The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

WEDDING SOCIAL DIRECTOR: For lovebirds who feel like there won’t be enough people buzzing around behind the scenes of their big day, couples are hiring content creators to capture BTS photos and videos tailored for TikTok. You have to monitor your own comments.

UPBEAT BK EMPLOYEE: As part of a new push to prioritize customer satisfaction over speed, Burger King is encouraging workers to ask if diners want a crown with every meal and requiring them to tell customers “You rule” when handing over said crown. Burger King will now become the No. 1 place to get a chicken fry and a pick-me-up on a down day.

Personal

ISO DATE W/ GOOD TASTE: Hidden Valley has done it again, putting ranch dressing where it never needed to be. The brand collaborated with Burt’s Bees to create four new lip balm flavors: Ranch, Buffalo Sauce, Crunchy Celery, and Fresh Carrot. It’s the perfect Valentine’s Day gift to tack on to a reservation at Buffalo Wild Wings.

FOUND—DOLL THAT WILL FIRE YOU: Mattel is releasing four new Barbies in its “Women in Film” collection, featuring a cinematographer, movie star, film director, and studio executive. We’d like to know exactly which side of the picket line each of these dolls was on last summer.

SEEKING PARKING LESSONS: If you’re famous enough and have a weird-looking car, you can just leave it anywhere—like Pharrell Williams, who dropped off his Tesla Cybertruck in the middle of the street after deciding not to pharellel parallel park it.

For sale

JUST A STICK: A man who claimed he was Queen Elizabeth II’s senior footman tried to sell an antler walking stick formerly used by Her Majesty. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the guy did not work for the late queen, and the walking stick was about as legitimately royal as The Princess Switch. Don’t go so big next time—no one fact-checks Sienna Mapelli Mozzi’s weird hat.

GLACIAL ROCKS: A startup in Greenland has begun harvesting arctic ice and shipping it to the United Arab Emirates so exclusive bars can serve it in high-priced cocktails. One Fjordarita, please.

MINTER LITE: Miller Lite made mints for people who miss the taste of beer during Dry January. Now you can angrily chew on something in a bar while you watch your friends drunkenly scroll through TouchTunes.—MM

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even fix that ringing in your ears.

The US reduced emissions last year, but not enough. Good news: Uncle Sam put less greenhouse gases into the atmosphere last year than it did in 2022. Bad news: The 1.9% reduction is not close to the rate needed to meet Biden’s climate goals, according to the research firm Rhodium Group. If the US is going to fulfill its Paris Agreement pledge to cut emissions in half between 2005 and 2030 (it’s only down 17.2% so far), it’ll have to more than triple this year’s reduction to ~7% annually, Rhodium Group estimates. Still, even with a growing economy, the US managed this slight decline by leaning into natural gas and renewable energy.

Have tinnitus? There’s an app for that. Researchers have developed mobile therapy tools to make it easier for people to treat chronic ringing or buzzing in their ears. Two apps, MindEar and Oto, provide psychological services, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which can effectively treat tinnitus, a sometimes severe condition that scientists estimate affects ~15% of American adults. In a recent study of MindEar—which uses therapeutic sounds and conducts CBT via a chatbot—more than half of those who used the app felt significantly less distressed by their tinnitus after four months. The researchers caution that MindEar should complement in-person therapy, not replace it.

The “Welsh Tidy Mouse” was just having fun. A spiffy little rodent in Wales went viral this week for getting caught on camera cleaning up someone’s shed, which the shed owner said has been going on for months. The “Welsh Tidy Mouse,” as it’s been nicknamed, is seen neatly gathering corks, clothespins, and other scraps in a box, maybe out of natural curiosity and a desire to interact with its surroundings, behavioral scientists said. The mouse could also be attempting to nest, but that would be unusual, considering the materials it collects aren’t very cozy. Plus, it’s probably learned by now that its pile gets disassembled every day, so the mouse might have just learned to trust the process.—ML

If American industry had a Hall of Fame, the trophy case for US Steel would require a separate building. Once the largest corporation in the world, US Steel scaffolded the 20th-century economic boom by supplying steel for Detroit’s cars, iconic landmarks like New York’s Flatiron Building, and WWII planes, ships, and tanks.

Though its dominance has faded, the steelmaker’s legendary status might explain why outrage erupted after Japan’s Nippon Steel agreed to buy the company for $14.1 billion last month. While investors cheered the potential acquisition, others lashed out.

• United Steelworkers (USW), the union representing US Steel employees, complained it wasn’t notified about the deal, a violation of its current labor contract.
• Several members of Congress on both sides of the aisle, including Senators John Fetterman (D-PA) and J.D. Vance (R-OH), called on the Biden administration to block the deal. They claim foreign control of the steelmaker threatens American jobs and could undermine supply chains vital to national security.
• National Economic Advisor Lael Brainard said it deserves “serious scrutiny.”

The Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CFIUS), helmed by Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen, will likely get the final say in approving the sale and is reportedly already looking into it.

But with national elections looming, many trade analysts and former officials claim the objections to the deal are just a panicked response driven by prejudice and politicking.

What are the deal’s detractors afraid of?

Though Nippon agreed to keep US Steel’s headquarters in Pittsburgh and honor USW’s current contract with the company, the union still isn’t sold.

• It says the Japanese juggernaut hasn’t explicitly committed to keeping workers employed or maintaining retiree benefits over the long haul.
• It also pointed to examples of hostile behavior toward organized labor at a Nippon joint venture in Alabama.

On the political side, America’s manufacturing base is a political lightning rod more charged than ever in this contentious presidential election year. Though American steel manufacturing has long lagged far behind that of China, Japan, and India, the industry remains influential in swing states like Ohio and Pennsylvania.

Even though Japan is an ally, some commentators worry that if a conflict erupts, countries might hoard resources, and the lack of US companies that can produce steel at scale for the military would be an issue.

Nothing to fear but fear itself

On the other hand, many observers argue those concerns are overblown as US Steel would continue operating stateside post-acquisition—-and might benefit from additional investment.

Former Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, who served under President Donald Trump, blames the anti-acquisition push on “xenophobia.” In a recent WSJ Op-Ed, he claimed that the deal could be a win for the American steel industry since it could potentially boost US Steel’s credit-worthiness. And metallurgical engineer Bruce Craig noted in a letter to the editor for the same newspaper that US Steel could gain technologically from getting taken over by Nippon, which he says has “some of the highest-quality steel-making technology of any steel producer in the world.”

Nippon itself views the deal as an opportunity to access the US steel market, where demand for the material is expected to grow.

Meanwhile, political analysts highlight that Japan is a close US ally, making it unlikely that Nippon would sabotage the strategically important steelmaking industry. “In terms of national security risk, this particular deal is not a major concern,” Bradley Martin, who heads RAND’s National Security Supply Chain Institute, told Morning Brew. Foreign policy wonks are more worried that axing the agreement could strain US–Japan relations just as the two countries are trying to ramp up collaboration to compete with China.

Deliberations may drag out…the government review of the acquisition might not be resolved until 2025, outlasting the election in the fall, per Bloomberg. Former CFIUS officials told the WSJ that the deal is unlikely to be blocked, though Nippon might be required to add employment guarantees and meet other conditions.—SK

Cook: Greek-style lemon potatoes make the perfect side.

Listen: A song about old friendships from singer-songwriter Waxahatchee.

Watch: The highly regarded new season of True Detective premieres tonight.

Watch x2: An architect explains the mansions in Bridgerton.

New tool: Break down boxes easily with this nifty safety cutter.

Play: Even the people who hate board games will like this game.

Enjoy business news shows again: Morning Brew Daily has the wittiest and smartest takes on business news. Check it out wherever you get your podcasts.

It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

When you think Iowa, you think corn, Field of Dreams, and then you probably think of corn again. (Some of us with a deep appreciation of Iowa’s culture think of the perfect sound made by Caitlin Clark’s swish, but there are too few of us.)

Iowa will be in the national spotlight on Monday for something slightly more important than a baseball ghost movie—the caucuses will take place with all eyes on the margin of victory on the Republican side, as Democrats already have their presidential candidate in incumbent Joe Biden. Donald Trump holds a massive lead in the polls over Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis, and experts believe anything less than a blowout win in Iowa could make Trump appear vulnerable in his attempt to secure the party’s nomination again.

Caucuses and primaries—what’s the difference? The small-but-important distinction is that caucuses require in-person voting during a specific window of time, while primary ballots can be cast throughout the day and have an absentee option. Also, it’s just more fun to say “caucus.”

If you’re making the pilgrimage to Iowa for the caucuses, first of all—bundle up. It’s going to be dangerously cold. Then, consider dining in Des Moines at Zombie Burger, which has candidate-themed sandwiches with pun-based names designed to make you laugh and clog your arteries.

Not into politics? Then visit Iowa in May for Pella’s Annual Tulip Time Festival. Or head to the Villisca Axe Murder House, the site of a gruesome multiple-homicide in 1912 that has become a morbid tourist attraction. Or...do the thing we all know you’re going to do—take a tour of the Field of Dreams movie site in Dyersville.—DL

Last week, we asked: “What product or experience still needs a quality social review app?” Here are our favorite responses:

• “Coworkers. Would love to hear what everyone’s deal is when starting a new job.”—Matt from Sunnyside, NY
• “Rate my hair stylist and rate my landlord are my top two right now.”—Emily from Minnesota
• “A bathroom app! Where, cleanliness, number of stalls, and how much I have to spend to gain access.”—Hannah from Reno, NV
• “Gas station biscuits. Sometimes you just need a biscuit and sometimes you can find a great one at a gas station, but risk/reward is really out of balance at the moment.”—Calvin from Memphis, TN
• “I need an airport review app that will tell me how likely I am to make my connecting flight, how long the queues are, if there are any comfy benches to sleep on, and if buying a bottle of water will break my bank account.”—Lucy from London

This week’s question

You can only choose one type of soup: stew, consommé, chowder, or bisque. What are you going with? Explain.

Matty’s response to get the broth flowing: Chowder, because it’s a meal that is creamy and chunky—two descriptors that sound horrific anywhere else.

Share your response here.

Facet Wealth, Inc. (“Facet”) is an SEC Registered Investment Advisor headquartered in Baltimore, Maryland. This is not an offer to sell securities or the solicitation of an offer to purchase securities. This is not investment, financial, legal, or tax advice.

*Enrollment fee waived for new annual members. Please visit https://facet.com/legal-documents/kick-starter-promotion/ for additional terms and conditions. Offer expires January 31, 2024.