Creative Wellness Letters - why do we want to sound good? 😇

Hi Reader, 

This week I’m returning to a more disciplined piano practice after a week away, and, I’ll be honest, I felt a little anxious about it.

I used some of my tactics from this letter to ease the transition, including comfy clothes (my big purple robe). Most importantly, I scheduled it for first thing after breakfast and a walk, when I know that I usually have my best energy.

I started with a familiar warmup - for all of you fellow music theory nerds (I use “nerd” strictly as a compliment), I borrowed the bass line from Chopin Prelude Op. 28 No. 3, adapted it to fit a dominant 7th chord, layered a samba comping rhythm over it in my right hand, and cycled through all 12 keys!

Then I moved to sight reading, a more comfortable place than jumping straight into improvisation, which is one of my biggest practice priorities for the next couple weeks leading up to California Brazil Camp - I’m only attending for 2 days this year, so I have to make it count!

As I worked on things like improvisation that would expand my brain, I also felt the impulse to make sure I sounded good, even though no one was listening. 

And OOF, trying too hard to sound good can be a real buzzkill to creative freedom!

When we avoid practicing or creating, this is often the unspoken underlying fear that holds us back, even though it may show up as other excuses (or legit reasons).

It feels obvious that we'd want to do well and sound good, but there are more intertwining layers to this - let’s peel the onion! 🧅

Some reasons you might want to sound good:

• To impress people / prove your worth
• To satisfy the deep need for enoughness as a human
• To be liked - people pleasing impulse
• To “do it right” - perfectionist impulse
• To honor a composer (especially if they’re in the room)
• To carry out something that you worked hard on
• To play something that feels good/pleasurable
• To genuinely express an intent or emotion
• To communicate with your audience
• To have a transcendent, connective experience to something greater (it’s annoyingly unpredictable when this will happen, but the more we practice, the better the chances get!)

Some of these impulses come from healthier places than others, and each one could probably be its own essay, but, first, it’s really great just to observe what’s happening in your brain.

Then you can state it to yourself neutrally, without needing to “solve” it - that can be quite overwhelming - and various thoughts and feelings are going to keep coming up, even if we work on shaping them into something more helpful.

You can use statements like “I notice that I’m thinking…”, or depersonalize it by saying “my brain is thinking…” if that feels easier or better.

I also like to use the filter “do I think this sounds good, or do I think this sounds like what other people think is good?”

What even is good?

Seriously, how do you define it? (Your answer probably shifts based on context.)

Also, is sounding good as important as feeling good? Do they have to coincide?

(So many questions that take a lifetime to digest!)

My musical needs can vary by the day, but some of my “whys” for playing music are to satisfy myself by playing stuff that feels good, and to keep learning. Those don’t always coincide, especially in the more difficult parts of the learning process.

More deeply, my goal is to “serve the music”, to connect to true presence. If we listen and pay attention, the spirit of the music tells us what it wants to be, making this issue of sounding good (especially the ego side of it) less relevant - a noble goal!

Which of these motivations to sound good come up the most often for you? Are there others I didn't mention? Let me know!

I'm always rooting for you, and my inbox is always open, so please feel free to reach out if I can help in any way. 

I always love hearing from you!

Have a lovely week! ⁠

Rebecca

I'm fresh out of article links, but here are some favorites that I've been consuming lately:

• Reading: Trust Exercise by Susan Choi and Not too Late: Changing the Climate Story from Despair to Possibility ed. Rebecca Solnit and Thelma Young Lutunatabua

• Listening: Terrible Reading Club (especially want to read the books from the 2 latest episodes by Elise Loehnen and Rainesford Stauffer)

• Making: This adorable mushroom cross-stitch kit

• Watching: The Afterparty Season 2, and my recent in-flight movie picks: Whiplash, Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret, The Super Mario Brothers Movie, and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (RIP!)

• Eating: Chicken laab (made by my partner, he's the chef of the household), chocolate mint chia pudding (adapted from this recipe)

• Snacking (yes, this is a different category!): From the Ground Up cauliflower stalks and Trader Joe's Snacky Clusters (chocolate-covered salty crunchy stuff)

• Exploring: Pulling cards from the Muse Tarot, Sacred Creators and Earth Spirit Oracle decks

• Ep. 72: Coda: Reflections, Endings, and Beginnings

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