The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

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CELEB CHEESEMAKER: No, not cheese for famous people, but of them. YouTuber Max Fosh stole DNA from fellow creators MrBeast and KSI and made cheese out of it.

UNARMED WEDDING OFFICIANT: A Nebraska man injured his grandson after shooting a blank round into the air to hype up wedding guests (a local tradition). Luckily, the DJ was able to save the vibe by playing the “Cha Cha Slide.”

Personal

ISO RICH NERD: The luxury fashion designer Christian Louboutin partnered with Marvel to launch a line of superhero-inspired red bottoms and $3,000 glitter bags. Finally, something nice to wear to the theater for Phase 5.

For sale

AIRPORT SANITIZER: The Washington Post tested 10 high-touch points in an airplane’s main cabin and bathrooms for germs, and…nine failed. This may come as no surprise to anyone who followed the diarrhea incident closely, but airplane cleaning procedures are not regulated.

UNTOUCHED PEANUTS TO RECYCLE: US food companies are having a hard time convincing enthusiastic Japanese baseball fans to eat peanuts at games, the WSJ reports. They just don’t take joy in littering like Americans.—MM

Meet 32 Chunk, one of the competitors in this year’s Fat Bear Week, a yearly tournament run by Katmai National Park and Preserve in Alaska that lets people vote online for their favorite fat bear. According to the National Park Service, “Even at his leanest, Chunk carries substantial fat reserves, especially on his hindquarters.”

Chunk and all the bears competing for the crown aren’t packing on the pounds solely for your gawking amusement—there’s a science to it. During hibernation, bears don’t eat, drink, or generally even urinate or defecate (quit bragging). Adult male bears gain 300–500 pounds to survive winter, and the added blubber helps them hold onto their muscle mass and bone density until spring. The fact that it looks great now and could help one absolute unit emerge as Fat Bear Week champion is just an added bonus.

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even see your pet glow.

Your TV might have just won a Nobel Prize. The Nobel Prize in chemistry was awarded to three US-based scientists for their development of quantum dots, which might be responsible for the colors in your Netflix show. The nanoparticles emit different vibrant hues based on their size—bluer if smaller, redder if larger. The human-made dots are used in QLED TV screens, medical imaging, and solar panels, and the technology could help researchers develop smaller and more flexible devices, along with quantum communication and slimmer solar cells. Before the creation of these quantum dots, such minuscule particles were believed to be too small to create.

Animals are secretly glowing. Fluorescent fur is far more widespread in nonhuman mammals than scientists thought, according to new research from the Western Australian Museum. In a study of 125 preserved and frozen species representing all living mammalian orders, 107 (86%) of them—both nocturnal and diurnal—exhibited glowing fur when researchers shined a UV light on them. It happens because of the way their bodies absorb proteins and then emit them as UV light radiation, but scientists aren’t sure of the purpose: It could be so members of the same species can recognize each other in the dark. If you have a UV light, you can test your cat, dog, or guinea pig’s fluorescence, but make sure to avoid shining it in their eyes.

A new device could make drug trials way safer. Northwestern University scientists have developed a smaller-than-a-shoebox contraption that can simulate how the human body reacts to various diseases or medications. This technology could be used as an additional fail-safe check in clinical trials between the animal and human testing stages. The device makes it easier for scientists to understand how diseases and drugs affect the body because it can simulate the effects of up to eight different organ tissue samples at once for as long as 28 days. It’s a big step up from current drug-simulating lab systems, which can only accommodate two tissue cultures that don’t last for very long.—ML

A group of Chinese diplomats is getting recalled from its mission of munching on bamboo and looking adorable for visitors of Smithsonian’s National Zoo.

The three giant pandas currently residing at the DC zoo are expected to return to their homeland, China, in early December when the loan agreement for them expires, ending a US–China diplomatic tradition that dates back to the Nixon administration.

The rare giant panda has been China’s national symbol and a soft power instrument, since the cute bears were loaned to foreign zoos as a gesture of goodwill. In the past, expiring loans usually got extended, but amid growing tensions with Western countries, it looks like loan agreements will all expire.

• After the National Zoo’s Mei Xiang, Tian Tian, and three-year-old cub Xiao Qi Ji depart, the only remaining giant pandas in the US will be the family of four in Zoo Atlanta, who are also expected to be repatriated next year.
• Likewise, the UK must send their only pandas back in December, while Australia could become pandaless next year.

Some China watchers suggest that the winding down of the country’s so-called panda diplomacy symbolizes a new era in its foreign policy.

Not all ambassadors work in embassies

China has been gifting pandas since the Tang Dynasty (618–907). In modern times, the Communist Party-ruled country gave two pandas to the US in 1972 after President Nixon’s historic state visit that year, and in the 1980s, China started loaning pandas on multiyear contracts that could be extended.

It’s been a mutually beneficial arrangement for the country, the host institutions, and the bears living in the wild.

• The photogenic ambassadors boosted zoos’ revenues by attracting crowds, while China was at one point charging $1 million annually per bear (making the furry guests’ profitability dubious).
• China used the funds for conservation efforts, and giant pandas graduated from the endangered species list to the “vulnerable” designation in 2016.

Along the way, pandas have become emblematic of China’s international brand. This is shown not only by the Jack Black classic but also by events like former First Lady Michelle Obama and Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan naming a cub together in 2015. Previously, the Chinese ambassador to the US called the baby panda’s sister his co-ambassador, saying that it was born at a time when the two countries were “determined to build a new model of win-win cooperation.”

The breakdown of panda goodwill

Some experts believe the panda repatriation is explained by that cooperation fizzling out. In place of panda diplomacy, China has been shifting toward what many are calling wolf warrior diplomacy, an aggressive style that relies on tough rhetoric as its relations with the US and its allies falter.

Taking back the pandas might be a way to show “that they may not be very happy with how things are going,” Chee Meng Tan, an economist who studies panda diplomacy at the University of Nottingham in Malaysia, told the Washington Post. He says the fact that pandas are no longer endangered diminishes the conservation incentives for lending them abroad.

The court of public opinion also probably played a role: Rumors that the Memphis Zoo mistreated its pandas created an uproar on Chinese social media earlier this year (zoo officials and a Chinese scientific delegation vehemently denied these claims).

Animal diplomacy isn’t limited to pandas

China’s now not-so-diplomatic pandas may be the most famous animal “gifts” of modern times, but they’re part of a larger pattern of (sometimes literal) international horse trading that’s not about to stop.

• Australian politicians have used koalas to cement international ties.
• Dogs gifted by North Korea to South Korea recently caused a political row.

And China has even been on the receiving end of animal gifts, including an elephant from Sri Lanka and an elite cavalry horse from France.

Enjoy the cuteness while you can: Panda fans are flocking to DC and Atlanta to bid farewell. But even if you can’t trek to the two zoos, you can see what the bears are up to here and here.—SK

Meal prep: Au Gratin potatoes are worth their weight in butter.

Prep tip: You can’t make an authentic Gratin without a mandolin.

Art rec: “Which Duck Are You Today?” from German illustrator Luise (definitely Skater Duck).

Book rec: Set in Ethiopia, Cutting for Stone follows the lives of two doctors caring for patients in a time of revolution.

Cuddle up: Go deep into cozy season with the best blanket of all time.

Design inspo: Picnicforlunch shows off swoon-worthy interiors.

Founder inspo: Michael and Simmy sold their company. Now they study other young founders and share their startup secrets on the Our Future podcast.

It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

Welcome to the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, New Mexico’s most Instagrammable event that doesn’t include photos from the sets of Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul.

About 600 hot-air balloons take to the sky during the nine-day celebration, which runs through next week. The first event took place in 1972, with 13 balloons ascending from a mall parking lot. Today, it is the largest ballooning event in the world, attracting nearly 1 million balloon enthusiasts annually.

These are not your everyday balloons. This year’s festivities will feature 107 new special shapes attempting to rival some of the more creative gasbags from past fiestas.

• Darth Vader + Yoda
• Elvis Presley
• A bottle of Jack Daniel’s lemonade

And, of course, a Heisenberg balloon.

But the fiesta isn’t just hundreds of balloons drifting aimlessly through the sky—there are also contests.

• The world’s best balloon pilots took off yesterday for the Gordon Bennett competition, a race to see who can travel the furthest across the US and potentially into Canada.
• An event with a lesser chance of causing an international incident features balloonists trying to drop a marker closest to a target set by the BalloonMeister.

If you can only go for one day, consider Saturday, but Instagram safely, since that’s when this year’s solar eclipse will happen. There is a scheduled mass ascension at 9:13am with a special “balloon glow” during the darkness of the eclipse.

Can’t make it to ABQ? Travel virtually with a fiesta livestream.

Last week, we asked: What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had with a famous person?

Here are our favorite responses:

• “My mom is an author and around 2008 got an email from a lady saying she loved her books and wanted to give her free tickets + backstage passes (for me and my friends) to her sons’ concert as a thank you. My mom didn’t recognize the name so politely declined. Found out later she’d passed up my one opportunity to meet the Jonas brothers.”—Morgen from Georgia
• “I got a selfie with Keegan-Michael Key but had no clue who he was—only that people were yelling at him for autographs and pictures. I thought he looked familiar but couldn’t place him until I went home to show my dad and he started up with the Mad TV lines.”—Ali from California
• “I once ran into Hilary Duff in a restaurant bathroom around 2012. She told me the stall was out of toilet paper, and I said, ‘Thanks, girl.’ My little millennial heart was so happy. 10/10 interaction, she’s a gem.”—Kay from Los Angeles, CA
• “Back in the Kevin Costner heyday of the ’90s, I was with my mom at the San Francisco Pier when she spotted him across the way. I was enjoying my pizza while she carried on the conversation. When it was over, he reached to shake my hand, but little did he know he got five greasy sausage fingers instead. I can proudly say that I got Kevin Costner’s hand greasy!”—Matt from San Diego, CA
• “In my teens, a friend and I asked Bob Saget and Candace Cameron to buy us booze (they were visiting Juneau, Alaska, on a cruise). They said no!”—Tiara from Juneau, AK

This week’s question

Less of a question, more of a comment. Finish the sentence: “Camping is only fun when…”

Matty’s response to get the juices flowing: “Camping is only fun when you can bring your bratty future stepmom and pull her air mattress onto the lake while she sleeps.”

Share your response here.