Creative Wellness Letters - What are you missing out on?

Hi Reader, 

We’re always missing out on something.

Because we’re humans with finite time and energy, every yes is a no to something else. (Oh, I reeeally wish this weren’t true!)

As I wrote in my last letter, I started the year with a flurry of activity as I finished tracking my new album, and because of that, I intentionally started the year slowly in terms of making a bunch of plans and goals.

I needed a little more of a reset because I had the mental space for the fresh start energy I usually get after the holidays, and I’m also a fan of honoring that winter is often a time of less energy and a slower pace, so this is all still in process!

Even though waiting to make more 2024 goals and plans was very much a conscious decision which caused some relief, I still felt the FOMO (fear of missing out) creeping up. It mostly came from seeing others’ social media posts about new year plans during that time, sometimes to the point where I had to close the app (honestly, this is a probably good thing).

Despite the mental discomfort, I didn’t beat myself up about what I wasn’t currently doing, AND I didn’t beat myself up about how I should be “better” than giving in to FOMO.

There’s an important difference between feeling something and fully giving in to it.

I like to borrow Elizabeth Gilbert’s analogy that fear is allowed to be there, but it’s not allowed to drive the car. Also, the next level version of that (courtesy of the Wandering Aimfully podcast) - you can be the limo driver who closes the partition between you and your annoying passenger! 👏

So we’re not letting FOMO drive the car, but why not just throw it out the window and leave it on the side of the road?

FOMO, and its cousin jealousy, is an invitation to look at why we feel that way. 

It can manifest as feelings of “not good enough”, but anytime that happens, we get to question it, and perhaps take a kinder approach by getting curious.

Some good questions to try:

• Do you actually wish you could do the thing that gave you FOMO when you saw someone else doing it?
• Do you wish you had done it already?
• Do you even want to do it in the future, or does it just seem shiny in the highlight-reel way it’s being presented to you?
• Do you want to do the thing or do you just want to feel like how it looks like the person doing it feels?

Once you decide if your FOMO/jealousy is a legit craving to make a goal or take an action, you can start taking small steps to move in that direction.

Or, if it’s not, great, you can let go of needing to do it right now, and look at other ways to get the feeling you’re craving.

Maybe you’ll even discover that you have some JOMO (the JOY of missing out)?!

For example: Seeing a peer play a show at a venue that seems out of reach for you gives you serious FOMO.

• IS it really out of reach? Have you tried to book a show there yet?
• If you do need a bigger audience to play there, could you do a collaborative show to help fill the place?
• Or maybe you just haven’t played out in a while, and having any performance opportunity would give the feeling you’re seeking.

Whatever the cause may be, I hope that the next time FOMO or jealousy strikes, you can know that it’s very human and normal, and continue to be your own supportive friend throughout the process! 💗

How do you deal with FOMO and jealousy when they come up? (There are no wrong answers!)

🕸️ Staying on the good side of the internet 🕸️

• Tired? Distracted? Burned out? Listen to this. (Ezra Klein Podcast) - This episode is great confirmation for a lot of attention-related things that I've experienced when scrolling on devices too much.
• Elizabeth Gilbert on Her Most Important Daily Practice (We Can Do Hard Things podcast) - As usual, I loved this interview with Elizabeth Gilbert on her practice of writing two-way letters to love every morning. (The next episode, Glennon Shares Her Love Letter With Liz Gilbert, is also great!)
• Since I've paused Compassionate Creativity Coworking Club indefinitely, I'm missing the power of getting stuff done together in our weekly sessions, so I'm attending this (much needed!) Tab Closing Party with Kat Vellos on Feb. 21 (offered for free through Creative Mornings!)