[Electric Speed] Literature clock | A game about language

A note from Jane

Several years ago, my husband and I attended a day-long workshop hosted by author Alain de Botton (at School of Life) on making romantic relationships last. I’ve long been a fan of de Botton’s work ever since I read his novel On Love in 1998. He has an amazing ability to describe emotional states of being that you can’t put into words yourself.

His workshop did not disappoint, and I now rely on a practical tool offered that day: It’s OK to view your significant other as the small child they actually are. De Botton explains in this talk:

When a small child has done something wrong—let’s imagine you have a small child, you cook them dinner, they’re two years old, three years old, you have broccoli and some schnitzel and you put a plate down in front of them and they just swipe it off and go, “Ech!” and start screaming.

Now, what do you do as a modern parent? You don’t hit them. You don’t go, “I’m so offended, I’ve had a hard day at work, and now this—you’re persecuting me!” You don’t say that. Instead, you go, “Maybe my poor child’s got a sore tooth, or maybe he’s a bit jealous of his sister being born, maybe that’s kind of weighing on him, maybe he’s a bit tired, that’s why he’s behaving like this.”

Some consider this attitude patronizing if expressed toward an adult. But we forget, de Botton says, how generous, how kind, how truly loving it is to treat someone in this way—to be generous in one’s interpretation of another person.

This insight really hit home when I took it a step further and wondered: Do I grant myself such grace?

For creative people, the process of submitting or putting your work into the public can beat you up. Negative thought-spirals lurk around every corner. I’m too old. I don’t have enough time. I’m not making progress. So many others are doing better than me.

What would you say to a cherished and loved person in your life who was experiencing these thoughts? What would you say to a child feeling this way?

What would it be like to direct that generosity toward yourself?

Jane

P.S. The most popular blog post at my site this month:
How to Plan & Host Worthwhile Online Book Events

P.P.S. There is more to this newsletter. Keep scrolling!

You have a memoir idea, maybe even a first draft, but still worry whether other people will want to read your story. It’s a basic concern facing all writers of memoir. Though our stories—the truth of our pain, our struggles, our progress, our redemption—reverberate on a personal level, we don’t write for ourselves, we write for others. So, how do our personal stories become universal, resonating with readers who don’t know us? In this class, noted memoirist Dinty W. Moore will tackle the insecurity we share about our own stories and highlight specific structural, voice, and craft choices that help stories resound deeply with potential readers.

In the last issue, I asked you to tell me about your favorite smartphone case and/or accessories. Here’s what you said:

I love the Snugg leather wallet cases because not only can I keep notes about my inspirations in the card slots inside, but most importantly it protects my screen when I drop my phone. —Julie Noparstak
Trek Tech is a women-owned company with phone cases that let your hands roam free—to do the billion other things we all have to do. They will custom create a case if you have an older model and the back wallet also acts as a stand for your phone. I’ve been using mine for three years and just love it! —Brooke
I love phone cases that double as wallets, like the kwmobile case I currently use. —Gwen Tolios

Next question: Do you have favorite, inexpensive frame options (for photos, artwork, illustrations)? Hit reply to this email or share on Discord.

Jan. 28: How Memoirs Resonate with Dinty W. Moore
Feb. 9: Write Your Novel from the Middle with James Scott Bell
Feb. 17: Standalone or Series? with Roz Morris
Feb. 23: Write Your Nonfiction Book Proposal with Jane Friedman
Feb. 24: Writing about Trauma with Lisa Cooper Ellison
Feb. 26: The Magical Marketing Trifecta for Writers with Jane Friedman
March 3: Finding the Right Literary Agent with Howard Yoon
March 10: Effective Book Marketing for Any Author with Jane Friedman
April 21: Blogging Strategies That Work in 2022 with Jane Friedman
June 29: Query Letter Master Class with Jane Friedman

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