An image we want to melt into via Lucy Williams.

Good morning and happy Friday!

We’ve now boldly stepped into the fresh, crisp air of fall and it feels like a great time to mentally and logistically prep ourselves for all of the season’s gatherings and hangouts. On that note, the topic of “friendship” and connection is clearly on our readers’ minds. In today’s newsletter, we highlight a few genius tips from readers on how to make friends this fall (or any time). Read on for that and have a great weekend! — GNI Editors

This Week's Picks

This week's Sponsor:

We’re ditching the impersonal doctor's office (bye, scratchy paper gowns) for a more human experience. 

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GNI readers can try a Tia membership free for 30 days using promo code GNIXTIA.

Our Readers’ Thoughts on Making Friends These Days

In newsletter issue 284, we reflected on friendships that are evolving and/or fading and asked for your thoughts on whether you’ve cracked the code on making (and keeping) new friends. We received a number of thoughtful responses from many of you on how you’re dealing, some of which we've highlighted, below.
 

A creative (and hilarious) way to make new friends when you don’t know anyone:

“My partner and I moved to a new city during the pandemic where we knew no one, and one thing that has been SO helpful in making friends is being shamelessly honest with people we meet that we don't know many people and we're actively looking to cultivate strong friendships and a solid network of people. 
 
By being vulnerable and forthcoming about this, we found that most other people admitted to feeling the same way and were relieved that they weren't the only ones wanting to create & maintain friendships—and that they weren't the only ones struggling with it! Last year, we even threw a "We Need Friends!" party and invited people we barely knew (like the couple we met while shoving pizza in our faces at the farmer's market) and now we have an amazing group of friends just from putting ourselves out there and being inclusive. It's a good reminder that most of us are dealing with the same problems, whether we admit it or not.”
—Elizabeth B.
 

One groovy way to stay connected

During the pandemic, I moved from Chicago to South Korea, then London. My best friend from college remained in Chicago and I missed her terribly. Pre-vaccine times, when things were really scary, I suggested that we send each other playlists of songs that we thought each other would love to listen to every season. For the whole of 2020, we exchanged Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter Spotify playlists filled with songs from a whole range of genres, from classics such as "All I Want for Christmas" for my (ironic) Summer playlist, to "Maniac" by Conan Gray whose concert we went to together. We have since stopped doing these exchanges as our lives got busier, but I still turn on her playlists for me from that terrible year and feel better connected with my bestie, who just started Harvard Law School - GO QUEEN I LOVE YOU.
— Yuna 
 

On that feeling of, “Oh no, will this friendship last? 

I have better friends than I’ve ever had before which makes me happy yet terrifies me. I have so much to lose should we grow apart or have a falling out. And it’s scary. I spend so much time in that headspace that I’m not enjoying my friendships for all that they are. Is this a pandemic thing? An anxiety thing? 
—Catherine

I’m in my late 20s and it’s felt like change after change. Friends moving, marriages, divorces, babies, etc etc. I pride myself on being a good friend but I’m wondering... Is it common to find “your people” moving into your 30s? It’s felt so hard to stay open when yet another friend is moving away, I feel like I’m looking around while my circle grows smaller and smaller and I feel less seen and known. Does the friendship cycle ever feel like it’s ended and finally settled? Does there come a time when I can water friendships that will endure without the fear of them being temporary? 
—Arielle 

One reader’s thoughts on how *not* to end a friendship

I suffered (and I use that word very intentionally) a friendship breakup on NYE last year. I received a text from a close friend of seven years abruptly cutting me out of her life. It was entirely out of the blue and shocked me to my core. Though I received wise counsel from my friends and therapist that forcing a discussion with her would likely only hurt me more, and do agree that is likely the case, it's still painful to sit in the "why". Even more painful is that we have a large group of mutual friends who I've had to awkwardly tiptoe around, and all of them are still friends with her. I'll just say that was a masterclass on how *not* to end a friendship. Everyone is allowed to have feelings of disappointment or anger in how a friendship is going, but I believe that mature and emotionally healthy friendships would take time to talk about that as a first step.
—Anonymous GNI Reader
 

When’s it time to call it quits?

It seems like my friendships have changed drastically over the past few years, and I continue to feel surprised by how many of them just...disappeared. Or, I realized that I was the one putting in all the effort and then with COVID, it became very clear that the person on the other end was not interested in investing in a friendship at all. I am trying to not take some of it personally, reignite where possible, and have a gracious view on ones that may just be in a different season, or pop back up later in life, but it's still hard. I also have 3 little kids under 7, work full-time as a healthcare comms leader, and freelance on the side so, other times, I'm reminding myself that I don't actually have that much margin anyway! 
— Julia
 

Thanks for sending in your responses and questions. Although we don't have solid answers, we hope these will help our readers feel less lonely when wondering the same, and we're looking forward to answering some of the more challenging questions in an upcoming issue. Responses have been edited for length and clarity. Reply to this email if you’ve got any other thoughts.

This Week's Reads

1. How to get out of a rut. (The Imperfectionist) — “...This helps explain the effectiveness of an absurdly simple tactic I've written about here before: grab a piece of paper, write down one action you could take, do it, and then cross it out. Then write another action on the line underneath it… and so on.”
2. 'I need to go to therapy soon, and by therapy I mean Target.' (LA Times) — Roaming the aisles as self-care? Guilty!
3. Love this story about a kid painter selling $125,000 paintings! (The New York Times) 
4. Perfectionism and the Performance of Organizing (Burnt Toast) — “It’s something I am both innately good at, and was socially conditioned to crave and excel at, as a woman. Which means that women who aren’t naturally organized often feel like failures.”
5. Is Gen Z Killing Vintage Fashion? (Elle)
6. How to Pace Yourself at Work While Pregnant (HBR)
7. The Reason Child Care Is So Hard to Afford (The Atlantic)
8. The Enduring Allure of Choose Your Own Adventure Books (The New Yorker) — So much nostalgia.