The Rubesletter - Don’t botsh*t where you eat
This is the Rubesletter from Matt Ruby. I’m a comedian, writer, and the creator of Vooza. Every Tuesday, I send essays, jokes, and videos to your inbox. You’re on the free plan, for the full experience, sign up for a paid subscription. Don’t botsh*t where you eatOn black sludge, AI, and why you might want to cut back on microwave popcorn.It’s the most basic life advice there is: Don’t sh*t where you eat. In fact, some caveman probably said it first. And yet… Thanks to recent technological “advancements,” we keep swimming in our own stink. See: Black sludge ”Go ahead, use sewage as farmland fertilizer,” said the federal government. It’s rich in nutrients! It’ll keep sludge out of landfills! What could go wrong? Well, guess what? Turns out something called “black sludge” ain’t great for humans (or animals).
Perhaps you’re thinking, “Glad that’s not me.” Eh, keep in mind this same sludge is also found in everyday items like microwave popcorn bags, nonstick pans, and stain-resistant carpets. [Slowly puts down popcorn.] Of course, science is hard. How could they have known? Um, perhaps the literal smell of death should have been a bit of a 🚩.
Don’t sh*t where you eat. Meanwhile… Roll over, Beethoven A Reddit poster recently shared the Google search results for Beethoven. Here’s what Google thinks Beethoven looks like: The weird thing here: Actual portraits of Beethoven exist. So why are we seeing this AI-generated garbage? Because we keep training AI with AI slop. Garbage in, garbage out. Ted Gioia wrote about this AI pollution and the “tech mindset that prefers zonked-out fakery over historical accuracy.”
“You don’t dump your waste products into your drinking water.” In fact, AI is out here telling us to put glue on pizza. And when we point out that’s a bad idea, tech companies give us a bunch of whoopsies and insist these are mere “hallucinations.” And that is where I draw the line. Dear tech overlords: Stop perverting the term “hallucinating.” Through drug hallucinations, I’ve discovered profound truths and seen the interconnectedness of the universe. But you know what’s never occurred to me while hallucinating? To put glue on goddamn pizza. I get it. These companies need more data for their language models. Fine. But going out and ingesting every Reddit comment ever and then spitting it back in our faces with some fine print “buyer beware” caveat is just leading us deeper into dreck. It’s the digital equivalent of using sewage as fertilizer. Don’t sh*t where you eat. Slop and enshittification We’re all smelling it too. Ryan Broderick recently wrote "The Age Of Slop," detailing how there is worthless content, generated in bulk by machines, everywhere we look:
Oink, oink. But hey, whatever it takes to please “Aunty Algo.” 🤮🐽 Cory Doctorow has gone viral by explaining how ‘enshittification’ is coming for absolutely everything.
It seems clear. We’re increasingly surrounded by botsh*t. And that begs the question: If there are piles of 💩 everywhere, where the hell are we supposed to eat? If you dig what’s happening here, please support. Paid plans are just a few bucks a month and you’ll get bonus goodies too. Appreciate it.Comedy🃏 Get jokes on my social media: Instagram – TikTok – Threads – X – Substack Notes. 🃏 Watch my standup at YouTube. I post new Shorts there on the regular and got a new special coming soon. Here’s a clip about food fashion: 🃏 New NYC show alert: GOOD EGGS is going uptown! It’ll be every Monday night at 7:30pm at the new NY Comedy Club on the Upper West Side. My other weekly shows: HOT SOUP at Comedy Cellar and GOOD EGGS (WED) at NY Comedy Club (East Village). Quickies🎯 Why do they call it crypto? ‘Cuz if you’re trying to attract a woman, talking about it is like kryptonite. 🎯 Stoicism is the caveman diet but for ideas. 🎯 Bratty thoughts:
🎯 Re: Liam and Noel…
🎯 Silver lining: Low information voters in swing states will totally be on the front lines if there’s a civil war. Darwin effect in action. 🎯 Can’t believe this Tenet payola story! Also: I think what China is doing is super cool. They should be able to control Taiwan. And communism rocks. General Tso should get statues in America too. Brilliant military/spice strategist! 🇨🇳 (Xi: my venmo is @rubymatt) 🎯 Society has lost “Rated R” as a category. Everything now is either G or XXX. You can get Disney/TikTok clean or OnlyFans/hardcore filth, but almost nothing in between. We don’t make things for grownups anymore. It’s all for children or freaks. 🎯 My problem's no longer with Caitlin Clark's opponents. It is with her teammates who think complaining is enough of a reaction in response to Clark getting roughed up repeatedly. Ask any teammate of Gretzky or MJ what's supposed to happen when your meal ticket gets walloped. 🎯 The tolerant people have never been so intolerant before. 🎯 Tech unbundled everything, including our democracy. 🎯 My message to women who complain they can't find a man: Just pretend you're a fan of Joe Rogan. 🎯 Can’t believe people need a book to teach them how to not give a f*ck. 🎯 We used to have water cooler conversations. Now, we all just carry around our own lil' water coolers. It’s a metaphor for so much of what’s happened to our society. 🎯 I've never seen a female magician. But I have seen a woman pull more things out of a purse than I ever could have believed possible, so maybe I have? 🎯 We rarely talk about one of the most effective cures for depression: repression. Sure, you'll wind up with back pain or some other manifestation of bottled up rage. But at least you got to kick the can down the road for a little while. It’s like a psychological snooze button! 🎯 I really appreciate it when athletes are open about their mental health struggles. And yet, every time I hear one go public about something like that, my first thought is “I really hope they don’t get traded to Philadelphia.” 🎯 One of the main features of non-boat activities is the ability to go home any time you want. 🎯 No one gets away with fat shaming more than cardiologists. 🎯 The "mainstream media" is the boogeyman for faux intellectuals. 🎯 Unpopular take: It's fine to post nothing about Israel/Gaza. Not everything needs to be performative. Grief, outrage, heartbreak, etc. It's okay to keep it offline. 🎯 I never feel lonelier than when someone tries to discuss the weather with me. All I can see is how little they think of us as a conversational duo. C'mon, man, we can do better. BELIEVE IN US! 🎯 Inflatable swans don't get enough credit for how much they've done for influencers. PodcastListen to Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby:
Here’s a clip from the latest ep: 5-spotted🗯️ Choose. Irvine Welsh in Trainspotting:
🗯️ Douglas Rushkoff: “People don’t listen to facts, anyway.”
🗯️ John Krasinski, after seeing a film, told Paul Thomas Anderson, “It’s not a good movie.” The “Phantom Thread” director chastised him.
🗯️ Why Mireille Silcoff paid her daughter to read a book.
🗯️ Tyler Cowen: The high-return activity of raising others’ aspirations.
Thanks for reading. Share it if ya cared for it. ✌️ -Matt You’re on the free list for The Rubesletter by Matt Ruby. For bonus content, become a paying subscriber. Check out Matt’s other newsletter: Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. Follow Matt elsewhere: Instagram • YouTube • Threads • Twitter • TikTok • Facebook |
Older messages
The three-song limit
Sunday, September 1, 2024
How bands treat press photographers is how we should all lead our lives. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
Let's stop talking about GOATs
Monday, August 26, 2024
The term is basically meaningless now. || Also: Axes, vaping, fashion, mental health, candles, and crabs. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
What the media can learn from comedian podcasters like Theo Von, Joe Rogan, & Marc Maron
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On the importance of setting a frame. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
Report Card: How Trump, Harris, Vance, and Walz measure up
Tuesday, August 20, 2024
Grading the candidates. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
My unpopular view on body positivity
Tuesday, August 20, 2024
Also: Toni Morrison on survival, the Dems and young men, why your phone is making you unsexy, and what we get wrong about Steve Jobs. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
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