She Dares To Say - #27: Authenticity Arena – No. 12
This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month, after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 [Image description: Text: ‘Authenticity Arena No. 12’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke highlighted segment] Almaz note: Please do listen to the audio extract, while simultaneously following the text transcription, as it makes for a richer experience. ‘N’ responded my shout-out for people who fancied being interviewed about their relationship with gay dating app Grindr. The interview extract I’m sharing here gives some insight into how some millennials have engaged with dating app culture in the decade that’s passed since they became mainstream, and how app-based dating can flatten the way we conceive of notions such as attractiveness and masculinity. Almaz – 00:04mins ‘N’ – 00:18mins Almaz – 00:27mins ‘N’ – 00:28mins Almaz – 00:241mins ‘N’ – 00:41mins ‘N’ – 01:03mins Almaz – 01:10mins ‘N’ – 01:31mins Almaz – 01:34mins ‘N’ – 01:34mins Almaz – 01:55mins ‘N’ – 01:55mins I guess, because, in terms of, like, limitations and engagement with Grindr. Or with Gaydar, rather, you were limited because, you know, it was only when you could catch your computer that… However, you have your smartphone on all the time. And I’ve actually noticed that over the years, I guess I would not be the only person to do this, but I’ve spent far too much the time on Grindr at points. So, I’ve probably developed a little coping mechanisms in order to ensure that my engagement with Grindr isn’t out of control. Almaz – 03:05mins ‘N’ – 03:05mins Almaz – 03:32mins ‘N’ – 03:53mins Almaz – 04:26mins ‘N’ – 04:27mins So I think learning that really helped me start to, like, censor my amount of time on it. Almaz – 05:18mins ‘N’ – 05:50mins Almaz – 16:16mmins ‘N’ – mins I think it’s called the amygdala. But yeah, like so… It’s just fascinating that [sighs] there’s just, I think what you got to go back to what you said. Sort of, like, it was, like, a light bulb going off in my mind and I was starting to think “Right okay, this is becoming a bit of a problem.” I need… I’m kind of aware that this is what to do, but then again it’s easier said than done. Almaz – 07:09mins ‘N’ – 07:09mins Almaz – 07:31mins ‘N’ – 07:31mins Almaz – 07:42 mins ‘N’ – mins Am I going on? Almaz – 08:00mins ‘N’ – 08:05mins Because they learn to associate taking drugs with having sex, which is such, like, as I said, like, an innate desire, and it makes it all the more difficult to, kind of… And I think, again, going back to what you said, if people were more inclined to learn about, you know, sort of, the psychology behind why you do things and whatever, such as even reading a book like that, it would terrify you. Almaz – 08:58mins ‘N’ – 09:04mins Almaz – 09:17mins ‘N’ – 09:21mins Almaz – 09:22mins ‘N’ – 09:46mins And I would, sort of, think, like, I feel myself that I am somewhat straight-passing. So I’m aware that there is a privilege that I am, you know… Almaz – 10:28mins ‘N’ – 10:28mins Almaz – 10:49mins ‘N’ – 10:50mins Almaz – 11:12mins ‘N’ – 11:12mins Almaz – 11:22mins ‘N’ – 11:22mins Almaz – 11:47mins ‘N’ – 11:47mins I don’t know. But I am aware of it. I’m also very aware that it’s become a bit of a… What’s the word, like, a bit of a joke, as well. Almaz – 12:17mins ‘N’ – 12:37mins Almaz – 12:38mins ‘N’ – 12:40mins [Image description: White speech box with black border shadows. Black text ‘As part of my research for my book, I’m running an anonymous online sexuality survey’. Dark orange text ‘bit.ly/ao_sexsurvey’. Black text ‘Anyone over 18 can fill it in, wherever you are in the world.’ Picture of coloured rectangles placed at angles with black border shadows. White text ‘Do you have guilt or shame around desire, sex or pleasure? Why/why not? Do you support compulsory sex and relationships education?’ on top rectangle] [Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 11 January. To receive this extra mailout, you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription. [Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’ on navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] Recent work: This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month, after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 You're currently a free subscriber to She Dares To Say. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. |
Key phrases
Older messages
#26: Authenticity Arena – No. 11
Wednesday, December 7, 2022
Listen now (12 min) | 'M', 40, bisexual, white British, woman (cis), married to a woman with whom she has two adopted children, Greater Manchester
#25: Authenticity Arena – No. 10
Wednesday, November 2, 2022
Listen now (13 min) | 'L', 29, pansexual, white British, woman (cis), partnered, Glasgow
#24: Authenticity Arena – No. 09
Wednesday, October 5, 2022
'K', 31, heterosexual, Black British Caribbean, woman, (cis), single London
#23: Authenticity Arena – No. 08
Wednesday, September 7, 2022
Listen now (11 min) | 'J', 33, bisexual, Mixed-race (Indian and white British) woman (cis), single, Brighton
#22: Authenticity Arena – No. 07
Wednesday, August 3, 2022
Listen now (15 min) | 'H', 37, queer, white British, woman (cis), married, London
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