It’s almost the Fourth of July, and as we celebrate our great nation’s founding, we ask you: What could be more American than drizzling high-fructose corn syrup over ultra-processed meat? That’s why we’re excited to try Pepsi’s new condiment — its first ever — dubbed Pepsi Colachup. It combines traditional ketchup with a Pepsi reduction, whatever that is. (We just got heartburn from typing “Pepsi reduction,” but much like with AI, we admire such innovation even as we fear it.)

Tragically, Colachup is only available for Independence Day at Yankee Stadium in New York, Chase Field in Phoenix, Target Field in Minneapolis, and Comerica Park in Detroit. So take yourself out to the ballgame … and also take a bottle of Pepto-Bismol to be safe.

Quick programming note: b. will be off Tuesday celebrating the Fourth of July with our hot dogs, vegan options, and Pepsi Colachup. We’ll be back next Friday. Enjoy the long holiday weekend!

Energy vampires: Are they sucking the life out of your workplace?

The Boys: Superhero show satirizes companies’ superficial Pride.

(Source: FX)

What We Do in the Shadows, FX’s acclaimed supernatural comedy series from Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi — which previously taught us how to negotiate with disgruntled staff — returns for Season 5 on July 13. Although most of us don’t know any vampires, you probably know someone like Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch), the show’s resident energy vampire, whose every statement is banal, irritating, and exhausting.

Rather than feasting on your blood, energy vampires drain your emotional energy — and they’re a real thing, according to psychologists. They often seem nice and might not even be aware of their wearying effect on others, although some of them (like Colin Robinson) are very much aware.

🤿 DIVE DEEPER

• Workplace Bullying: How to Identify and Handle It
• Why Does Power Abuse Persist?
• Being a Good Co-Worker Makes the Workplace Better

Here are five types of energy vampires who should have you reaching for the metaphorical garlic, no matter how much Dunkin’ they bring to the breakroom:

• The Talk Goblin: A workplace orator who never gives you a moment of silence, nor offers an opening for you to speak. They’re all about the one-sided emotional exchange, and it’s soul-sapping.
• The Monstrous Martyr: These energy leeches are obsessed with how the world is against them; they’re always ready with scapegoats and refuse to take responsibility.
• The Drama Demon: Vampirism and melodrama go hand-in-hand. This energy vampire’s unending stream of workplace or home-life drama and gossip never ceases to pull you in like a vortex to hell.
• The Internet Incubus: Rather than sapping your lifeforce in person, this vamp hides behind emails and Slacks. As Colin Robinson himself says, “One of the best ways to drain people’s energy nowadays is via the internet.”
• The Baneful Bully: True sadists of the vampiric realm, these archfiends assert dominance through intimidation, fearmongering, or constant backhanded compliments.

So how can you protect against these evil forces? We have some suggestions:

• Spend more time with the workplace Van Helsings and Buffys who don’t drain you, so that energy vampires simply have less access.
• Replace “uh-huhs” and polite laughs with gentle rejections of the vampire’s tactics. Ask the Monstrous Martyr, “But what’s good today?” Suggest hopping on a call with the Internet Incubus.
• Always set personal boundaries. Refusing to check your email after 5 p.m. is kinda like casting a protective spell circle.

Energy vampires must deflect their negativity from themselves to you, which is why actual solutions are like sunlight to them. Pour positivity on your Colin Robinson as if it were holy water; he or she might even become a little more human.

Beware of these other types of toxic employees.

(Source: Amazon Prime)

It’s the last day of Pride month, and corporate mentions of the LGBTQ community are down 40% from June 2022, Bloomberg News reports. After an effective boycott against Bud Light, many companies that were previously happy to rainbow-ify their logos and preach inclusivity have gone suspiciously silent.

Back in 2020, Amazon Prime’s cynical superhero satire The Boys took a hard swing at this kind of performative, fairweather allyship.

In the series, megacorp Vought International oversees an Avengers-like team of “Supes,” who are less noble than their public image suggests. The cruel leader Homelander (Antony Starr) forces genuinely heroic Wonder Woman stand-in Queen Maeve to come out … which Vought turns into a sexualized marketing stunt, complete with inane slogans (“She’s gay, and it’s okay!”), pandering merch (“Brave Maeve’s Vegetarian Pride Lasagna”), and bi-erasure because “lesbian is an easier sell.”

Vought’s PR team pat themselves on the back for their feel-good diversity campaign, but never consider Maeve’s feelings or let her honestly speak for herself. It’s understandable that real-world companies want to avoid Bud Light’s 29% sales slump, but many LGBTQ employees and customers are now asking whether brands value Pride or just profit.

Explore genuine ways to boost inclusion in your workplace.

• 1896: William S. Hadaway patented the automatic electric stove. 
• 1937: The world’s first emergency number, 999, launched in London; 911 came later.
• 1953: Chevrolet manufactured its first Corvette. Happy 70th birthday!
• 1961: American inventor Lee de Forest died. He created a vacuum tube that made live radio broadcasting, telephone, and radar systems possible. 
• 2000: President Bill Clinton signed the E-Signature Bill, giving electronic signatures the same legal validity as handwritten ones.

Written by Marty Beckerman, Dan Ketchum and Ali Saleh. Comic by John McNamee.

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