🌫️ do you embrace the mystery of the process?

Hi Reader, 

When you start a creative project (the first action after the idea), you usually have some inner vision of what it will look or sound like.

What eventually comes through you is not usually the same as the vision - there’s some evolution baked into the process.

I was talking to a composer friend about this recently (she also wrote this lovely post about it), then when I was talking to my partner Tom about my ideas for album cover art, he also mentioned this disparity between our ideas and finished products.

When it came up twice in a week, I knew I had to write about it.

The creative process always contains some mystery.

How we feel about that mystery depends on the day, how much sleep we’ve gotten, how much stress we’re under - so many factors!

Though graphic design is not a huge area of expertise for me, I recently embarked on designing my own album cover (with consulting and editing assistance from Tom, who used to be a professional graphic designer).

At first I was excited by my idea to make a photo collage of circles representing the little worlds of each piece, since the album is called Bright Little Worlds, and has 22 tracks with many different moods.

I collected lots of images (still excited), but when I actually sat down to start putting them in a layout, there it was: the fear.

I’m very familiar with the fear of not knowing how to do something, which has often triggered a pattern of avoidance for me, as a kid who was labelled “gifted” growing up. (Coincidence? I think not!)

I’m better at noticing this impulse in myself now than when I would avoid writing papers in high school until the last minute, but it can still be really uncomfortable.

Knowing how isn’t really the problem - with enough persistence, I can figure things out or seek help as needed.

The problem is my brain’s totally unrealistic expectation that I should be able to just sit down and create the “perfect version” or the “right version” on the first try.

When it tells me that, I remind myself that you have to churn something, anything(!) out before you can fully understand what needs to happen.

Predictably, when I reached the fear stage of my album cover designing process, I got stuck, and stepped away from the process for some needed mental percolating space. When I came back to it, still felt stuck, and wanted to keep avoiding it, I knew that I needed to change something up in order to get unstuck.

I asked Tom for his opinion, which led to some new ideas about how to configure the many circle shapes in the design, and more possible drafts.

Creating multiple versions is also freeing - my brain feels comforted by still having access to the earlier iterations, in case I want to use any of their elements.

There are even deeper and more vulnerable fears embedded in creative avoidance, too. (See Steven Pressfield’s book The War of Art for more on what he calls “the resistance”.) 

As Chrissy Hennessey wrote in her recent newsletter:

My brain also can take it to the next level - it’s a waste AND there’s something fundamentally wrong with me as an artist if I don’t produce great work on the first try. 

YIKES.

Knowing this will happen and naming the feeling is always helpful, and I feel so much better when I just plan on several drafts as part of the process, or even use this flowchart (I couldn't decide on which version to share) as a sort of checklist, or at least a set of guideposts.

Once you reach the “this is horrible” phase, you know that you’re doing this creative process thing right, because that’s a usual stop along the journey to “this is awesome”.

The process is our tool to figure things out, and any non-final product that comes from that process is there to teach us what the final product needs.

Embracing the process is an opportunity to explore and practice having enough patience along the way to embrace curiosity when the path gets sloggy, and you don’t have to be good at something in order to practice it.

Also, take heart in knowing that legions of creative folks just like you have felt the same emotions along the way - we are not alone, and I hope this gives you some fuel to go forth and make your stuff!

Tell me your thoughts and experiences on the mystery of the process - I'd love to hear!

🕸️ Staying on the good side of the internet 🕸️

• is cringe stopping you? - Another perspective on today's letter topic by Jen Louden on trying new things in general: "How can we learn to live in the gap between what’s here now and what we envision?"
• All creativity happens in relationship - Unsurprisingly, I loved yet another episode of the Hurry Slowly podcast 😂, this one on "the myths that drive our creativity, how they create suffering, and how we can ignite our creativity by embracing the power of the collective."
• 3 lists to Make to Usher in a New Season - I always love a list, and my friend Michelle LaCroix writes such a lovely Substack newsletter, where she's been offering monthly (free!) reflection workshops to help us cultivate a personal writing and reflection practice to connect to ourselves.