Sorry, not sorry. Why you should stop apologizing so much

Sorry, not sorry. Why you should stop apologizing so much | practice | Balance efficiency and effectiveness as a team leader
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October 27, 2023
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Leading the Way
Sorry, not sorry. Why you should stop apologizing so much
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If you find yourself saying "Sorry" during the course of a normal conversation with colleagues or superiors, or for not fitting in with "the traditional mold" or for perceived flaws, it's time to say "thank you" instead, writes Lisa Sun, founder of Gravitas. "For instance, 'Thank you for having this salary conversation with me'; 'Thank you for considering my application'; and 'Thank you for engaging with me' can draw your conversational partner in without diminishing your power," Sun writes.
Full Story: Fast Company (tiered subscription model) (10/26) 
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Put it into practice: Keep track of how often you say "Sorry" during the day and subtract the ones where an apology was appropriate, Sun advises. "The ultimate antidote to apologizing unnecessarily is to learn how to stand in your power."
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Balance efficiency and effectiveness as a team leader
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Team leaders are most effective when they have the skills needed to assign clear roles, establish goals, are open to new ideas, solve the right problems and celebrate their team's success, writes author and leadership expert Paul B. Thornton. "The challenge here is to stay focused on being efficient, but not at the expense of being effective," Thornton writes.
Full Story: SmartBrief/Leadership (10/26) 
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Put it into practice: Effective and efficient team leaders set values of excellence, respect and trust along with accepted behaviors that support those values, Thornton notes. Team leaders should model those values and be quick to correct course when norms are violated.
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When you, or a team member, makes a mistake, get perspective on how damaging it could be, work out a plan for correction and frame the event as a chance to learn and do better in the future, writes Robyn McLeod, a principal with Chatsworth Consulting Group. "If your team members believe that they can never get anything wrong, then they will operate with great caution, take no risks, and not trust themselves and/or others," McLeod writes.
Full Story: Chatsworth Consulting Group (10/26) 
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Put it into practice: If a team member's mistake makes you angry or frustrated, step away until you can calmly address the situation and identify what went wrong, McLeod writes. "This is not in order to place blame, but rather to identify any process revisions or improvements needed, or any development needed for the team member."
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Listening to bittersweet music can lower pain
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Listening to your favorite music can act as a painkiller, according to a study of participants who were asked to rate their pain while listening to different types of music. Researchers found that patients rated their pain as less intense and less unpleasant when listening to their favorite tracks and there was an increased effect when people listened to bittersweet or moving music, which produces "chills" linked to lower pain intensity.
Full Story: The Guardian (London) (10/25) 
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Weekend Reading
The candy in Halloween bags will differ in each state
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What your kids (or you) get in your trick-or-treat bag this Halloween depends on where you live. If you're in Rhode Island, North Carolina or Oregon, you'll get lots of M&Ms, while those in Wyoming, Kentucky or Florida will get a haul of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, according to data from Candy Store. Odds are good you could wind up with a lot of candy corn if you're in New Mexico, Michigan, Idaho or South Carolina.
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About The Editor
Candace Chellew
Candace Chellew
Chellew
I have a terrible habit of often saying, "I'm sorry." I blame my Southern mama, who sought to instill a ladylike demeanor in her little rough-and-tumble tomboy. Whenever I did something that warranted an apology, she would give me that cutting mom look and stage whisper, "What do you say?"

"Sorry," I would mumble begrudgingly.

It's good to apologize for actual offenses to others. Still, when we find ourselves apologizing for our existence or asking for what we need, we should evaluate how we use that word.

I like Lisa Sun's recommendation to replace "sorry" with "thank you." Instead of saying, "I'm sorry to bother you," perhaps saying, "Thank you for making time for me," sets a tone of gratitude instead of inconvenience.

I will do her "sorry" audit on my speech and begin to eliminate the unnecessary "sorrys" from my vocabulary.

How about you? Are you apologizing when you should be thanking others? Let me know!

If this newsletter helps you, please tell your colleagues, friends or anyone who can benefit. Forward them this email, or send this link.

What topics do you see in your daily work that I should know about? Do you have praise? Criticism? Drop me a note. And don't forget to send me photos of your pets, your office and where you spend your time off.
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Who Said It?

A good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad act the good. Each should have its own reward.
George R.R. Martin or Koji Suzuki

Check your answer here.
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