Matija Medved

Let’s get straight to the point: What am I doing? Where am I going?

A few months back, I would not have known. I would have smiled at you with a pained heart, lugging around all these stories, all the dreams, and a wish for something to acknowledge my existence.

After a series of failures which humans have spring chicken taste for, I am trying not to kill the vibes by telling how the one guy who I gave a lot of power over me, heart and soul- cheated on me with his childhood friend (I lost a lot during that time- everything except that writing saved me), blatant af- who in return gaslighted me (telling me how they were ‘just” friends in every mannerism possible), all the while, has gone on to marry this girl, this child he left me for around my birthday seven years ago. The pain is still fresh. They wanted to hurt me for some reason that I will never understand.

Diablo bless them.

Alao, whats up with Substack? I will copy paste and tell you:

To join our chat, you’ll need to download the Substack app, now available for both iOS and Android. Chats are sent via the app, not email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss a conversation as it happens.

How to get started

1. Download the app by clicking this link or the button below. Substack Chat is now available on both iOS and Android.

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2. Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.

3. That’s it! Jump into my thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.

Look, as I sit on my love couch in my room that is built in a very writer’s eccentric manner, finished with carpets that are now covered in cat hair, the low-lying thoughts floating around in my room, the uneaten sandwich from last night is smelling smells that the cat does not agree with. There are candles burning everywhere. I could almost be a witch, but I am not. And you could almost be my friend but now I have found loneliness at a time when most of you have a partner or a group of friends to share your laments with. I console myself with these newsletters.

Today I just said two things to the universe in gratitude for my getting into two prestigious residencies that offer the gift of time and resources to an outsider like me who is willing to apply till she can to just everything that can want her and she needs.

This tussle between wants and needs is an omnipresent one.

I also went to New York and then Boston. Traveled as I should. I will say more about my time there which was weird, alone more than in the crowds which I was not really ready for. I have been meaning to post this letter for a while so it is coming off as a recap rather than a letter and am sorry for that. I met my old friend and loved the reunion. I also ate a lot and I can fairly say I have gained weight.

I learned five things while looking at skyscrapers and weed dispensaries that you could walk into (one of which had cotton hung on the ceilings like clouds and for sure….

1. Everything matters because of the people and connections in it

2. energies don’t lie

3. there are things called ley lines that I have been researching for a while now- I believe they are in NY and even Boston

4. Money is everything indeed. Reaffirmed for the thousandth time.

5. In 2022 relationships are more tacit and fleeting. Take your pick and move. O cry forever.

Let’s revisit some titles?

1. This song that I must have listened to a 100 times easily

2. This song can never get old

3. I will never not listen

4. Hot remix

5. Pretty Please

A list of externals: EXTRA for being a bitch and saving all the writing for workshops and not letters

1. Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang TRAP REMIX

2. Match the Job to the Person

3. ELDERS REACT TO NICKI MINAJ

4. Vaishnava Jana To

5. The Truth About Ecstasy

6. Astounding Rapper Mac Lethal

7. THE VOICE BEST BLIND AUDITIONS EVER IN HISTORY

8. F. Chopin : Nocturne in c sharp minor for violin and piano

9. NATHY PELUSO REMIX

10. The Dickhead Song

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Wrote this letter listening to the songs listed above on repeat. Now I will never.

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