 |
Every month I think very hard about the theme for the newsletter and I knew, because Halloween, that I wanted to think of something spooky or on that wavelength… and then it hit me. Freelance Fears.
Freelancing is scary. From the moment we decide to do it, there is a bubbling fear of some kind, every day. There’s the initial fear of going freelance, of saying ‘I’m doing this self employed thing!’. That’s probably the scariest part, the leaping!
When it comes to freelancing, I think something scares me every single day. From money worries to being ‘cool’ enough on insta, from finding new work right through to sending invoices or even showing up to my desk on a morning.
Right now, one in five of us fear for our business. It’s scary, scary times.
And I don’t make light of that in any way. Another survey I found revealed that finances and paying the bills are our biggest fear.
Indeed, sadly, many self-employed people are choosing to leave this life and go back to a staff job of some kind, to say yes again to the reassurance of the contract and the pension and the holiday and sick pay. It’s something I’ve done many times over my career. In fact, have made the scary leap three times (I call myself a Threelancer!). The third and final time, in April 2017, was the most scary because it wasn’t so much my choice, it was following redundancy. But it turned out that the scariest freelance move was the best for me – I was thrown back into a world I’d been holding on to with side hustles alongside my staff job. And turns out it was the push that led me to creating Freelance Feels.
Freelance fear can be anything from rejection, to sending invoices (I wait days, often a week, to send one when I’ve done work, and I can’t tell you why. It’s not because I’m loaded and don’t need to, that’s for sure!). There’s sending emails, applying for work, picking up the phone… perhaps posting on social media scares you as a freelancer. They probably often feel quite irrational, don’t you find? Well, I used to work with a lovely man called Tom who often said “Thing with ‘irrational’ fears is they’re often quite rational. Heights? Rational. Poisonous snake? Rational!”. And he’s right – the things we worry about and fear as freelancers are often totally rational!
For example, fear of your business failing can be totally rational, because, well businesses do fail. Things do go tits up. Things do end. Clients do leave or cancel or bug*ger off without paying you. I know – rubbish. It’s rational to worry about how you’re going to pay the bills.
This year has been full of scary freelance moments – good and bad. Of course, we all probably remember exactly where we were when we heard about lockdown, whatever that meant to the country we were in, and how it would affect our freelance business.
There was the fear about finances that came from finding out I wasn’t eligible for SEISS grant that I’m sure many of you relate to. The fear of whether I’d ever be commissioned again when people stopped buying newspapers and magazines because we were all indoors and the editors slowed down the commissioning. Even the fear of being indoors so much, of whether I’d disconnect with all the people I’d got to know on this freelance road.
Then there were the ‘good’ fears: Embracing a new way of working because I absolutely had to (doing more copywriting and advertorial work). The scary feeling of daring to dream that I could do something other than the type of freelancing I’d been doing for so long (abandoning in-house ‘shift’ work which was way below my experience and not well paid). The positive fear of updating my LinkedIn saying I was available for work.
For me, the Freelance Fear comes in waves. There is the fear of never working at all ever again. The fear that I’ve done something completely wrong, not to the right standard, missed the point of the brief or annoyed a client or editor. There’s the fear of being too much or too little on social media (for example, doing a recent ‘about me’ post on Instagram which came with fears ranging from being a show off to looking OK). And there’s the fear of missing out on something – anything – if I take my eye off work and social channels for just two seconds… Finally there are every day fears like ‘If I don’t master Instagram reels then am I failing as a freelancer and will I get left behind and my business will topple?’ (Spoiler: I don’t think so!). I shall stop there as the list is endless. But I am sure you’re relating to some of those.
One big fear I’ve faced this very week is making a big change in my work situation. I’ve moved away from London (argh, scary!) and signed up for a course to learn to be a business coach. This is something I’ve wanted to do for ages and I put on my mood board for September (The note says ‘commit to coaching’, which even scared me to write). But having taken the plunge I now find myself with a new fear – or set of fears. Will it be the right course for me? Have I invested my money wisely? Will I fit in with the group? Will I be any good at it…
Freelancing can feel like we are on a cliff path, constantly negotiating the steps between falling off and the softer grass to our other side. The wind battering, the sun often blazing.
But boy do you feel alive, right? Freelancing is scary, but sometimes the fear can be a good thing… As I finish writing this, on October 1, I’m counting down another two hours until I go and pick up a puppy. A PUPPY! I know! Life is going to change… it’s the strangest fear I’ve ever known - I’m fearful for this little life we’re taking into our home, fearful that I’ll do it right. But then, like freelancing, maybe we won’t every time. there will be mistakes, there will be moments we fail. Even a puppy is like freelancing - every day is new and different.
A very good friend of mine has a word we use a lot: Scareciting. That mixture of utter fear but also a shiver of thrill and joy that you’re going for it. You know what I mean, right? That’s where I’d like us all to be at with our freelance fears. To know they’re there, and that they are unavoidable, but to embrace some and see how it feels to say ‘Ok then, scary thing, let’s be having you!’
I’m not going to say ‘embrace your fears!’ as I know some are so hard to manage they can be very frightening and even anxiety inducing. I often get to this stage of the newsletter and think ‘hold on Jenny what ARE you trying to say to people?!’. This is what I’m trying to say: You’re not alone in your freelance fears. We’re all going through them and I feel those feels too. We can try and avoid our fears, embrace or run away from them, and they change daily. But one thing we all share is that we all feel them. So if you are, reach out to someone and say so, if you feel able to. And remember, you embraced the scariest part of all – and do so every day – choosing to be freelance.
Insta links to make you think
@raynor.winn Author Raynor has written about her journey from losing her business and home to finding life again via a long walk along a coastal path. It’s hugely inspiring and moving and her new book is on my reading list (it’s called The Wild Silence). I was reminded of her book when I wrote the cliff analogy.
@sobergirlsociety – run by freelancer Millie Gooch, who I am super excited to say has agreed to come on the podcast in the new year, this account really opened my eyes to some of the wording we use around alcohol and I’ve flagged it as it’s Sober October this month. (I can’t remember if I mentioned Millie’s account before but I love it so much here it is again!)
@Anxiety_wellbeing a lovely illustrations account that lifts me up. This one’s spooky…
@planetmindfulmag I discovered this recently and it’s such a lovely magazine – definitely on my list to write for them!
@Drjuliesmith good video content to help you remember to find balance with your mental health
Freelance podcast of the month
I am loving a book called The Shift by the former editor of Red magazine, Sam Baker, and there’s a podcast to go with it. Slight curve ball as it’s not totally about freelancing but Sam left her job to go freelance and charts that in the book, so bigging up that pod this month. There’s a lot on the ‘scary’ theme, including an episode on career, confidence and not getting stuck at ‘the amber light’.
Share the newsletter and come find me to say hello…
How are you coping with the freelance fears? Let me know by commenting or sharing this with your own take on the freelance fears… Find me on Instagram @freelance_feels and the podcast is on Apple and Spotify.
