Gawker - It’s giving thanks

Nothing brings people together like arguing over this post

Thanksgiving is nigh, which means it’s time for food. But which food exactly? As in, which Thanksgiving dishes are the best? Here’s a thought: keep reading to find out.

In the spirit of autumnal gratitude and consumption, I created a survey and asked my colleagues to rank ten classic Thanksgiving dishes that I (having never really eaten a real Thanksgiving meal) somewhat arbitrarily pulled from this Serious Eats article as well as this blog post that appeared in the top search results for the query “traditional thanksgiving dishes.” Thirteen members of Gawker’s staff submitted their answers, which I collated and analyzed to come up with a ranking of Thanksgiving foods supported by robust data science and the mathematical concept of “averages.”

Without further ado, here is that ranking, accompanied by carefully curated commentary to keep things interesting. You have our permission to take this order personally, angrily share it on social media, debate the answers with your friends and family, and otherwise passionately engage with this post.

Thank you, Martha.

“Charcuterie Houses Are This Year's Most Festive Holiday Treat,” says a post from Emily VanSchmus on Martha Stewart dot com. I know this because several people have tweeted about it, prompting a discussion in our work chat this morning about the merits of opting for a charcuterie house over a gingerbread house this holiday season. I invite you now, on this Wednesday before a long holiday weekend, to think about it yourself, because what else are you doing other than avoiding work? We’re all doing it. I’m just typing. Type type type.

“i dont like gingerbread houses because its too much sweets” somebody from my work said, in favor of the charcuterie house. “martha never misses” said somebody else. “charcuterie house.... .DISGUSTING!” said another person.

I think I'm being held to a higher standard than everyone else around here

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and nobody seems all that interested in working. Even Gawker, a website known for its integrity, seems to be doing some pretty light lifting today. Jenny’s ranking Thanksgiving dishes? Kelly’s writing about charcuterie mansions? I think my colleagues are geniuses, but this is not exactly the most dedicated they’ve ever been to their craft.

But I suppose I’m not one to talk. I pitched like 45 ideas today and not a single one of them was accepted. They’re all good.

Here's a cheat sheet

There are certain things about Thanksgiving that we can rely on each year, creature comforts that help us mark the passage of time. The familiar plop of cranberry sauce falling out of its can, photos posted to social media showing the nastiest plate of food you’ve ever seen, and the annual panic around having to think of something to talk about with the older men in your life.

Fathers, uncles by blood, uncles by marriage, that guy who gets called a cousin but is really just some dude your dad grew up with — these men are always at Thanksgiving, and they are always talking about something you’re not super interested in. If you don’t feel like explaining your job or your dating life to one of these men, the best way to deflect is to get them talking about something they love. At this time of year, football is always a safe bet, but you can only say “How ‘bout them Bills” so many times before you feel the light drain from your eyes.

For those who don't partake

I drank my first Pumpkin Spice Latte one chilly October Sunday in 2005 when my dad made me wait in line for six hours to see Rosa Parks’ casket at the Capitol Rotunda. Between my reverence for that event and the fact that I stopped drinking things with milk and sugar, I now typically experience the fall months free from the grip of the PSL, and I promise it’s not even a little bit wretched.

These days, it’s not just coffee, but also beer, bread, preserves, and basically the entire Trader Joe’s roster from now until the advent calendar drops, that are infected with the flavor of large pulpy squash accented by a cinnamon-forward baking blend. If you too are tired of pumpkin spice hegemony, I welcome you to join me in these alternative flavors of autumn.