The only thing Americans are buying at home improvement stores is 12-foot-tall skeletons.

Lowe’s became the latest home improvement company to share underwhelming revenue results yesterday, as DIYers hold off on costly home makeovers amid high interest rates and inflation-squeezed budgets.

• Lowe’s same-store sales fell 5.1% last quarter from the same period a year ago, and the retailer now expects a same-store revenue drop of as much as 4% for the year—a bigger dip than previously projected.
• Home Depot recently warned investors that it’s bracing for sales to drop as much as 4% this year, compared to the 1% it anticipated. The company reported a sales dip in Q2, with customers spending less per visit.

The retailers say the economic climate is making many customers feel that 2024 is not the year to be waking up the neighbors with the sound of a sledgehammer.

Not in this economy

Both Home Depot and Lowe’s attribute the sales slowdown to customers waiting for interest rates to fall before taking out a loan for a new home that needs renovating or borrowing for pricey projects like a kitchen remodel in their current dwelling. Home Depot CFO Richard McPhail says the “[purchase] deferral mindset” is also a result of economic uncertainty.

Fewer housewarming parties along with elevated economic anxiety also mean fewer new couches and butler’s tables. Wayfair recently said that its furniture sales have taken a nosedive that mirrors the drop in demand during the 2008 financial crisis.

Analysts expect more people to start rolling up their sleeves for DIY projects once the Fed slashes borrowing costs, which is widely expected to happen next month.

Big picture: Despite months of biting inflation and a recent downturn in the job market, consumers upped spending last month on items they use outside the home, like electronics and cars. Many are turning to bargain hunting, as evidenced by Walmart’s blowout sales last quarter.—SK

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Alex Cooper defected from Spotify to SiriusXM for $125 million. The last Cooper to get a windfall this big was Anderson when his Vanderbilt check came in the mail. Per Variety, the three-year deal will see SiriusXM replace Spotify as Alex Cooper’s exclusive distribution and advertising partner. The star Call Her Daddy podcaster’s initial entente with Spotify, inked for $60 million in 2021, was the second-biggest at the time, behind only Joe Rogan’s deal with the streaming platform. Since then, SiriusXM has unloaded massive $100+ million deals for podcasts like SmartLess, while Spotify has reportedly become more selective in its non-Rogan podcast investments.

Eli Lilly said its weight loss drugs can prevent diabetes. Taking Zepbound or Mounjaro can cut the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes by 94% in overweight and prediabetic people, according to a new study from the US drugmaker. The drugs, similar to Ozempic and Wegovy from rival company Novo Nordisk, cost more than $1,000 a month and have fueled Eli Lilly’s stock since hitting the market in recent years. The pharma giant sold ~$3.1 billion of Mounjaro last quarter, up from $980 million in the same period last year.

Paramount suddenly has another suitor. The world’s least juicy media merger finally got some intrigue yesterday when Edgar Bronfman Jr., the heir to the Seagram beverage empire, officially submitted his previously rumored bid to buy Paramount Global for $5.5 billion, Axios reported. Paramount already agreed to merge with Skydance Media last month for $8 billion, but that deal allows the entertainment company to shop around for other offers for 45 days. Bronfman reportedly thinks his lower bid could ultimately beat out Skydance’s because some Paramount shareholders are unhappy with Skydance’s $4.5 billion valuation as part of its merger agreement. Whoever wins the bidding war will own the rights to franchises like SpongeBob SquarePants, Mission: Impossible, and Transformers.

Mike Lynch, the software entrepreneur known as “Britain’s Bill Gates,” and five other passengers of the Bayesian yacht are presumed dead as rescue workers continue to search for their bodies in the aftermath of a shipwreck.

The backstory: Early Monday morning off the coast of Sicily, a quick and dangerous storm capsized the yacht while leaving nearby boats unscathed. Meteorologists and eyewitnesses believe a waterspout, the term for a tornado at sea, dismasted the vessel and likely pinned it to the water.

The Bayesian passengers were celebrating Lynch’s acquittal in what the law firm representing him called “one of Silicon Valley’s biggest-ever fraud cases.” Hewlett-Packard had accused Lynch of inflating the value of his company, Autonomy, before selling it to HP for $11 billion. In June, the 13-year case ended with the jury clearing him of wrongdoing.

After the yacht sank, 15 people were saved by a passenger ship anchored nearby. Rescuers later recovered the body of the yacht’s chef. The search continues for the remaining six people on board.

Who are they? The chairman of Morgan Stanley International, Jonathan Bloomer, and former Assistant US Attorney Chris Morvillo, a partner at the law firm Clifford Chance who represented Lynch, along with their wives, are missing. So is Lynch’s 18-year-old daughter.—HVL

8% dividend yield opportunity. Monogram (Nasdaq: MGRM), known for their autonomous robotic surgical systems, completed a crowdfunded public offering and Nasdaq listing last year. What’s next? They just filed for FDA approval to commercialize their patented tech. Monogram’s currently offering preferred stock with an 8% dividend yield (in cash or kind) at $2.25/share. Their common shares closed at $3.11 yesterday. Monogram currently plans to close the Series D Preferred offering September 12, 2024.

Finally, there will soon be another option for nostalgia-fueled dissociation that isn’t Dawson’s Creek reruns. The beloved ’90s video game franchise Backyard Sports is coming back to life nearly 10 years after it stopped releasing new games, the studio Playground Productions announced yesterday. The relaunch, which will take place “in the coming months,” per the studio, will include more games and an expansion into film, TV, and merch.

We’re all ready to play. If your idea of backyard sports involves chucking a Frisbee at a beer bottle balancing on top of a pole, welcome back to the pixelated gaming world of yesteryear that’s like Madden if it substituted cherubic cartoon kids for pro athletes. The franchise’s wide popularity over nearly 30 years augurs success for its reboot, which will apparently stay true to its lovable players, like the 3-foot tall, home-run-hitting sensation Pablo Sanchez, as well as its selection of “stadiums.”

Zoom out: Nostalgia is Hollywood’s latest secret weapon. While no production details have been announced, the brand’s revival is in line with the US film industry’s pattern of reboots of increasingly recent franchises (e.g., That ’90s Show, Fuller House, and Frasier) as studios mine nostalgia instead of coming up with original stuff.—CC

The next time you see a gold bar and think, “That looks like it’s worth $1 million,” you will be correct, because the value of a gold bar hit $1 million for the first time last week. The price of the yellowish precious metal—which is not just a prop for pirate movies and is actually something banks and investors buy and sell—has climbed more than 20% this year as bullion fiends bet on a Fed interest rate cut. Rate cuts are generally good for gold, since it doesn’t bear interest, unlike bonds. The market is also heating up for the smaller, consumer-focused gold bars you can buy at stores like Costco, which are not worth $1 million but can still make you feel like a James Bond villain.