprepared despite having inroads to groups like the Proud Boys. Aaron admitted to entering the Capitol without FBI authorization and concealed that he helped prop open a gate for other rioters. Evidence shown in the court proceedings indicates that many of the FBI informants inside the Proud Boys were only asked to give information about their ideological opponents on the left, like the nebulous “antifa,” despite the fact that the Proud Boys were implicated in threats and violence across the United States. Hmm…seems like American law enforcement might have a right-wing extremist problem? If only someone had told us.
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The Willow project is a disastrous drilling plan that could produce more than 260 million metric tons of greenhouse gases. That’s a staggering climate impact equivalent to driving 56 million cars or operating nearly 70 coal fired power plants for one year.
Millions of Americans stood up to say no to this climate bomb, putting tremendous pressure on the White House, but Biden approved this project and derailed his own climate goals.
This fight is not in vain and not over. Earthjustice is now taking this fight to the courts.
We are too far along in the climate crisis to approve massive oil and gas projects. To keep from overshooting the 1.5C target of the Paris Agreement, scientists and global bodies including the International Energy Agency say we must halt all new investments in fossil fuel supplies.
Help up stop the largest oil and gas project on U.S. public lands.
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