🚨 I published a few notes on Substack Notes, a new space on Substack to share links, short posts, quotes, etc. More to come too.

To understand home, you need to leave

American exceptionalism! We love it. Politicians get asked about it so much they even have a stock answer: “Of course America’s the greatest! Look at my flag pin! I’ve got the constitution in my pocket! I sh*t red, white, and blue! I’ll shotgun a Coors Light and drone strike a wedding right now, motherf@$%r!”

That’s why Barack Obama’s response, when asked about the concept in 2009, stood out:

I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism…The fact that I am very proud of my country and I think that we’ve got a whole lot to offer the world does not lessen my interest in recognizing the value and wonderful qualities of other countries, or recognizing that we’re not always going to be right, or that other people may have good ideas, or that in order for us to work collectively, all parties have to compromise and that includes us.

Wow, remember when we had a President who could complete a full sentence? That was nice. Moreover, it’s an astounding reply because, while it’s prideful, it also acknowledges 1) other countries exist/matter, 2) patriotism makes people everywhere big up their homeland, 3) culture isn’t some zero sum game, 4) America is sometimes wrong and others have good ideas too, and 5) there’s value in collective action and compromise. In short, it’s the least American answer a person could give.

His empathetic perspective makes sense considering he lived in Indonesia for years. Once you spend time abroad, “America is #1” sloganeering comes off as jingoistic propaganda. Yet weirdly, going overseas can also be the best way to fall in love with America. Either way, you get a deeper picture. Because to truly understand home, you need to leave it.

Mad world

Travelling is a glorious mindf*ck that constantly makes you reevaluate everything. You continually ask, “Why?” Over and over, you wonder, “Back home, do we [insert random thing here] our way because it’s better – or just because, well, that’s how we’ve always done it?”

In the rest of the world, people bag their own groceries, use the metric system, eat Nutella instead of peanut butter, speak multiple languages, and write the day before the month. People expect less personal space, rarely smile at strangers, and drive tiny cars (if they drive at all). Also, they’re not obese and old folks ride bicycles regularly. Crazy, eh?

Legal stuff: You almost never sign a waiver form. Why? Because two-thirds of the lawyers in the world are American and we’re wildly litigious compared to anywhere else. And try explaining to a foreigner how Americans believe you’re innocent until proven guilty yet also do perp walks: “You have paparazzi photograph someone in handcuffs before they’ve been convicted!? Your justice system is okay with this?” “Um, yeah. Actually, they set it up.” That’s when you get that look foreigners give to Americans; it’s somewhere between an eye roll, a resigned sigh, and a bemused smirk.

The road forces you to throw “normal” out the window. In developing countries, you regularly see an entire family riding a single motorbike. In Vietnam, you learn they call it the American Imperialist War (because every war they’ve ever fought is a “Vietnam War”). Opium and coca leaves are banned in the US, but in countries like Thailand and Bolivia, they’re medicine. Ask Japanese people what it should take to buy a gun. Ask Germans to name an appropriate corporate tax rate. 2 weeks vacation time? Workers in countries like the UK, France, Italy, and Spain get more than 30 days. In America, the retirement age is 67. Yet French people are rioting in the streets due to their President’s push to raise the country’s retirement age to 64 (from 62).

Go to enough places and, sooner or later, you’ll reach an inevitable conclusion: Americans are a bunch of freaks. And the strangest thing of all is how few of us even realize it.

(By the way, I realize advocating travel is, in the parlance of los kids, a “privileged” notion. However, I spent a chunk of my 20’s backpacking to far flung places around the world and discovered it can be surprisingly affordable if you’re willing to step outside your comfort zone, go places with favorable exchange rates, eat food from markets instead of restaurants, avoid tourist traps, and sleep on trains and/or in a room with seven other dudes – one of whom is almost always a comically loud snorer. You don’t have to go to that expensive AF place everyone on Instagram goes to take selfies; go three stops further and there’s usually a spot that’s a fraction of the price.)

More data

Back home, the Americans who’ve never gone anywhere seem to be the loudest, blaring opinions about how we should do things. It’s like listening to scientists who refuse to examine any experiment conducted by others.

To make good decisions, you need data. The larger the sample size, the better. And then you need to compare it. Yet in America, we constantly base our decisions on the experimental group (i.e. America) without even considering the control group (the rest of the world). That’s some crap science.

American exceptionalism makes people feel like we are a 100% unique beast that must forge its own path every step of the way. We wind up incapable of considering there are different (and sometimes better) ways of doing stuff. Whenever I hear a particular flavor of political hot takes, I wonder, “Have you ever even left America?”

Some examples…

“The US government bungled Covid.” OK, so which countries similar to us did it right and escaped unscathed? Seems to me everyone took it on the chin one way or another. David Wallace-Wells, author of The Uninhabitable Earth, writes, “As awful as the American experience seems to Americans, compared to the rest of Europe and the Americans it was, by the crude metric of deaths per million citizens, probably just a little bit worse than average—that is, not at all exceptional.” Sometimes the universe just throws you lemons/viruses. The more you blame some little Italian dude who gives press conferences for the outcome, the more you’re really just revealing your desire to blame someone.

“Mass shootings can’t be avoided.” Then how come they’re avoided in every other country in the world? Clearly, there’s something specific to America that’s making us the home of school shooter target practice. As usual, the Onion nailed it: ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens.

“It’s a mental health issue,” say the gun nuts. First off: Nah, it’s our gun fetish. But let’s just say it is mental health. Then let’s start having the conversation about why we’re so much crazier (or “sanity challenged” or whatever we’re supposed to say now) than the rest of the world.

This sort of narrow thinking also occurs on the left…

“Slavery is the cause of anti-black racism and America is uniquely evil.” Tell that to the black refugees who couldn’t get out of Ukraine. Or ask an Aboriginal Australian if 1619 is the cause of their woes. Travel as a solo black person in, say, Russia and see how that goes. Sadly, people are mad racist all over the world and it’s silly to overlook that just because it doesn’t fit neatly into the “America bad” narrative many desire.

Sometimes we think we’re outliers when we’re not. Adele N. Norris, a Mississippi-born black woman and a social policy professor who lives in New Zealand, explains how “the world is like Mississippi”:

Being from Mississippi, I am often asked how it feels to have left…People feign a look of shock when I respond that the world is like Mississippi…We saw how Black people were treated in China when COVID-19 first emerged. We see as the world watches Russia invade Ukraine how Black people are not allowed to flee Ukraine. We are witnessing in real time how Black lives do not matter globally.

Related: Caste by Isabel Wilkerson offers a nuanced explanation of race/class/caste that wisely examines these subjects in an international context (i.e. comparing American racism to Nazism and the Indian caste system) instead of focusing solely on the US.

“Queers for Palestine,” eh? I’m fascinated whenever I see a “Free Palestine” sign held by a LGBTQ+ protestor. My question: What do they think will happen if they go to Palestine? Do they think there are protests like this in the Gaza Strip? Do they think LGBTQ+ advocacy is welcomed in the West Bank? Throw a Drag Story Hour in Ramallah and let’s see how that shakes out. I can’t help but wonder if these activists recognize the inherent tension in their views.

Similarly, the “we should be more like Scandinavia” leftist crowd should probably cover its ears during discussions about how that region approaches gender transitioning for kids or how late in a pregnancy to allow abortions.

Speaking of: “America should have healthcare like Scandinavia.” Sounds nice. But a big reason their system works is due to homogenous populations which share cultural values. For example, the Scandinavian notion of Janteloven, which emphasizes the group over the individual.

Janteloven (the law of Jante) at its simplest describes the way that all Norwegians (and in fact, other Scandinavians too) behave: putting society ahead of the individual, not boasting about individual accomplishments, and not being jealous of others.

Want universal healthcare (or other Scandinavian niceties) in America? Then here are some good questions to ask: How do we get Americans to focus on the societal good over individuals? How do we put aside our worship of celebrities and focus on community instead? How do we get people to be ashamed of outsized wealth instead of flaunting it?

French culture offers a good counterpoint too. Journalist Roger Cohen explains how the French view work and capitalism way differently than Americans.

There’s a fierce French attachment to the view that this country does not want a brutal form of capitalism — that solidarity and equality are extremely important…The French do not see work in positive terms. The word “work” has a negative connotation…A large number of French people take the view that once they retire, that’s when life will really kick in. And the important things, like friendship, love, community, playing a game of petanque or boule at sunset with a glass of pastis, traveling — that is what French people consider to be real life, not work.

Americans won’t ever get more vacation days or a lower retirement age unless we are willing to break our addiction to “rugged individualism,” get-rich-quick schemes, hustle culture, and flashy consumerism. We need to alter our cultural DNA if we want real change. (Also: Good luck with that! Maybe the Knicks will win the NBA Finals too!)

“America is a failed state.” The US is certainly facing a wide range of challenges right now, but thinking we’re some hellhole compared to the rest of the world is foolish. Take note of how many people around the world are desperately trying to come here. No one’s risking their life aboard a rickety raft to escape America; not recognizing that is a failure in gratitude. If you were born here, you won the geographic lottery. Sure, advocate for a more perfect union; but be grateful too. Notice how rarely immigrants complain about America compared to those born here. You don’t fight to get somewhere and then dump all over the place once you arrive.

Exposure therapy

“If you don’t like it here, then leave,” say the patriots. I agree. Also: If you do like it here, you should leave too. And I don’t mean some cruise ship trip that stops in prefab tourist locales where dockside kiosks sell “local” trinkets actually made in China. Seeing the world delivers a different, immersive kind of knowledge. Think of Robin Williams’ park bench monologue to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting:

So if I asked you about art you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo? You know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seen that.

Sometimes you have to stand there to really see something. It’s the difference between wisdom and trivia.

Leaving home is also a kind of exposure therapy. “The most frightened people are the people who don’t travel,” says guidebook guru Rick Steves. “Fear is for people who don’t get out very much.” That’s why those who rarely stray outside their area code seem to be the most scared of terrorism. Newsflash: No one’s trying to blow up your corn maze.

America is exceptional, it’s true. Exceptionally weird, that is. And when you’re a freak, it’s best to know exactly how you’re a freak. Otherwise you’re wandering around thinking you’re totally normal while everyone else mutters, “What the hell is the deal with that guy?” (A real “the empire has no clothes” situation.)

Also, I love peanut butter. Sometimes the rest of the world is just wrong.

Quickies

🎯 Camo doesn't work. I keep seeing those dudes *everywhere*.

🎯 Comedy is the most beautiful way to complain. That's why Jews are so good at it. We're used to turning the carbon dioxide of persecution into the oxygen of laughter. It’s why we talk so much about the "tree of life" – we do trauma photosynthesis.

🎯 Incredible drama downgrade here 😂…

…I now want Woj to write recaps of Real Housewives episodes: "...Vicki accepted that it was an attempt by Bethany to clear the table with no intent to break the wine glass on her forehead..."

😈 I post clips of my standup and more at Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.

😈 What a ride it’s been for the word “queer”…

🎯 For sale: baby shoes, never worn *

* Because babies can't walk and don't need shoes. The baby just wears socks. Everybody needs to calm down. Jeez.

🗯 Milton Glaser: Good for your career can be bad for your personal development.

The way to professional accomplishment: you have to demonstrate that you know something unique, that you can repeat, over, and over and over until ultimately you lose interest in it…The model for personal development is antithetical to the model for professional success….Whenever Picasso learned how to do something he abandoned it.

😈 Check out my other newsletter “Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian” for posts about the craft of standup.

🎯 Mel Brooks couldn't make “The Producers” today. Nabokov couldn't write "Lolita." Society can no longer handle nuance or subtlety. "Gotcha" culture murders good art that doesn't fit into neat little boxes approved by HR, the algorithm, and the speech police.

🎯 It’s kinda crazy that comedy clubs force patrons to drink and then get mad at them when they’re drunk.

🗯 Jason Fried: How to rescue a project that's gone off the rails.

1. Stop everything.

2. Take status of everything. Where does each project stand in terms of size, scope, completion, and unknowns.

3. Pick a smaller project that's almost done, andredirect all resources to finishing that one up before working on anything else. Get something finished. Establish "completion discipline".

4. Only move on to the next project once the current project is 100% done.

5. Do not add to the pile. No more new projects.

😈 Listen to my podcast Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby. Audio essays, jokes, and Q&A about the same kinda stuff you see here in the Rubesletter.

🎯 ChatGPT is just plagiarism with plausible deniability. It doesn't rip off one person, it rips off so many people that there's no longer any way to identify the theft.

There are free and paid plans of the Rubesletter. Up ahead for paid subscribers: Girls behind the DJ booth, wealth woes, introverts, Andrew Huberman’s multivitamins, hard pants, the insults of Elon Musk, Gregg Popovich on guns, the Roombalution, and more...