I was scrolling Instagram the other day, as you do, and a story caught my attention just before I accidentally swiped off it. It was about the New Year. From the brief glimpse of the story the person posting it said their friend had asked the question - what if this year was your best year yet? It was a post about learning to be more optimistic.

It stood out to me because so often people are posting resolutions or things they don’t want to bring with them – metaphorically – into the new year and it can feel like it’s very much focused on the negative. “I won’t do this” or “this is out” whereas this post struck a chord with me. Looking forward at this year, I was feeling quite overwhelmed and not very positive, which I want to explore here. This may be a bit of a word vomit as I’m really writing to work out what I am thinking, if that makes sense. Perhaps it will resonate with some of you…

On paper, 2025 could very well be my best year yet (although it will have to top the year I finally became a mummy so not sure it will be the very best!). I’ve got something extremely exciting happening – my book coming out, which is a total dream come true – but it is also quite stressful and anxiety-inducing and, like everyone, I’m hardwired to focus on the negatives even though generally I do consider myself to be fairly optimistic.

If someone said to me, this is probably going to be a really great year for you, I would agree but then not be able to help caveat it with all the things that could go wrong or ways in which it will be stressful or hard even in the face of something so special and amazing happening as becoming a published writer. I wish I didn’t have this tendency and could just say – yes, you’re right! Maybe it’s a British thing. I think in general, we struggle with accepting compliments and have the tendency to downplay things. I see examples all the time. I was walking past two women the other day and heard one compliment the other on her coat. “Oh this,” she said. "I just got it in a charity shop years ago.” Come to think of it, it’s also probably a woman thing!

Last week wasn’t how I would have loved to start the year. I had to start back at work after ending my maternity leave after nine months (in the UK we are entitled to 12 months). There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, I simply couldn’t afford to take any longer off work. I may be parenting with my friend rather than solo, which means things aren’t quite as expensive as they could be, but we obviously don’t financially support each other like we might if we were a romantic couple. It’s still all on my shoulders to earn enough money to pay my bills. Secondly, Tom is taking shared parental leave and so is taking three months of my leave entitlement – which is something I’m so passionate about – more equity in child rearing – and am so glad is happening but is also bittersweet because I wish I didn’t have to give up my months for him to have his (and that I could afford the final part) but it’s just the way the policy works.

The other reason is that I simply wouldn’t be able to do all of the book promotion while being my baby’s primary caregiver. The last few months have been hard while I’ve tried to juggle both and handing over to Tom has already made things easier in terms of giving me the headspace to plow through my colossal to do list. Still, I can’t help but feel sad not to be with my baby all day everyday and get the full 12 months I’m entitled to like many of the other new mums I know. It made me feel quite negative about this year.

But again, maybe I just need to shift my perspective and be a little more optimistic about these next three months – and further ahead when we will both be working and juggling childcare. This is just the start of a new era, and it could end up being a wonderful new chapter where I’ll get to still experience the amazingness of motherhood but also experience new doors opening for me, career-wise, and perhaps even a new focus and drive to do my best work or be smarter about going for higher paid work instead of lowballing myself (because if I’m going to be away from my baby I want it to be worth it!). (Reading this great article by Rachel Hills in Vogue about the underrated joy of being a working mum helped.)

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about how striving to be more optimistic as single people could also be a game changer. It’s all too easy to focus on what we’re lacking rather than what we do have, especially as society can make us feel like failures for the things – or person – we are missing. I used to be stuck in this way of thinking so much. In recent years, new year has been a painful reminder of time passing me by, making me feel more and more behind. It’s easy to be pessimistic, especially as there is still so much shame and stigma and misconceptions around our relationship status and what it means to be single, whether we internalise that or not. I think to be optimistic even in the face of all of the negative noise around being single is a radical act in and of itself.

I’ve also been thinking for a long time about how when I first starting writing this newsletter, I got pigeonholed a little as being part of the single positivity movement and at first I let that happen because I was excited by any press mentions for The Single Supplement – and I am really so grateful for all the early press I got and stand by the quotes I gave – but really my approach is much more nuanced than some of the pieces presented. I really believe it’s possible to be happy being single and I think we all deserve to be happy and experience joy – but I have always acknowledged and delved into the challenges and the negative sides of being single. Single positivity – or on the flipside, hating being single and only seeing the negatives – is such black and white thinking. In reality, and as I discussed in a recent issue, it’s not fixed and we might swing from one to the other even in the space of a day (I certainly do!) One of the chapters in my book explores my feelings around this and it’s called Living in the Grey.

But even with the nuance and even with the acknowledgment around the hard parts, is it still possible to allow ourselves to feel just a little more optimistic about being single and about your year ahead? I am going to try. I think optimism differs a little from simply trying to be positive. The latter seems to disregard all the challenges whereas the word optimism, to me at least, signifies that yes, it can be hard but even in the face of that, let’s have hope that things could also be great. Or even just okay, depending on where you are starting from.

There are good reasons to embrace optimism. People who are optimistic tend to be healthier, sleep better and live longer, according to recent studies like this one and this one. And according to the experts, optimism can be learned and cultivated. In this fun article, a pessimist speaks to scientists and therapists for tips as he spends a week experimenting with trying to be an optimist.

So, I want to ask you, what if 2025 was your best year yet? What might that look like? However you feel about being single, is there a way to introduce just a little more fun and just a little more joy into the year? Perhaps this something you could journal on.

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As a side note, I am going to be launching seasonal journaling sessions on Zoom for paying subscribers. I recently did a session for new mums and really enjoyed leading it. If this interests you, do sign up as a paying subscriber if you haven’t already so you’ll be the first to know.

While I’m here, another benefit to being a paying subscriber is an invite to my book launch party in London next month (subject to availability).

Have a good week

Nicola

Single (the book) news

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• I’m thrilled that my book was chosen as one of the best books to look out for in 2025 by The Independent. The writer of the article Katie Rosseinsky said about Single:

Journalist Nicola Slawson has been writing about solo life in her Substack newsletter The Single Supplement for years. Now, she’s compiled a frank, thoughtful book to take you through the ups and downs – and help you find joy in your single status.

The best books to look out for in 2025, from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie to Adam Kay

• I wrote my first article for a US publication about being single. Very excitingly, it was for the Wall Street Journal. I contributed to the About Face column, which is where writers talk about something they have changed their mind about. You can read it here:

Being Single Used to Make Me Feel Like a Failure. Not Anymore. (Behind a paywall)

• Five years after I first appeared on Shani Silver’s podcast A Single Serving podcast, I was excited to be asked to be a guest again. In it I talk about my journey to having a baby with my friend and why I chose this way rather than going solo.

Podcast Episode: How Am I Going To Have A Baby? (Behind a paywall)

• Hilariously, Single is in the top ten Hot New Releases for the category of Family and Marriage on Amazon. In fact, at the time of writing it is number 3 in the list! I think it would be really funny to get even higher up this list. Maybe it will help some people who really need it to see it. If you plan to order from Amazon, the link is here.

What I’ve been listening to

• An oldie but a goodie – with great lyrics.

• I enjoyed this fun conversation with one of my favourites Elizabeth Gilbert who talks about the joy of being single and recovering from being a love addict.

About Nicola

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Nicola Slawson is passionate about telling human stories – either other people's or her own – and is a freelance journalist, writer and public speaker based in Shropshire in the UK. The Single Supplement is an award-winning newsletter on Substack, especially for single people. Her debut book Single is out in February and available to pre-order now. Follow Nicola on Instagram.

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