President Trump signed an executive order yesterday that would strip down the Department of Education, checking off one of his major campaign goals and fulfilling a longtime conservative agenda item. The move could put the management of the US’ $1.6 trillion student loan balance in flux.

Can a department be abolished?

Congress gaveth, so Congress has to be the ones to officially taketh away, something the administration has acknowledged.

The Department of Education began operating in 1980 following bipartisan legislation that broke up the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare.

While state and local governments provide over 85% of public school funding, the Education Dept. is predominantly a financial institution, administering grants to schools and programs in need:

• Congress created the department with equity in mind following the US’ anti-poverty and civil rights movements.
• The act that brought it into existence said part of its mandate was “to strengthen the Federal commitment to ensuring access to equal educational opportunity for every individual.”

What comes next

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said the greatly reduced Department of Education would still be responsible for student loans, Pell Grants, funding special education, and enforcing civil rights provisions in schools.

But the department currently only has 2,183 employees, about half of what it had at the start of the year. Republicans have floated other ideas that may come to pass if the gutted department cannot handle major functions:

• The Justice Department could handle civil rights enforcement; the Treasury, student loans; and Health and Human Services, disability rights.
• One expert told CNBC that borrowers waiting on their student loan forgiveness could find their applications stalled.

Pushback: Persis Yu, the deputy executive director of the Student Borrower Protection Center, acknowledged that the advocacy group had “a lot of critiques” of the Education Department’s past performance, but warned that giving the student loan portfolio to the Treasury would hand it over “to people even less qualified to run it.”—HVL

Nike sales fell—but not as badly as Wall Street predicted. The sports retailer’s revenue fell 9% to $11.3 billion in the most recent quarter, beating analyst estimates of an 11% drop. A 17% plunge in sales in China was largely to blame for the decline. Still, shares rose in after-hours trading, perhaps one sign that investors are pleased with the early returns on new CEO Elliott Hill’s turnaround strategy. Hill, who came out of retirement to take the role last year, has shaken up the company’s C-suite and made deals with pro sports leagues in an attempt to move Nike away from fashion and return it to its sports-centric roots.

Delta flight that flipped upside down was descending too fast. According to a preliminary report from the Transportation Safety Board (TSB) of Canada, the Feb. 17 Delta flight that crash-landed, flipped over, burst into flames, and sent 21 people to the hospital had a high rate of descent. Canada’s TSB said the plane was traveling at 155 mph about 2.6 seconds before touchdown, when its ground proximity warning system sounded. TSB Chair Yoan Marier clarified that there may have been other factors in addition to the descent speed. The crash-landing was one of several recent high-profile aviation incidents in North America, which have worried travelers and contributed to a drop-off in airlines’ sales forecasts.

DoorDash inks buy now, pay later deal with Klarna. If you’ve ever needed to take out a loan for your soggy delivery fries, now you can. DoorDash is partnering with the buy now, pay later (BNPL) company Klarna to offer users interest-free payment plans for their food orders. If a user does not pay in full, they can defer payment “to a more convenient time,” DoorDash said, “such as a date that aligns with their paycheck schedules.” Klarna, which generated $2.8 billion in revenue last year, filed paperwork last week to go public at an intended $15 billion valuation, or, in other words, the cost of 750 million pizzas paid out in four $3.75 billion installments.—AE

There’s a chance Mike White sics a pack of rabid monkeys on Lorazepam-less Parker Posey this Sunday, but until then, Tesla wins the “toughest week” award.

The EV-maker recalled 46,000 Cybertrucks (nearly all of them) yesterday because it discovered an exterior piece of trim could fall off and create a hazard for other drivers. But the company’s mounting problems can’t all be fixed with a free replacement part.

The recall comes as backlash against Tesla intensifies over CEO Elon Musk’s controversial involvement with the Trump administration. Some Tesla owners are attempting to sell their cars with little luck on the resale market. Shares of Tesla have dropped by as much as 45% this year, erasing all of the company’s post-election gains:

• Despite a public endorsement from Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, some of Tesla’s most bullish defenders roasted the company.
• Dan Ives, a Wedbush analyst and OG Tesla supporter, said yesterday that Musk’s role in DOGE has led to a “brand tornado crisis moment.”

Looking ahead…an additional 500 anti-Tesla protests are planned around the world this month. President Trump promised to pursue domestic terrorism charges against US protesters in the Tesla Takedown movement.—MM

Snacktime is becoming too expensive for a growing number of Americans, and General Mills is the latest munchies provider to recognize it. The food giant’s net sales dropped 5% globally last quarter and 7% in North America amid a “slowdown in snacking,” CEO Jeff Harmening said this week.

Join the club:

• JM Smucker (owner of Hostess and Jif) and Campbell’s (owner of Pepperidge Farm) also logged 2% and 3% net sales declines last quarter, respectively, that were tied to softer snack demand.
• Frito-Lay-owner PepsiCo reported its third straight quarterly revenue miss last month, citing a lag in “salty and savory snack categories.”
• Sales volume at US convenience stores fell 4.3% at the end of February from the same time last year.

This isn’t because of Ozempic, executives say. It’s financial:

• The average 16-ounce bag of potato chips has gotten 29% more expensive since 2021, while overall grocery prices have risen 23%, according to government data.
• Forty-two percent of US consumers are cutting back on snack purchases for price tag reasons, a February survey by the research firm NIQ found.
• Dog treat sales also declined in General Mills’s latest quarter, suggesting a larger pullback.

Zoom out: Amid persistent inflation and slowing wage growth, many US customers “only have enough money for basic essentials,” Dollar General’s CEO said this month.—ML

Maybe money can’t buy success, but it can buy the most successful NBA franchise of all time. A group led by private equity head Bill Chisholm is buying the 18-time champion Boston Celtics for $6.1 billion, marking the biggest deal in pro sports history. Axios reports the final valuation is expected to be a Tacko Fall-sized $7.3 billion.

Wyc Grousbeck, the current owner, originally bought the team for $360 million in 2002. Since then, the NBA has exploded globally with the help of marketable stars and an ever-expanding media presence. The league’s new rights deals with NBC, ESPN, and Amazon are collectively worth $77 billion.

There’s one small catch for the new Celtics owners: Their $6.1 billion purchase doesn’t include the team’s stadium. The Celtics lease TD Garden from the NHL’s Boston Bruins.—AE

The feeling of getting a 5/5 on the Brew’s Weekly News Quiz has been compared to parallel parking on the first try when a stranger is watching.

It’s that satisfying. Ace the quiz.