You can’t script a cringe comedy moment any better than this scene at the Dealbook conference:

Elon Musk: “The only reason I am here, Jonathan, is because you are a friend.”
Andrew Ross Sorkin: “I am Andrew.”

Classic! Michael Scott couldn’t have delivered it any better.

And then there was his “Go f– yourself” moment followed immediately by the painful 5 seconds in which he slowly realized he would get neither audience applause nor understanding from Sorkin. Worst Succession scene ever. (Or was it the best?)

Also, he said the people of Earth will decide who is to blame if X goes bankrupt: “The whole world will know that those advertisers killed the company…Let's see how Earth responds to that."

Dude, no one gives a f–. “Earth” isn’t losing sleep over this. Your hate-rage platform is a toxic cesspool. All you’ll get from the rest of us is a sigh of relief – and then Threads or something else will be the place we all go to complain when the refs miss a call on Sunday Night Football.

Gotta be honest: Musk now feels like the worst advertisement ever for Ketamine. Thought that stuff was supposed to heal you, not turn you into a heel.

Every time he opens his mouth lately, his status as a biz wizard becomes increasingly suspicious.

Elon: "Are you trying to blackmail me with money?"
Advertiser: "Well, I mean, I'm an advertiser wanting to buy ads on your platform, but I don't want my brand associated with N@zi propaganda, y'know?"
Elon: "Go f- yourself!"

I’m no MBA, but I’m pretty sure “blackmail me with money” is literally what it means to run a business. Like, if Elon ran a restaurant, would it go like this?

Customer: “I’d like the cheeseburger.”
Elon: ”Are you trying to blackmail me with money?”
Customer: ”Um, I’m trying to order food. This is a restaurant, right?”
Elon: ”Go f- yourself!"

But hey, at least he’s cleared up that he’s “against anti-anything”…

…So can we say he’s anti-anti-anything? I’d say that’s very meta, but then Zuck might sue for copyright infringement.

Al least he’s still got his bootlickers. For example, many in the VC brigade just can’t quit him. Bill Ackman, billionaire hedge fund manager and founder of Pershing Square Capital Management, unleashed an impressively sycophantic post endorsing all things Musk.

Breathtaking stuff. I have some questions for Mr. Ackman though:

• You said it was one of the great interviews ever. Do you feel that’s how it was perceived by the audience in the room? Did you take the gasps and stunned silence as a sign he was, like, really killing it? Because I’m quite familiar with delivering lines that bomb and I gotta say IT FELT FAMILIAR.

• You said Elon Musk is a free speech absolutist who is treated unfairly and inconsistently by advertisers. Can you see the inherent conflict between free speech absolutism and running an advertising-based business? Can you understand why brands might be reluctant to appear next to hate speech? Do you think Mcdonald’s should be fine putting “I’m Lovin’ It” ads underneath sw@stikas?

• You claim Musk is targeted because other media organizations view him as a competitor. Since X is failing, wouldn’t it make more sense for the media to target more successful platforms? And if the media gets clicks from attacking tech moguls, why doesn’t it target Zuck and Bezos in the same way? Do you think Musk saying absurd stuff and seeming like he’s on more substances than Amy Winehouse might be some of the reason the media keeps mentioning him?

• “Disney caves to public pressure rather than do the right thing.” My man, what do you think the mission of Disney is? And are you sure everyone agrees with you on what “the right thing” is here? Which advertisers do you know of that thrive by ignoring public pressure?

• You said advertising on X is cheap compared to other alternatives “because of current circumstances.” Circumstances, eh? The current offer seems to be this: “Ads here are cheap because everyone thinks our owner is anti-semitic and our platform is filled with hate speech. Would you like to take advantage of this unique opportunity?” Do you think that sounds compelling?

• You said it’s clear that Musk did not have antisemitic intent when he responded with that “actual truth” tweet. Why did he post it then? What was his intent? I mean, I realize he said it was “foolish” to post. But does he think it was foolish because of the backlash or because the Great Replacement theory is wrong? If he thinks it’s wrong, why did he say it was true in the first place? Can we get some kinda Roseanne-Ambien excuse at least? Because right now his “explanation” is that he thinks Jews funding radical Islamic groups is bad which it might be, if it was true, but it’s not, and, um, what? Also, maybe him threatening to sue the Anti-Defamation League ain’t helping?

• Ah, turns out you’re an investor in Twitter (shocking development!). You said whether you make a profit on this investment is not important to you as you “never intend to sell your interest.” You don’t often hear investors talk about how profit is not important. Kudos to you on your noble mission! But also, how do we know this is true as opposed to spin? After all, SBF told us he was all about effective altruism and look how that turned out.

• “I am inclined to support companies that advertise on the platform because I appreciate their support for free speech.” Again, has it occurred to you that there is a natural tension between advertisers and free speech? Perhaps we shouldn’t rely on multinational corporations that are beholden to shareholders to be our champions of free speech? ‘Cuz I think all they care about is making money. Also, are you a fan of the ACLU? As a free speech zealot, I assume you’re very supportive of their efforts and donate a bunch to ‘em.

• You said you can’t think of another example of you responding to direct advertising other than on X. Have you tried Instagram? They will show you all kinds of exotic olive oils, pants that make your butt look rounder, and “men’s stamina courses” that involve doing 50 kegels/day.

• “Perhaps some day the ownership of X should be distributed to each American…with a charter which permanently vests the free speech principles by which it operates.” Perhaps! Question though: How does one “vest” free speech principles?

• “Until then, we all should be grateful that X is owned by Musk.” We should? Because X makes me feel bad. It’s a viper pit that keeps showing me trending topics which really make me hope he focuses on getting us to Mars because by then that might be the only place Jews can go to feel safe.

Anyway, let’s see what’s trending on X now?

Oy vey.

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Quickies

🎯 Doorman at this place just referred to the bathroom as “the facilities.” I like that because then, instead of being a p*sser, I’m a facilitator.

🎯 Sorry, but the more you talk about ethical non-monogamy, the more it comes off like you're just bragging about how much you get laid.

🎯 You don't have to tell us your city is ______ STRONG. We get it, every town is now strong like every woman is now a queen. Related: Words have no meaning anymore.

🎯 I saw a robot server at a restaurant recently and thought it was cute until I realized between those, AI, and self-driving cars we're gonna lose 60% of jobs in the next decade.

🎯 Our culture is based on ego stroking and a complete lack of desire to compromise or meet others halfway. Notice how many arguments nowadays are akin to saying, "Don't compromise at all and you'll get exactly what you want!"

🎯 Send me your Spotify Wrapped and I'll roast you for not having The Who’s 10-album Lifehouse box set as your #1 listen, poseur.

🎯 Watching new season of The Crown + Beckham doc + Robbie Williams doc all in two weeks has me feeling like I’m living in the UK in the late 90’s. Bloody ‘ell, you and I, we’re gonna live foreverrrrrrrrr!

🎯 My big takeaway from that Beckham doc on Netflix: The man’s sweater game is impeccable.

🎯 My dad's Israeli and my mom's Russian so that’s why I love to bomb.

🎯 Italian Wedding Soup baffles me. It's just an ethnicity, an event, and a generic kind of food, yet it's everywhere. Why can't other cultures have this? Why isn’t there Vietnamese Funeral Dumplings or Boca Raton Circumcision Stew!?

🎯 The greatest luxury of youth is not having to remember the things that you've seen.

Comedy

🃏 NYC: Dec 14 = Mood Board at Gospel.

🃏 Miami: Dec 22-23 at Comedy Inn (with Mike Vecchione).

🃏 I post clips of my standup (and more) at Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube.

🃏 Check out my other newsletter that’s all about the craft of doing standup: Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. Recent posts there:

🃏 Listen to my podcast:

Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby Stereoactive Media 32 episodes

5-spotted

🗯 Evolutionary psychologist William von Hippel on why we don’t like candid pictures or the sound of our own voices (from his book The Social Leap).

That’s why you don’t like candid pictures of yourself: because they capture what you actually look like, not what you think you look like. You prefer the picture of yourself that caught you at just the right angle, on just the right day, and those are the ones you put up on Facebook, Tinder, or in the company directory.

🗯 The ACLU famously defended the First Amendment rights of N@zis and the KKK, but Jay Caspian Kang argues, “that type of advocacy feels both verboten and anachronistic now.” [The New Yorker]

We are in a period of seismic change for civil liberties, especially when it comes to the First Amendment, surveillance, and the sanctity of a free press, and it has never been more vital to defend the moral case for free speech. One does not need to put forth a slippery-slope argument to point out how all this could go wrong. Nearly everything we do in public is surveilled, most of our communication is controlled by tech companies, and any of us could go viral at any moment. We should denounce any show court that bends the law in arbitrary ways to incarcerate people who get caught on video saying unpopular things.

🗯 Charlie Munger on self-pity:

Generally speaking, envy, resentment, revenge, and self-pity are disastrous modes of thought. 

Self-pity gets pretty close to paranoia…

Every time you find your drifting into self-pity, I don’t care what the cause, your child could be dying from cancer, self-pity is not going to improve the situation. It’s a ridiculous way to behave.

Life will have terrible blows, horrible blows, unfair blows, it doesn’t matter. Some people recover and others don’t. 

🗯 Something we rarely admit: Greatness is often fueled by obsession that borders on addiction. [The Athletic]

Elite athletes, often driven by the rush of competition and desire to win, certainly display behaviours resembling addiction,” explain sport psychologist Marc Sagal and addiction expert Ned DeWitt. “Their focus, discipline, and pursuit of excellence can border on obsession. These qualities can contribute meaningfully to success — but can also create problems like life imbalance or relationship challenges.”

🗯 Just learned one of my go-to theories has a name: Hanlon’s razor.

Hanlon’s razor is the adage that you should “never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity”. Applied broadly, this principle suggests that when assessing people’s actions, you should not assume that they acted out of a desire to cause harm, as long as there is a reasonable alternative explanation.

So keep that in mind next time you think I’m being a jerk: I’m probably not malicious, I’m just stupid. Phew?

See ya next time.

-Matt