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Have some dignity

Man, it’s sad to see this. Even though aliens have left NASA “on read” for about 50 years at this point, the government agency is once again attempting to get attention by sending them their human nudes next to a depiction of DNA.

:( Babe.

Plaques featuring the very alluring and sexy nudes were first blasted off into space with the 1972 Pioneer 10 and 1973 Pioneer 11 missions. At that point, the illustrations depicted a nude man waving next to a nude woman who was not waving, likely due to feminism. 

But because these drawings failed to entice extraterrestrials in any way, sexual or otherwise, NASA is now trying a different method: a binary-coded pixelated illustration of the humans, plus a depiction of DNA, plus an attempt at a depiction of “gravity” (good luck). And this time the woman is waving. Emotional labor? Continue reading

Democrats are busy worshipping people while Republicans worship power

For 50 years, conservatives have worked tirelessly towards the repeal of Roe v. Wade. While calling for “strict constructivism,” “judicial restraint,” and denouncing “judicial activism,” they trained and deployed cadres of lawyers as right-wing activists. They gradually took over institutions and then the key institution: the Supreme Court. This required them to adopt Machiavellian means: most of the justices in question swore up and down at their confirmation hearings that they had no designs on Roe, that it was the settled precedent. They were lying. In a certain way it’s a brilliant feat of political will and organization that should be studied.

But while the conservative movement has pumped out loyal foot soldiers who understood that the cause was the main thing, liberals have gotten caught up in the hagiography of their leading functionaries, making everyone involved forget that they are part of a larger movement and not the ends in themselves.

A perfect example of this is the pathetic and embarrassing cult of Ruth Bader Ginsberg — the “Notorious RBG” T-shirts, the inane interest in the details of her workout regimen, the literal votive candles — part of that political tribe’s tendency to worship bureaucrats and officials as saviors, a process replicated in Comeyism (his trashing of Clinton’s electoral chances was quickly forgotten after he became a vocal Trump critic), Muellerism, and Faucism. Continue reading

He still managed to be transphobic about it, don’t worry

More than a month after The Slap, another comedian has been hit on stage while performing. One more time and that’s a trend. Who will protect our nation’s truth-tellers?

Dave Chappelle was performing at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles on Tuesday night when a man ran onto the stage and tackled him. The assailant has been identified as 23-year-old Isaiah Lee. According to NBC News Los Angeles, Lee was armed with a fake gun that ejects a knife blade “when you discharge it correctly.” He was detained by venue security and then taken to the hospital with “superficial injuries.” Continue reading

Their names are “Tom Pelphrey” and “Bobby Wooten III”

Smell that? Love is in the air, especially if you are a famous television actress named Kaley or Katie. The Kay girls — that would be Kaley Cuoco and Katie Holmes — both recently announced that they have new boyfriends. Who are these guys? Kind of random.

Holmes launched her new relationship with a guy named Bobby Wooten III with some People-exclusive paparazzi pics on Friday. Apparently he’s a bass player who has appeared in David Byrne’s American Utopia and at Coachella with Carly Rae Jepsen. This is Holmes’s first new boyfriend since she broke up with restaurateur Emilio Vittolo Jr. last year (also random). Before that, she somewhat secretly dated Jamie Foxx for five years (kinda random), and before that, she was married to Tom Cruise (the most random).

Cuoco, meanwhile, chose to debut her new boyfriend on Instagram last night. His name is Tom Pelphrey, and he was on Ozark before his character got killed off by the cartel. Continue reading

He has a few suggestions for his internet friend Joe Biden

“When it comes to being unpopular, I’m unfortunately somewhat of an expert,” former New York City mayor Bill de Blasio wrote on Tuesday, and it’s hard to argue with that.

In what is presumably the first of many agony aunt-style advice columnsThe Atlantic is running from de Blasio, the former mayor explains how he went from being the hottest jock at the Park Slope YMCA to the pathetic, ululating 12-foot-tall creature who roams the ghostly corridors of the Downtown Brooklyn Marriott. It started out pretty good for The Blas, in his telling. He puttered about PTA meetings and loitered at school drop-off, resulting in his landmark (and only?) bit of legislation: universal free pre-K for all kids. He won reelection easily in 2017, but by 2020 his popularity tanked.

Why? “I lost my connection with the people because I mistook real policy for real popularity,” de Blasio wrote. “I let a focus on individual initiatives, no matter how noble or substantive, distract me from offering an overarching vision for the future.” Continue reading

His life and ... well, I won't spoil it

What did our This Is Us family know, and when did they know it? That is the question everyone is wondering re: the Supreme Court likely overturning Roe v. Wade. The family has not mentioned it, even though they live in the future, and even though one of them is a senator who intends to be president. So we are left only to wonder.

Also, I’m not sure how to say this, but, ah … Mother’s special friend died. It happened in the future, though, so it’s possible we’re all dead by that point as well. Let’s see.

HAS MOTHER DIED?

She hasn’t. But she has a full-time nurse now, after her Special Friend caught her dancing in the snow and, in an attempt to get her inside, fell and severely bruised his back. Continue reading