She Dares To Say - #26: Authenticity Arena – No. 11
This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month, after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 [Image description: Text: ‘Authenticity Arena No. 11’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke highlighted segment] Almaz note: Please do listen to the audio extract, while simultaneously following the text transcription, as it makes for a richer experience. Content note: This interview briefly refers to childhood self-harm, but does not describe any specific details. The audio recording (above) and transcript (below) represent 11 minutes from the beginning of a 60-minute chat I had with ‘M’ who’s a bisexual, white British, cis woman, who, at the time of interview in September 2021 was 40, married to a woman with whom she has two adopted children, and living in Greater Manchester. Almaz – 09:24mins ‘M’ – 09:26mins Almaz – 09:29mins ‘M’ – 09:39mins Almaz – 09:46mins ‘M’ – 09:46mins So we said, “Well, let’s look into adoption.” So we went to an open day thing. And they said, “If you think…” You know, if… Because we knew that the house we were in wasn’t big enough to have children in… Almaz – 10:29mins ‘M’ – 10:29mins Almaz – 10:36mins ‘M’ – 10:36mins Almaz – 10:52mins ‘M’ – 10:53mins And then we got approved for two or three children. And then we got matched with our two pretty much straight away. And then we got… So you go to panel again. And then we got approved. And then so it was about 12 months… Almaz – 11:28mins ‘M’ – 11:28mins Almaz – 11:40mins Almaz – 11:46mins ‘M’ – 11:50mins Almaz – 11:58mins ‘M’ – 12:00mins … So I’m at my friend’s at the moment. And yeah, so it’s all a bit up in the air. But yeah, it’s been really, really, really, really, really tough. The children have got a lot of issues. Almaz – 12:11mins ‘M’ – 12:11mins Almaz – 12:19mins ‘M’ – 12:19mins Almaz – 12:24mins ‘M’ – 12:25mins Almaz – 12:29mins ‘M’ – 12:31mins ‘M’ – 12:35mins Almaz – 12:41mins ‘M’ – 12:41mins Almaz – 12:49mins ‘M’ – 12:49mins Almaz – 12:54mins ‘M’ – 12:54mins Almaz – 13:04mins ‘M’ – 13:04mins Almaz – 13:12mins ‘M’ – 13:12mins Almaz – 13:21mins ‘M’ – 13:22mins Almaz – 13:26mins ‘M’ – 13:27mins Almaz – 13:35mins ‘M’ – 13:54mins Almaz – 13:55mins ‘M’ – 14:16mins So we were lucky in that sense in the school, were already… because their child had gone through reception and things so they, kind of… They were very accepting, even though it's a Church of England school. Almaz – 14:40mins ‘M’ – 14:40mins Almaz – 15:07mins ‘M’– 15:07mins Almaz – 15:08mins ‘M’ – 15:08mins Almaz – 15:16mins ‘M’ – 15:16mins Almaz – 15:27mins ‘M’ – 15:16mins Almaz – 15:34mins ‘M’ – 15:34mins Almaz – 15:45mins ‘M’ – 15:45mins Almaz –16:01mins ‘M’ – 16:22mins Almaz – mins ‘M’ – 16:28mins So Judy Blume… There was, like, this big thing when I was a teenager about this book, and the library wouldn’t let you take it out. I think you had to be over 16… Almaz – 16:46mins ‘M’ – 16:47mins Almaz – 17:08mins ‘M’ – 17:08mins Almaz – 17:19mins ‘M’ – 17:19mins Almaz – 17:47mins ‘M’ – 17:54mins Almaz – 18:17mins ‘M’ – 18:17mins Almaz – 18:34mins ‘M’ – 18:34mins I remember our youth leaders when I met my husband and I was 16. I remember thinking, “Oh, right. Okay.” Oh, because I’d already had sex before than, but it wasn’t very good. It was like, you know, the first time which is awful [scoffs] , and then, like a one-off. And I remember thinking, “Right, okay, I do think I want to have sex with him.” And our youth leaders were just like, “You know, we waited ‘til we were married. And if we can do it, then you can do it.” I remember thinking, “Yeah, but I don’t wanna wait” [chuckles]. You know. And if I had… If God didn’t want me to have these feelings, then surely he would have stopped me having them. And it was at that point that I, kind of, like, stopped going to church and my Mum gave up hope. [both chuckle] And I was a heathen. And then she found my contraceptive pill. Yeah. And told me that I’d “ruined my life”. I was “sold goods”. “Nobody else would ever want me” and “what did I think I was doing having sex” with my boyfriend. I was like, “Oh, thanks for that, Mum”. Almaz – 19:52mins M’ – 19:53mins Almaz – 19:56mins Almaz – 20:13mins ‘M’ – 20:31mins Almaz – 20:44mins ‘M’ – 20:44mins Almaz – 21:12mins ‘M’ – 21:13mins Almaz – 21:16mins ‘M’ – 21:16mins Almaz – 21:27mins ‘M’ – 21:27mins Almaz – 21:33mins ‘M’ – 21:34mins [CONVERATION CONTINUES FOR ANOTHER 40 MINUTES] [Image description: White speech box with black border shadows. Black text ‘As part of my research for my book, I’m running an anonymous online sexuality survey’. Dark orange text ‘bit.ly/ao_sexsurvey’. Black text ‘Anyone over 18 can fill it in, wherever you are in the world.’ Picture of coloured rectangles placed at angles with black border shadows. White text ‘Do you have guilt or shame around desire, sex or pleasure? Why/why not? Do you support compulsory sex and relationships education?’ on top rectangle] [Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 14 December. To receive this extra mailout, you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription. [Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’ on navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] Recent work: Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs. This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month, after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 You're currently a free subscriber to She Dares To Say. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. |
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#25: Authenticity Arena – No. 10
Wednesday, November 2, 2022
Listen now (13 min) | 'L', 29, pansexual, white British, woman (cis), partnered, Glasgow
#24: Authenticity Arena – No. 09
Wednesday, October 5, 2022
'K', 31, heterosexual, Black British Caribbean, woman, (cis), single London
#23: Authenticity Arena – No. 08
Wednesday, September 7, 2022
Listen now (11 min) | 'J', 33, bisexual, Mixed-race (Indian and white British) woman (cis), single, Brighton
#22: Authenticity Arena – No. 07
Wednesday, August 3, 2022
Listen now (15 min) | 'H', 37, queer, white British, woman (cis), married, London
#21: Authenticity Arena – No. 06
Wednesday, July 6, 2022
Listen now (5 min) | 'G', 48, straight, Mauritian British, male (cis), single, London
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