Doo-doo-doo doo-do-doo-doo you have any Adderall

Specifically, that he was valedictorian of his class at UC Berkeley

Who was the valedictorian at your college? If you can’t remember, that probably means it wasn’t you. Who was valedictorian at University of California, Berkeley in 1987? That is also a mysterious question.

Wikipedia would have you believe that it was the frontman of Third Eye Blind, Stephan Jenkins. And, yes, unless you’re a German royal, that is the weirdest possible way to spell the name “Steven.”

I came across the assertion that he’d had the highest GPA of every single student at one of the most elite public universities in the world after getting to his page via my forever-crush Vanessa Carlton (he produced her 2004 masterpiece Harmonium). It immediately struck me as… unlikely. I decided to dig a little deeper.

The first port-of-call was the appended double-citation. Surely one of these links would humble me for ever doubting that the lyricist of “doo doo doo / doo doo-doo doo” could have been worthy of such an honor. Unfortunately, while one of them briefly mentioned Jenkins was “at top of his class” (being valedictorian typically encompasses a more formal role, like speaking at graduation), the other simply said that he had attended “Berkley.” Which is how we all want to spell it but is WRONG.

There are in fact dozens of sources to make this claim but none of them seem to have independently verified it. The first time it appeared on Wikipedia was 26 May 2005 when IP address 69.171.148.38 (known only for their six-month stint improving the pages of Jenkins and Oberlin College) changed the verbiage from “received a degree from the University of California at Berkeley in 1987 in Literature” to “was class valedictorian." Continue reading →

She's the only celeb to sign the Chateau Marmont boycott pledge after attending Jay-Z's Oscar party

It’s so hard to understand things — air travel, weather predictions, how to read a paperback without breaking the spine — and celebrities, being just like us, are as prone to conceptual bewilderment as the gentleman sitting beside you on the bus. In this way, they are human, just with more money. Take for example, the several dozen celebrities who, unwittingly or not, crossed a picket line on Sunday night to party with Jay-Z and Beyoncé.

The source of the confusion was the Gold Party, the Carters’ annual Oscars afterparty at the Chateau Marmont. This year’s installation was the couple’s first in two years; the last one was canceled for obvious reasons. In the time since their last bash, however, the Chateau Marmont has become a controversial Hollywood venue. During the pandemic, the hotel’s owner André Balazs announced that the storied venue would become a “member-only” lodging — a pivot that involved laying off 248 of his longtime staff in the middle of the pandemic. At the time, the workers had been attempting to form a union, and many saw Balazs’ move as a strategy to bust it before it began.

In the aftermath, dozens of former Chateau employees came forward about the Chateau’s work conditions — an allegedly gnarly environment rife with sexual misconduct and racial distrimination. Worker protests proliferated outside the hotel, and two former employees — Thomasina Gross, a Black ex-events server, and Adrian Jules, a Black ex-guest relations staffer — filed lawsuits over the alleged discrimination. Meanwhile, the Chateau’s workers have been leading a boycott for almost two years, and not quietly. Many public figures have endorsed the boycott, including Gabrielle Union, Issa Rae, Samira Wiley, Robin Thede, Quinta Brunson, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Roxane Gay, Ashley Nicole Black, Adam McKay, David Sirota, and Jane Fonda. Continue reading →

We love drama, which means we love their addictions

In his memoir Pillow Talk: What’s Wrong With My Sewing (no time to discuss that title, moving on), Craig Conover of Bravo’s Southern Charm writes about how an addiction to Adderall got so bad, he couldn’t film the show without it. According to Page Six, he was taking three 15mg pills a day, which is a lot (the maximum recommended dose for adults is 40mg/day).

Conover said, “The need to finish my work caused me to take Adderall. The anxiety of needing to ‘be on’ when I went out to the bars caused me to take more Adderall. And so on.”

This much was fairly apparent to viewers. He was gaunt and angry. At a Southern Charm reunion in 2019, Cameran Eubanks accused Conover of abusing Adderall. And for those of us who spend any amount of time in the seamier corners of Bravo online fandom, we know Adderall is likely the only way to get stuff done around there. How else do these people binge drink for three months straight while filming a show and stay so impossibly thin? Especially on shows that feature young people marooned in resort towns with nothing but a wet bathing suit, like Southern Charm and Summer House. Continue reading →

They can't remember anyone's name

Ezra Miller isn’t a person I’ve spent much time thinking about — until yesterday, that is. Now, the actor who plays The Flash in Justice League, exists in the forefront of my mind (right near my olfactory bulb), as a person who smells extremely bad.

Since Gawker broke the news of their foul odor, we have been inundated with tips confirming the story. They smell. But we also received a tip about how deodorant isn’t the only thing they are forgetting. Miller allegedly cannot remember anyone’s name.

One source told Gawker, “Ezra’s smell enters a space before they do and remains after they walk away. Also calls everyone Gustav instead of learning their name.” Thank you Gustav for the tip! Continue reading →

If he doesn’t let Mother’s looming death get in the way, that is.

Oh, Councilman Brother. You did not ask for this life. Found abandoned at a fire station shortly after your birth, you were brought to the hospital, adopted by Mother and Undead Father, and ushered into a life of dealing with all of their bullshit. At least you love Mother so dearly, Councilman Brother. Yes, at least you are obsessed with Mother in a way that seems slightly inappropriate. Of course, though, aren’t we all? Let’s check in on her, while we’re thinking about it.

HAS MOTHER DIED?

Not yet.

IS IT STILL THANKSGIVING?

Yes. Continue reading →