There’s a funny story about F. Scott Fitzgerald asking Hemingway to take a look at his member after his wife Zelda informed him that he was poorly endowed. This insecurity didn’t just exist in his pants but his prose.

I’ve been working through a series of letters shared between Fitzgerald and his long-time editor, Max Perkins.

Something that has become obvious to me from their correspondence is that Fitzgerald’s confidence was streaky, if not downright volatile.

The writer’s problem was that he, like so many of us, relied too heavily on outside validation and achievement.

From my experience, outside validation is the same as digging into a jumbo-size bag of Lay’s Sour Cream & Onion potato chips. No amount is ever enough.

You tell yourself you will just eat a few chips then, before you know it, your sticky, chive-dusted fingers are scraping the bottom of the bag as you stare off into space like some deranged wolf.

Outside achievement isn’t that much better.

I’d liken it to attempting to construct a home of hay in the midst of a windstorm. You can work as long and as hard and as smart as you want but it won’t matter because you will be fucked before you ever begin.

The problem with outside achievement and validation is that your confidence is in somebody else’s hands. It doesn’t matter how great you are, at the end of the day it is somebody else’s decision on whether or not you are worthy.

Instead, you must seek to build confidence from within. This can only happen by making promises to yourself and keeping them.

In the letters shared between Fitzgerald and Perkins, the writer was most confident when he was fulfilling the daily writing quota he had set for himself.

By making (and keeping) promises, you signal to yourself, your mind, your heart and your subconscious that you care enough about yourself to follow through. This is how you take back your confidence into your own hands.

By Cole Schafer.

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