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Dear ,
A month or two ago, while making my way through my nightly TikTok scroll, one clip stood apart from the rest. It began with a prompt: “What’s the best advice your therapist has ever given you?” The TikToker in question explained how transformational it was to hear a therapist ask whether they wanted to live a values- or goals-driven life.
Somewhere along those 60 seconds, the question changed me too. I don’t think the implication is that you can only choose one of the two. But it does ask that we prioritize which motivates us more in our personal time — and whether striving for success or happiness is our ultimate purpose.
That question has colored how I’ve thought about this year ahead.
At work, it makes sense to be goals-driven; but what about when you’re off the clock? As the lines between our professional and personal lives become more blurred, it feels important to make the distinction of what your driving force will be, and make the tiny steps to get there. Actually, it feels imperative to our wellness that we do.
A few weeks later, I saw a quote by Toni Morrison making the rounds on Instagram: “You are not the work you do; you are the person you are.” In a world where we can draw so much self-worth from our productivity, it felt good to hold onto this reminder. And it seemed to be the perfect complement to the question of values versus goals. Where goals define your life by what you achieve, values allow you to create an infrastructure for who you’ll be. The latter, to me, seems like it can have a greater impact on self- AND community-care, where the former focuses more on the individual.
In the last year, I’ve appreciated the many writers who have interrogated why we’re always “on,” and what has rewired us to be in a constant state of achievement and work. Two examples that stick out to me are the book Can’t Even: Why Millennials are the Burnout Generation, and this article by Maris Kreizman, which questions why ambition feels more like a futile attempt at fulfillment than ever before. Their work has illuminated something for me: Perhaps a goals-driven life isn't the answer.
Stick with me here. In the new year, trying to maintain a values-driven mindset has drawn me more to the idea of rituals over resolutions. In my mind, resolutions are to goals as rituals are to values. Resolutions ask us to build metrics of success that reflect our goals. Rituals allow us to build practices with meaning that reflect our values.
In The Power of Ritual (our January book club pick), Casper ter Kuile characterizes a ritual as having three components: intention, attention, and repetition. If we take the time to define our values (a good place to start is asking yourself how you want to be, not what you want to do), we can use rituals as the puzzle pieces instead of resolutions as the stepping stones.
Is that too esoteric? Maybe. But here’s my challenge to you: This weekend, take some time to write down five to six words that define how you want to be in 2021. Mine are: generous, curious, creative, direct, and present. Then, use this as a framework to outline some rituals (with intention, attention, and repetition in mind) that’ll help you get there.
I’m curious what your 5-6 value words are — and I'd love if you'd reply and let me know. I'm hoping that just writing these down will bring some grounding and hope to this already overwhelming year. A girl can dream.
Until next week,
Tyler Calder
Director of Content at GNI
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🥟 Tune into the A Thing or Two podcast to hear our founder Alisha talk to hosts Claire and Erica about dumplings, her favorite gardening recs, and what it's like to be in the business of staying in during a pandemic.
🤗 Looking for more community in 2021? The waitlist for The Lounge, our paid membership community is open. We'll be adding more members to our community in February, so stay tuned.
👀 GNI was on The Today Show! (sort of 😉)
🐌 Our sibling brand, Whiled, is restocking puzzles soon. Sign up for the email list here to be the first to find out when your favorites are back (plus more exciting announcements coming soon...).
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weekly picks
what we're recommending this week...
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smol joy (via @____m_o_l_l_y____)
- A cookbook that's also a great read... "My Korea is perfect for anyone who wants to learn more about Korean cooking, or, if you're Korean-American like me, wants a good comfort meal that's nostalgic of your childhood. Author Hooni Kim, chef/owner of Danji and Hanjan in NYC, does a great job of providing historical and cultural context. We made the braised chicken stew this week, and it was soul-warming." - Alisha, CEO/Founder
- A tip to organize your tabs... 👩💻 "I recently learned that in Google Chrome, you can right click on a tab and assign it to a 'group,' which you can label yourself. Now, whenever I'm overwhelmed by my tabs, I just organize them by project to help me stay focused and keep my brain clear of digital clutter." - Jenna, Content Team
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Read this if you're tired of meal prepping... 🍅 If even *thinking* about spending more time in the kitchen is enough to make you tense up, here's an alternative we can get behind: Chocolate cherry smoothies, vegetable bolognese, kale pesto noodles, and 50+ other plant-based, gluten-free meals — all delivered to your door. Add nutrients as you minimize meal prep (a win-win!). GNI readers can get $50 off your first order. #SPONSORSTHING
- Just think of the picnics... 👀 "I'm very excited about the quality of these reusable snack bags, and I'm convinced they'll help me fuel up (without single-use plastics) on many a hike this year!" - Jenny, Partnerships Team
- For parched winter skin... 💦 "I got a sample of this sleep mask recently — not expecting much — and I feel like a new human. I went to bed one day with dry, blotchy skin and a very bumpy breakout situation on the horizon, and woke up with bright moisturized skin and teeny weeny pores. You can't see me right now, but I'm very excited about this discovery." - Katrina, Partnerships Team
- Keeping friendships top of mind in 2021... 👯♀️ "One small ritual I've built this year is calling @erinlovesfun's friendship hotline in the mornings. It's nice to hear Erin share a new daily nugget of friendship wisdom to think about as I go about my day. The number is (951)FRNDSHP if you want to give it a try." - Olivia, Community Team
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sponsor spotlight: Point Card
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Get $50 cash-back when you spend $250 in the first 30 days — and choose from four card styles, including two stunning limited editions designed by artist @_lauraberger_.
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read/watch/listen
✨ some picks of the week ✨
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keepin' it cozy at all costs (via @gabbois)
🌟 Scrolling...
The time-honored benefits of multigenerational living. | Apartment Therapy
The humbling power of getting a dog. | The Intelligence of Honey
They say this isn't America. For most of us, it is. | Harper's BAZAAR
Follow these 7 steps to digital cleanup. | New York Times
Lizzie McGuire, twenty years later. | VICE
🍿 Watching...
"Last weekend I watched the first couple episodes of Pretend It's a City on Netflix, and it felt like a blanket of calm for my missing-New-York heart. In it, Fran Lebowitz — in conversation with Martin Scorsese — pokes fun at the reality of how hard it is to live in The City, and how it still finds a way to ruin your experience of ever living anywhere else. I felt that deeply while watching it." - Jenny, Partnerships Team
"The trailer for the third movie in the To All the Boys series is HERE!!" - Katrina, Partnerships Team
📚Currently reading...
"If you're taking stock of household tasks and how you tackle them in the new year, Fair Play by Eve Rodsky is a really helpful read (there's also a card deck for organizing tasks if that's more your speed these days). We're planning to play the game to figure out how to divvy up some of our 'daily grind' chores. I'm excited to think more about our 'mental loads' as a part of self-care this year." - Alisha, CEO/Founder
🎧 Listening to...
"This NPR Life Kit episode helped me scale back my habit-forming goals (like, a lot) in the New Year. My new morning ritual is: When I wake up and make my coffee, I read ONE PAGE of my non-fiction book. So far it's working because it feels super tiny and do-able. Micro-habits FTW." - Alisha, CEO/Founder
"I haven't listened to This American Life in a while, but this episode about small delights really gave me a boost. It reminded me of small joys like riding the school bus for the first time or trying to transport a delicate plant to a safe new home. It also inspired me to buy this book by poet Ross Gay, which acknowledges these small happy moments, while putting them in the context of our current world." - Jenny, Partnerships Team
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Thanks for reading and supporting GNI and our partners — they help make the creation of this free newsletter possible. Just a note: GNI may receive a small commission from items you purchase from this newsletter. ❤️
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