Esmerelda welcomes you to Lake Nipples U.S.A.

Thank you for subscribing to my smut! Filthy, filthy, oh-god-it’s-so-filthy smut. I deeply apologize for everything I’m about to throw your way, even though I know you’re going to fucking love it. Who among us has not fantasized about cheese, or chocolate, or buckets of German potato salad?

Every Thursday, you’ll receive a brand spankin’ new chapter of Esmerelda’s adventures in your inbox. As a free subscriber, you will have access to the majority of these adventures, but NOT the chapters with the hardcore banging. (It wouldn’t be fair to Esmerelda to give her deepest, darkest desires for free.) You will, however, be able to follow and enjoy the story without reading these chapters. To make your life as easy as possible, here’s a full Table of Contents that will let you easily catch up on every single installment of Esmerelda’s adventures.

Some housekeeping…

Substacks usually get filtered into the folders everyone likes to ignore, which is annoying for everybody. One way to make sure you never miss any of this delicious food porn is to mark this address as something special. Another way is to use an app that will help you round up all your newsletters, so you never miss a goddamn thing. Here’s a nice roundup of some good ones.

If you like what you see, consider upgrading to a paid subscription, which will give you access to exclusive paid subscriber (P.S.) content like recipes, bonus chapters, and the occasional word search. (It’s my damn Substack and no one can stop me from adding as many word searches as I fucking want. Suck on that shit, traditional media!)

I fully understand that another newsletter might not be in your budget (there are so many newsletters out there!), but there’s another way to pay me for all my hard, horny work without spending any cash! Help me grow the population of Lake Nipples U.S.A. by telling all your friends about this here newsletter, especially your rich friends with money to burn. Maybe guilt those friends into giving you a gift subscription, because there’s no better bonding experience than sharing hardcore ham pornography with the people you love.

Share The Edible Erotic Adventures of Esmerelda Poppingcorn

Give a gift subscription

Now buckle up, folks! You’re about to embark on one hell of a tasty, tantalizing ride.