This month the theme of the newsletter is rejection – I was thinking about things to do with love, and passion, and romance… and then I did a mail out about a course I’m running, and a few people unsubscribed.

Yes, you guessed it, the rest of the day was spent checking the subscribers list! And it probably will be when I send this one out, too.

Rejection. However often it happens, it doesn’t get easier. And being self-employed seems to go hand in hand with rejection. I’ve chosen to look at it for February as, well, it can often be a theme for many on Valentine’s Day, too. I was thinking about themes of love and romance, but rejection was starting me in the face, so I’m going to stare right back at it!

For all the things we love about freelancing – making new contacts, finding new clients, getting work from different sources, the thrill of a pitching being accepted or someone saying ‘yes, run a webinar for us!’ – comes the flip side, such as an unreplied-to email, finding out we’re not shortlisted for an award (another ‘rejection’ on my list this month) a ‘no thanks’ or a ‘not for us’. Or a client saying ‘Thanks but we’re not going to accept your quote’. Or being ignored completely.

So there we go – amid the love and passion and romance, lies rejection, ghosting and tumbleweeds. And rejection, when you’re self-employed, is super hard. When you’re surrounded by colleagues (even remotely), there’s a gang of you that can deal with rejection together, in many ways. Two of you might not get ‘THE’ promotion. A group of you might pitch a new idea to the boss and get a frosty reception.

I’ve known those feelings first hand, the feelings that come with not getting an interview or a job, missing out on a promotion, or even things like not being given a certain role in a project that you wanted, right through to redundancy, or being asked to leave.

As freelancers, it’s like we invite rejection, isn’t it? By pitching, we are inviting a no, or being ignored. By writing a letter of introduction we’re asking someone to choose or not choose us. By asking someone to connect on LinkedIn, we’re saying ‘will you come on my journey with me?’. We enter awards, or we join new apps and hope to fit in (yeah, Clubhouse, I’m looking at you).

But the thing with rejection that we all have to remember is it goes two ways. We leave jobs. We say no to clients. We turn down opportunities and ignore emails, too. We unsubscribe to newsletters that aren’t floating our boat, we unfollow or mute.

Especially as freelancers. For example, I get loads of emails (hundreds, I’d say, but I’ve not counted), from PRs, or with people asking if I want to collaborate. People offering their client as a podcast guest, people trying to sell me a place on their ‘MUST DO’ course or to write a blog post for their site. People who want to know if I got their last email, or the email before that, and if I can help them… I’m sure you do, too. I am sometimes approached by clients, or my name suggested for a project and I think ‘Hmm, is that the right one for me?’. I might quote for work, but be thinking ‘Do I want to do this, really?’. When the ‘no’ power is in our hands it’s a different feeling.

I decided to dabble more in Instagram Live this month (as opposed to stories) and it’s been really interesting to see who engages with what I’ve said. One video I did was about selling, which for me is also tied in heavily with feelings of rejection, and I got a few good replies when I asked for people’s advice, that I’d like to share.

Heidi Scrimgeour (@heidiscrim), who runs training courses at Museflash (she’s an upcoming podcast guest, too, with Museflash partner Hazel Davies) said: “I absolutely cringe when it comes to selling my stuff and would add that I am always surprised at what sells and what doesn’t. Don’t be afraid to experiment and remember it’s about selling what your customer wants/needs which isn’t always the same as what you actually want to offer!”

Pip, an HR consultant (@pipfoulshamhr) said: “Maybe try and think about how you feel as a buyer… what do you need to have to convince you to buy a service or product? Then you can use some of those things in how you sell. You’ve lost the subscribers that aren’t your people, but your message has changed, so focus on where your new people are for your coaching work…”

So, with their advice ringing true, I want to share some ways we can try and manage rejection as freelancers. Not get over it! Because you may already know I’m not a believer in getting over things. I’m more about learning to live with them, manage them, keep them where we need them to be. I’m not sure anyone can truly ‘get over’ rejection (a certain ex-president comes to mind), but on our more ‘ordinary’ level, it’s going to be there, all through our working lives.  Surely it’s better to try and find peace with it, rather than hope it never happens again.

1. Flip round the negative of the rejection

So, here’s my example:

I thought: “I’ve lost nearly 10 subscribers”

I could have thought: “That mailout had a 22% open rate of 330 views plus those who unsubscribed clearly aren’t my customers anymore”

It can help to say these things out loud, too! Even if you don’t initially believe the flip side of your rejection feels, trying to connect with it brings some reality. Not everyone is going to like what you do all the time. Concentrate on finding the people who do.

2. Remember what’s gone right

It’s that ‘positive list’ making idea that often comes up. Some people do it in notes, some people pin things… however you do it, you need to be more honest about the things that go right, the ‘yesses’. Rejection can feel like a shot across the bows, and sometimes, when it’s a big project or piece of work, it can be. At first. But then you need to say, ‘what did I do right?’. First of all, you pitched and went for it – you allowed yourself to get into a zone where rejection might come calling, which is brave. Remind yourself of the work you HAVE secured, the clients you DO work with and for. If you need a second opinion, phone a freelance friend.

3. When a pitch is rejected

As a writer, I get this a LOT. A ‘no’ to a pitch is seen as better than being ignored but it’s still a no, right? Dealing with pitch rejection is two-fold for me. One: Accepting it will ALWAYS happen to some extent. Two: Seeking out a yes. At least as freelancers we can say ‘ok where else can I send that?’. That’s not the case if we were pitching an idea to one boss.

4. Coping when rejection feels personal

Ok, so our businesses are kind of our babies, right? And someone saying they don’t like what we do, in any way, can’t help but feel personal. So how can we take a step away from that? I guess with this one, practice can help. But there’s also something in separating the personal from the situation. You could even say out loud ‘They’re not rejecting ME!’ or something similar. Keeping a spreadsheet of your pitches or email introductions can be a good way to show it’s not personal. For each ‘no’ you log, you can see back a tangible record of places that have said ‘yes’, too.

5. Taking back control – when rejection can give you new ideas

So while I was pondering on the feels of ‘NOBODY WANTS MY COACHING!’ and the replies on insta, I thought ‘Ok, so I need to offer more, different things’. And that gave me an idea for a series of one-hour workshops. More info on dates and times coming soon, but ‘Deal with the Feels’ will focus on a different part of the freelance feels we all get. For example, there’ll be a workshop on ‘Deal with the feels… of rejection’ and other topics will include professional ghosting, working from home, social media, selling and pitching. Not just pitching articles but pitching yourself for business/work and to new contacts.

      * Scroll past this next bit if you don’t want to read about coaching stuff *

At the risk of some unsubscribing (eek!) I’d also like to share that Freelance Feels has had a website revamp (www.freelancefeels.com). There’s now a clearer blog offering, as well as a section on coaching, which I am training in and offering one on one as well as in groups and workshops. If you would like to know more about one on one coaching with me, please drop me a line. If you want to sign up to the Relight Your Freelance Fire course which began today, it’s not too late – I can send the course notes anytime today to you.

** Welcome back to the non coaching fans… **

Read, listen, subscribe…

To finish off, here’s ‘Read, Listen, Subscribe’. If you ever want to suggest your own newsletter, pod or project for this section, do drop me a line and I can see if it’s a good fit.

Read: Turning the dial is a great newsletter from Rae Ritchie, focusing on sustainability and the small steps you can take to a more ethical way of living. Subscribe via her website raeritchie.com

Listen: This month I connected with Lucy Orton who runs The Self Sabotage to Success podcast. It’s got lots of great advice – such as the wins you can celebrate right now (as opposed to focusing on the failure!) and

Subscribe: Helen Campbell is about to release a brilliant-sounding book called Founders, Freelancers and Rebels, and you can sign up to her newsletter now. There’s also a Facebook group, search for foundersfreelancersandrebels

Until next month!

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