I’ve had a whirlwind few weeks since I last wrote to you all. My book launched in the US and then two days later in the UK. I went to London and had a book launch party! I did countless radio, podcast and interviews for print publications. I wrote a bunch of articles! I had my photo taken by a professional photographer for a broadsheet. I visited my UK publishing house. I went for lunch with my editor. I finally met my agent and my agent’s assistant in real life (we have only met on Zoom until now!).

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I then got really ill with a stomach bug and then was totally exhausted. I finally felt better and did my first book event – a talk at Conway Hall to around 80 people (60 in the room, 20 online). I visited a bunch of bookshops in London, Windsor, Sussex and Shropshire and either told them about my book or signed copies if they already had it on the shelves. I’ve done tons of social media content and replied to loads of amazing messages and emails from people who have already read the book. It has been go go go.

Thank you to all of you who have bought the book, it means so much to me! On that note, the winner of my epic pre-order competition with the amazing Paso-Primero was Debbie Wheeler! Congrats Debbie. Thanks to everyone who entered and pre-ordered my book. It meant the world to me!

To celebrate the book’s release, the lovely folk at Paso-Primero have put together this special case of wine with an extra bottle thrown in, just for readers of this newsletter. They have even called it The Single Supplement Case! Take advantage and enjoy the same wine we drank at the launch party here.

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I will write more soon on the experience and what I’ve learned but today I want to share with you an exclusive extract from the book. It’s actually my favourite part of the book and it really made me smile when I read it out loud for the audiobook so I hope you enjoy it too. I wrote it two years ago and so now it’s actually been 12 years since I last called someone my boyfriend (I don’t count all the situationships, flings and flirtations during that time!). I still feel the same as the way I felt when I realised it was my 10 year anniversary. If I had thought I would be single for this long when I first decided to stop dating ‘for a while’, I would have been horrified but the reality is very different. I’ll let you read on below to find out how I felt – and still feel!

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If you have already read the book, thank you so much! If you have/when you do, I’d be so grateful if you could leave an Amazon review (you don’t have to have bought the book on Amazon to do this) or on Goodreads if you don’t use Amazon. This will help others find the book and help spread the message.

If you haven’t got your book yet and you’re in the UK, you can buy a signed copy from the amazing Booka bookshop online (and in store in Oswestry and Bridgnorth). If you’re in the US, here’s the Amazon link and or you can buy from the famous Powell’s here.

Have a good week,

Nicola

Order my book Single here | Follow me on Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

My 10 year anniversary of being single

While I was editing this book, I went to see Rebecca Lucy Taylor – better known as SELF ESTEEM – performing in Birmingham. I went to the gig with two other thirty-somethings, one I knew a little and one I didn’t know at all. Perhaps because of the kind of vulnerable and honest music we were about to hear, our conversation skipped the small talk. Within ten minutes of meeting, we began exchanging war stories of times in our single and/or childless lives where we have been pushed to the side and seen as less important than our married friends with kids. Some of the things we didn’t even need to say because it didn’t need explaining. The story exchange continued in a frenzy of ‘oh my God, I relate’ and ‘that happened to me too’, right up until the moment the lights went down and the performance began. By the end of the night we had our arms round each other, swaying and singing along to the music like we’d known each other forever.

The gig was a near spiritual experience for me. Aside from the music and the performance, it was how it felt to be united with thousands of others all being unapologetically ourselves at the same moment in time. It felt as if we were all worshipping in one of those evangelical churches where the congregation rejoice loudly and don’t shy away from letting themselves go. Is it, I wonder, the fact that some of SELF ESTEEM’s lyrics, which include thoughts on marriage and everyone having children, are the type of things lots of us secretly think but feel we shouldn’t say out loud? And yet, in that room, we all felt safe and confident enough to chant them at the tops of our voices, in communion with each other. It felt liberating, empowering and all those other clichés. At times I felt like I was going to levitate.

Mid-show, I also realised something. It had been ten years that month since I last called someone my boyfriend. The thought made me laugh. It seemed to have crept up on me. ‘It’s my tenth anniversary of being single,’ I thought, rolling the idea around my head. Instead of making me feel sad or embarrassed, I felt strangely proud of myself. Impressed, actually. It’s like my younger self – that clingy, needy girl who would do anything for love – had stepped out of my body and was looking over in shock and awe that I’d actually managed it. ‘Fair play,’ she says. ‘I didn’t think you had it in you.’

The opening bars of ‘I Do This All The Time’ – Rebecca’s mission statement of sorts – began, and jolted me back to reality. As she told us not to be intimidated by all the babies others have had, tears filled my eyes. I thought: SELF ESTEEM gets it. These girls I’m with get it. Every soul in this room gets it. Isn’t that the most powerful thing you can experience? Total empathy and solidarity and understanding. It felt like a sigh of relief, like a weight had temporarily lifted off my shoulders. I felt alive. I felt free – and the realisation of how long I’d been single only added to this feeling of liberation and joy.

On the way back from the gig, still feeling high, I thought again of Paula Schargorodsky’s documentary. I realised I could now nod along in agreement when she says that happiness is a choice. Even when things are crap, we can choose to look for the light. We can choose to make the most of our lives and can choose to appreciate and feel grateful for the good in our lives instead of focusing on what we’re lacking. We can choose not to miss out on joy and how great it is to just be our authentic, true independent selves.

Even if you want to find someone tomorrow, I think that letting the fact that you can feel – and actually are – complete on your own really sink in could make your day today as a single person so much better. From my own experience, knowing that I’m not one half of a person gives me an inner confidence that is priceless. As Bella DePaulo points out, one really is a whole number.

Reviews of Single

• “Fiercely honest and comforting” – The Irish Independent. Read the full review here.

• “A joyous read.” – Stylist magazine

• “Journalist Nicola Slawson's just written the single girl's manifesto and she's unapologetic about it. Based on her newsletter The Single Supplement and her own experiences, she's sure single women aren't looking for another how-to book that belittles them.” – Brit + co.

• “If you are newly single, long-term single, intentionally single or considering leaving your current relationship, this book is for you.” – Stylist online

• “A highly researched and honest exploration of the joys and challenges of being single” – She Does The City.

Things to read (the Single edition)

• The Telegraph: I had a baby with my gay best friend – here’s why it’s the perfect arrangement | This is an adapted extract from my book with an update on the whole platonic co-parenting thing, featuring some nice photos of me and the babe!

• The Irish Independent: ‘After 10 years of being single and loving it, I asked my gay best friend to have a baby with me’ | Similar theme to the above but I also delved into my teen years and my obsession with getting a boyfriend at any cost – and how I paid for that.

• The iPaper: At 40, I've been single for a decade - it's an achievement, not a source of shame | I wrote this article to celebrate the release of the new Bridget Jones film although I haven’t had chance to go and see it yet and also to celebrate my book!

• Brit +co: What Every Single Woman Needs To Know, According To Nicola Slawson's Buzzy New Manifesto | Love this description of my book: “a powerful single girls manifesto for anyone who's still learning how to embrace this season of their lives.”

• Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper: Being Single Is on the Rise. Nicola Slawson Gets Real About the Challenges and Joys of Not Being Partnered | Really enjoyed this chat and I know I gained a lot of followers when it was published so hello if you’re one of them!

Things to watch or listen to (the Single edition)

• CBS Mornings: Unconventional Valentine's Day books for couples and singles | I was thrilled and honoured to be one of the five books that editorial director of Amazon Sarah Gelman recommended in her monthly segment. I love how she described it. Gayle King also said the name of my book! Amazing!

• KQED Forum: Why You Shouldn't 'Wait for a Partner for Your Life to Start' | I took part in an hour-long radio interview with listeners calling in with comments and questions. It was really fun. I felt like I was in Sleepless in Seattle (I swear the presenter even sounded like the one in the film!) You can also read my comments here.

• WNYC’s “All of It” with Alison Stewart: An Exploration Of Single Life | Another enjoyable radio interview, this time for a station in New York!

• SiriusXM’s “Mornings with Zerlina”: Feminist Friday Valentine's Day | This one was particularly fun as the host was also single so totally got it.

• The Irish Times’ Women’s Podcast: Single on Valentine’s Day | I was thrilled to be invited on this podcast, which has had some amazing guests (I guess it’s Ireland’s answer to Woman’s Hour) and had a really good chat with host Róisín Ingle.

• Thrive Solo: The One Where Author & Journalist, Nicola Slawson, Is Back On The Podcast! | It was great to return to Lucy Meggeson’s podcast which has just been renamed. It was called Spinsterhood Reimagined and now Thrive Solo, which I love.

• BBC Radio Shropshire: Being single in a world designed for couples | My local BBC radio station had me on to talk about the themes in my book. I quite enjoyed surprising the presenter with how I ended up choosing to have a child.

About Nicola

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Nicola Slawson is passionate about telling human stories – either other people's or her own – and is a freelance journalist, writer and public speaker based in Shropshire in the UK. The Single Supplement is an award-winning newsletter on Substack, especially for single people. Her debut book Single is out now and here are the links to buy it. Follow Nicola on Instagram.

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