This is the Tuesday post at Downtime (on a Wednesday today :)), a chance to slow down and take our time—featuring deep dives, personal essays, and interviews where I hope you’ll learn a thing or two and leave inspired.

Having everything in its place is my key to truly kicking back and enjoying my downtime (see what I did there?). I need most of the chores checked off before I can sink into my couch and lose myself in a good book. (Hello, Type A life.)

But when we had a baby, our home life was thrown into chaos for a few (okay, a lot of) months. Suddenly, my perfectly organized life became a distant memory as our old chore system crumbled under the weight of tiny socks and never-ending diaper duty.

Once my husband and I went back to work after our respective leaves, things got even more hectic. You’re saying we’re meant to work our 9-5 jobs, take care of a tiny human before and after work, all while ensuring our electricity bill got paid on time, we filled out that one form for daycare, and maybe shower more than once a week?! I found myself near meltdown status, wondering, How do other parents do this without losing their minds? I was convinced there had to be some secret, maybe a magical parenting handbook everyone got except us.

It quickly became clear that we needed a new plan to manage everything. So, one evening, we sat down, poured a glass of wine, and created a spreadsheet—yes, essentially an adult chore chart, color-coded for good measure. Because nothing says “we’ve got this under control” like a beautifully color-coded Excel sheet, right? :)

Our biggest game changer? A weekly swap system. Each week, we switch off between two task bundles (below) to avoid burnout. These are the tasks we both identified as daunting to take on week after week…

• Weekly Task “Bundle A”: Meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, bathtime, pajamas

• Weekly Task “Bundle B”: Dishwashing, bottles, bedtime stories, and cleaning common areas

We also each have “evergreen” tasks that we handle individually, like daycare pickups, dog walking, or shopping for baby—chores we either enjoy or are just better at than the other. So far, this system has been working surprisingly well, but we check in and adjust as needed when life throws us a curveball.

Having our split of duties written down somewhere has been a big gamechanger. There’s something satisfying about settling a debate with, “Let’s check the Chore Chart.” Because a color-coded spreadsheet never lies. —Alisha

💬 Let’s chat!

When splitting up duties, do you just go by ~vibes~ or do you also have a chore chart/specific tasks? Any other smart tips for getting it all done? Let’s swap ideas and vent in the comments below (open to all).

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When I decided to write about household chores, I knew I had to talk to Lindsey Stanberry. Lindsey is the founder of The Purse newsletter and writes a fantastic column called Division of Labor, where couples self-report on how they split duties at home. Her realistic insights are invaluable for anyone looking to better balance the workload in their household.

On fairness and communication…

“Everyone I talk to admits that it takes a lot of trial and error. And after talking to so many couples, I'm not sure it's possible for things to be equal, but you can get to a place where everyone feels pretty good about how household and childcare responsibilities are divided up. With kids, their needs are constantly changing, so it can't be a one-and-done conversation—parents need to be constantly talking about it and making adjustments.”

On the value of childcare…

“Having good childcare is really worth it. Yes, it's SO expensive, but it's also really important for helping parents manage the day-to-day burden of raising kids. I don't think we talk enough about how paying for care can make families' lives run much more smoothly.”

On mental load and invisible labor…

“I started the Division of Labor series because I wanted Ken to understand how much I do that can't be seen—the school forms and the playdates and the switching out of seasonal clothing (my personal albatross!). But it actually made me more aware of how much he does. The work of parenting and taking care of a home is never done.”

On outsourcing…

“If you can afford it, pay for services that make your life easier, and don't feel guilty about it! Whether it's a cleaning person, meal delivery, or anything else, it's worth it for the sanity and balance it brings to your household.”

Just for fun: poll time!

📰 Further reading and links:

• If you liked today’s issue, you might enjoy this newsletter from the Girls’ Night In archives on the same topic.

• The book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky comes up a lot whenever I bring up this topic. Though we haven’t used the system exactly, I found this (free) list of tasks on her website incredibly helpful when we were making our chore chart (especially the “daily grind”) ones.

Coming up next: In this Friday’s newsletter, I’ll share some smart tips from other friends on how they handle their chores, plus ideas for getting stuff done while *living solo* from two Downtime readers.