While participating in the annual Presidential Physical Fitness test in junior high, students were given a choice to either perform our max number of pull-ups or to do a flex-hang which measured how long we could hold ourselves with our chins just over the horizontal bar. My flex-hang time was so embarrassingly brief that my PE pulled his pencil from behind his ear, focused on my chart on his clipboard, and said, "I'm just gonna give you credit for a half a pull-up, that will will probably be worth more." I tried to contort myself in a way that would hide my redfaced shame from my teacher and classmates. But I couldn't since I also failed the flexibility test. On that day, I made myself a promise: No matter what it took, no matter how hard I had to work, no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears would be shed, no matter the obstacles or odds, I would respond to that childhood humiliation with a Herculean effort of Hollywood proportions to complete a singular, lifelong quest: To find someone to blame for my failure. Well, cue the Rocky Theme music because I've finally found that someone: My parents. In Outside, Alex Hutchinson (who has notoriously tight hammies) describes a recent study that Reveals Which Fitness Traits Are Primarily Genetic. None of these studies are entirely definitive, but this one provides some pretty good evidence that my genes are almost entirely to blame for my lack of pull-up prowess and the fact that my junior high PE teacher described my one mile time test as the battle of the bulge.

2

Scranton's Last Stand

The turnaround in the Democratic party, both political and emotional, has been nothing short of remarkable. But the feelings on the first night of the DNC will be decidedly mixed for the the man who will deliver the evening's keynote. "The sheer drama of Monday’s speech by President Joe Biden, following his decision to step aside and cede the nomination to Vice President Kamala Harris after weeks of mounting pressure, will be unlike anything ever seen. His party is electric with a sense of possibility and hope. The ticket is climbing ahead in the polls. At any other convention in history, it’d be a triumphant moment for the president. But every cheer Biden hears, every smile he sees, every fist raised in celebration will express enthusiasm for a political future without him." The Agony and the Ecstasy of Joe Biden’s Convention Speech.

+ I imagine the ovation for Biden is going to be loud and long. One person who will be dreading that moment is showing increased signs of desperation today. Donald Trump Posts Fake Taylor Swift Endorsement Generated by AI: 'I Accept!' (He's basically taunting Taylor into endorsing Kamala. Not a Swift move.)

+ Zoom raises its simultaneous viewer cap to 1 million after massive fundraising calls.

+ Another key story from Chicago will be the Gaza-related protests outside the convention hall. There's a certain irony to this since Biden has clearly made a ceasefire the core goal of the final days of his presidency, and at the moment, it's Hamas that is refusing to agree to the deal. Maybe someone should protest them. Blinken says Israel agrees to a U.S.-backed proposal for a cease-fire and calls on Hamas to do same.

3

Beating Them By Joining?

"Early that December, Rousseau summoned every available member to Washington, D.C., where the group planned to march without a permit on the National Mall. The Seattle contingent met at the airport. But Vincent didn’t show up. Although initially surprised, the crew soon learned why: Vincent wasn’t actually their ally. He’d made off with a huge cache of internal information, which documented everything from their bigoted and misogynistic rants to their recruitment methods and vandalistic exploits. Vincent wasn’t a Fed, though. He was one of a growing number of far-left vigilantes who are infiltrating the far right." David D. Kirkpatrick in The New Yorker: Infiltrating the Far Right. "The threat from domestic terrorism is rising, but, with Republicans decrying the 'deep state,' the F.B.I. is cautious about investigating far-right groups. Vigilantes are leaping into the fray."

+ ProPublica: Armed and Underground: Inside the Turbulent, Secret World of an American Militia.

4

Crowning Vic

"After each question, a pause followed. 'Making decisions that affect many people requires a careful balance of data-driven insights and human empathy,' VIC said in a male-sounding voice. 'Here’s how I would approach it,' it added, before ticking off a six-part plan that included using AI to gather data on public opinion and responding to constituents at town halls." Do you have concerns about officials using AI to help make governing decisions? Well, how about cutting out the middleman and just letting AI be the politician? WaPo (Gift Article): Mayoral candidate vows to let VIC, an AI bot, run Wyoming’s capital city. (It's like self-driving cars. It sounds like a crazy idea until you consider how bad most humans are at driving.)

5

Extra, Extra

Blaming the Victim? "The decision ends a six-year legal saga tested the limits of the court’s leniency toward survivors of sexual abuse who commit resulting crimes." Chrystul Kizer sentenced to 11 years for killing her sex trafficker. "Kizer, now 24, initially faced a possible life sentence for shooting 34-year-old Randall Volar III when she was 17. Volar, who was White, had been filming his sexual abuse of Kizer, who is Black, for more than a year."

+ Quake Stake: "You don’t want a mass evacuation panic that’s not warranted, but you want people not to go on their merry ways." Earthquake scientists are learning warning signs of the 'big one.' When should they tell the public?

+ Stimulating News: "Although the study was small, it represents the strides being made in using brain implants and artificial intelligence to personalize treatment for neurological and psychiatric disorders — essentially developing pacemakers for the brain." NYT: A Personalized Brain Pacemaker for Parkinson’s. "In a new frontier for deep brain stimulation, researchers used A.I. to develop individualized algorithms, which helped a skateboarder and other patients with Parkinson’s disease."

+ Frozen Assets: "The Canadian owner of Circle K convenience stores has made a bid to buy 7-Eleven in what would be the biggest foreign takeover of a Japanese company on record and the largest cross-border acquisition this year."

+ Net Gains: "However much the Golden Gate Bridge may be a sublime symbol of San Francisco and a magnificent architectural achievement, it is also a place of death. But a barrier designed to keep people from jumping off the 87-year-old Art Deco span is saving lives only eight months after its completion." After only 8 months, the Golden Gate Bridge’s anti-suicide nets have saved a lot of lives.

+ Georgia Bulldogs: "In the past three and a half years, the ad hoc certification ploys that failed to flip the last presidential election to Mr. Trump have been professionalized and systematized by Republican officials and their allies." Rachel Maddow in the NYT (Gift Article): What Worries Me Most About Election Night. "In Georgia, the State Election Board approved a rule this month that gives election officials in each of the state’s 159 counties the option to delay or refuse certification in order to make a 'reasonable inquiry' into the results. What counts as a 'reasonable inquiry?' The new rule does not say."

+ The Man Who Seized the Day: "The 11-time Daytime Emmy winner presided over his program for 29 years and forged a path for Oprah Winfrey and others to follow." Phil Donahue, Pioneering Talk Show Host, Dies at 88.

+ Juicy News: "Lemonade stands used to be only for kids who wanted to make pocket change during their summer breaks. Now people in their 20s and 30s around the country have started squeezing lemons to pay off bills. They set up stands at farmers markets, local festivals and concerts. Proprietors say it’s very profitable, but the business is extremely weather dependent and has gotten highly competitive." Not just for kids anymore: Adults turn to lemonade stands as side hustles.

6

Bottom of the News

"He started collecting toilet paper around the 1970s. Back then, Charmin’s regular roll had 650 sheets of single ply toilet paper…650! By 1975, the roll shrunk to 500 and then to 400 in 1979." Today? 224. Why toilet paper keeps getting smaller and smaller. (You can always bet your bottom dollar on shrinkflation.)