Crooked Media - What A Day: A time to bill

 -Bill Barr, clown-ass attorney general

The nation suffered another gruesome mass murder yesterday. It’s like Groundhog Day, except if you’re the shooter. Or one of the victims. It’s like Groundhog Day for Mitch McConnell.

• As in Uvalde and basically every other mass shooting in recent memory, the gunman used an AR-15-style assault rifle to kill four people in an Oklahoma hospital. The shooter appears to have been personally motivated to kill due to ongoing back pain, which he blamed on his doctor.
   
• His intended target, and one of the four victims, was his orthopedist, who had recently performed surgery on him. The shooter was released from the hospital on May 24th and had subsequently “called several times over several days complaining of pain and wanted additional treatment.” The motive may sound unusual but this is not the first time a mass shooting has been blamed on pain after back surgery. 
   
• Like an assault-weapons ban, stricter background checks might have prevented this shooting. The killer bought the gun he used in the attack on the same day the attack occurred. This incident also blows a hole, if you will, in the good-guy-with-a-gun theory: despite police arriving on the scene four minutes after the shooting began, the gunman had already killed himself.

Now what? Well, it seems that lawmakers have finally realized once again that we have a gun problem, which is a first step. Both the House and Senate have made public moves toward change. 

• A bipartisan group of senators is currently working on the terms of a bill. The group includes five Democrats (among them professional speed bumps Krysten Sinema and Joe Manchin) and four Republicans. Their framework reportedly includes increased funding for mental-health services and school security, expanded background checks, and incentives for states to pass “red flag” laws aimed at disarming citizens who are proven threats. For its part, the House quickly took up a bill called the “Protecting Our Kids Act,” which would, among other things, ban ghost guns and bump stocks, and raise the age limit for purchasing semiautomatic rifles from 18 to 21. There is currently little if any Republican support for this bill, so unfortunately a planned vote next week will be largely symbolic, beyond recording which lawmakers support kids and which lawmakers…hate kids? 
   
• While we wait desperately for gun legislation, police departments across the nation have sought to bolster credibility by arresting a bunch of young people who have made threats. Over the weekend, a 10-year-old was arrested in Lee County, FL, and in the last two days alone, police have arrested a 16-year-old in Berkeley, CA, an 18-year-old in Long Island, NY, an 18-year-old in Tampa, FL, a 23-year-old in Helena, MN, all for making threats. The cops aren’t wrong about who’s doing the shooting, though: six out of the nine deadliest shootings since 2018 were perpetrated by people 21 and younger. And yes, they’re all male.

Happy Pride month! This year, Crooked Media’s Pride fund is supporting three incredible organizations that provide community building, gender affirming, and life saving resources to the queer and transgender community. Visit crooked.com/pridefund to donate and learn more.

Texts from Mark Meadow’s phone previously given to the House January 6 Committee have been publicly released, and they include over 150 texts that Meadows made and received on the day of the Capitol riot. The texts offer further clarity as to which Trump allies were begging for the President to do something, and who wanted to help strategize about making the chaos work for them. Meadows turned over these messages voluntarily, but selectively, so one can assume there are even more damning texts in existence. In other January 6 committee evidence, Pennsylvania GOP gubernatorial nominee Doug Mastriano turned over materials this week, which provided previously unreported details of his hand in renting buses to take pro-Trump protesters to the Capitol, and has indicated he will testify under oath. 

Life can be overwhelming, and many people are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms of burnout can include lack of  motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, detachment, fatigue, and more. 
 

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• Ret. Army Capt. Sam Brown, a newcomer in the Nevada GOP Senate Primary race, is surging, threatening yet another of disgraced former President Donald Trump’s endorsements. Trump has publicly supported Adam Laxalt, grandson of former Sen. Paul Laxalt (R-NV), whom Trump loves for questioning the legitimacy of the 2020 election, and for benefitting from nepotism.
   
• The suspect in the Buffalo grocery store massacre was arraigned today and faces a 25-count indictment including first-degree murder and domestic-terrorism charges. 
   
• Michael “Naughty” Avenatti has been sentenced to another four years in prison for stealing $300,000 from Stormy Daniels. He lost the case despite doing the totally normal thing of representing himself in court while wearing a prison jumpsuit. He’s currently serving a two-and-a-half-year sentence for extorting Nike.
   
• Just when you thought there couldn’t possibly be any more Russian yachts left, the U.S. targeted more Russian elites in a new round of sanctions. 
   
• Usually chill dude Vladimir Putin is furious over U.S. weapons donations to Ukraine. 
   
• Gas prices reached a new record high in Downtown Los Angeles, crossing the EIGHT dollar mark.
   
• Not to alarm everyone but we’re all going to die. A leading scientist warns that it’s too late to adapt our way out of the worsening climate crisis. Sure, we can build seawalls and vote out climate-deniers but nothing can be done if the global heat rate continues to rise. Call your mother!
   
• Brinksmanship is back, baby! Bridget Brink, newly appointed ambassador to Ukraine, visited the country, marking the first time we’ve done that in three years, thanks to you know who. 

The Proud Boys showed up at a recent Miami-Dade Republican Party fundraising dinner and immediately got into an altercation at the valet station. But this time, unlike on January 6, they were actually invited. Various Proud Boy–affiliated extremists, taking their cue from guru/sentient acne Stephen Bannon, have been volunteering and running for local offices across the country—nowhere more successfully than Miami-Dade. Six current or former Proud Boys now sit on the Miami-Dade Republican Executive Committee, as they look to exert more control over local elections. For decades, Miami-Dade has been a Democratic stronghold, even as Jeb Bush and friends built a Republican presence around anti-Castro sentiment. Assuming they stay out of prison for their role in the insurrection, these Proud Boys look to be a radical, lasting, and dangerous new addition to Florida politics. Please clap.

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In a blow to the intervention industry, it appears that heavy drinkers are happier and healthier after 60. Drinking elevates your mood, reduces stress, and even keeps you slimmer. Don’t ask too many questions.

Sia gifted $100,000 to Survivor Castaway Drea Wheeler for her exciting gameplay, and it’s not the first time Sia’s done it. Finally, reality stardom pays off!

Spain introduced a bill that would require companies to have live customer-service representatives answer phone calls, and limit the time to reach a live person to a maximum of three minutes. No word yet on making all hold music the Encanto soundtrack.

The White House will finally begin paying its interns $750/wk.