With no end in sight to the Canada wildfires that are blanketing the Eastern half of the US in smoke, American air quality is literally at the mercy of the wind.

Breathing is supposed to stay rough today in many already badly smogged parts of the Northeast, as well as in cities further down the East Coast and in the Midwest, thanks to a low-pressure system with south-blowing winds that aren’t expected to change course until at least Saturday. Once they do, the outside will look a lot less like Mars, but it’s still likely to be a hazy weekend for New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington, DC, where millions of people have been inhaling some of the most toxic air in the world.

The pollution has already caused flight delays, the postponement of the Yankees–White Sox game, and raids on everyone’s Covid mask stashes. Record-high air quality indexes are far above the “unhealthy” threshold of 100 (NYC surpassed 400 yesterday).

How to stay safe from the smoke

Health officials recommend that everyone...

• Stay inside with windows and doors shut. Close the fireplace flue if you’re fancy, and if you have a window AC unit, the Environmental Protection Agency suggests only using it if you can seal up window frame gaps and close the outdoor air damper.
• Keep your central air running, if you have it, per the EPA. If it has a fresh air setting, switch it to recirculation mode. Get some fans going, and consider buying an air purifier before they sell out.
• Avoid frying food, doing strenuous activity, taking the dog for long walks, and smokin’ darts…even if half a pack of cigarettes is less harmful than a full day of Northeast air right now.

Looking ahead…Canada says this could be its most destructive wildfire season ever, which would make for a smoky American summer and a She’s-All-That comeback story for people who got bullied for buying those Dyson air purifier headsets. While air quality over the next few days is projected to be less than good, wildfire smoke is notoriously hard to predict, so keep an eye on live forecasts.—ML

Give your whiskers what they’ve always wanted: a li’l TLC. No, not a spotty once-over with any old buzzer or razor. It’s time to embrace a trimmer that’ll transform your face into a sculpted moneymaker.

Say hello to Braun’s All-in-One Series 9 Trimmer. This bad boy has it all, from a 13-in-1 curated style kit that’ll meet all your fuzzy needs to a lifetime-sharp metal ProBlade with professional precision and 40 length settings—talk about a shape-up.

The All-in-One Series 9 is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Its rechargeable, 180-minute cordless battery runtime helps you stay well-groomed 24/7/365. Oh, and it’s 100% waterproof. No more throwaway trimmers.

Give your beard a refresh.

CEO Chris Licht out at CNN. He lasted longer than CNN+, but Licht departed CNN yesterday after just 13 months as the head of the cable news network. His brief time at the helm included plenty of controversies, including a recent unflattering profile in The Atlantic, pushback from staff on the handling of the Donald Trump town hall, and the layoffs that came with killing the network’s attempt at a streamer. Ratings and profits also fell during his tenure. Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav took responsibility for the situation and put three execs in charge while he searches for a permanent replacement.

GameStop ditched its CEO, too. After firing ex-Amazon exec Matt Furlong, who joined the company shortly after retail traders from Reddit took up its cause, GameStop embraced the “meme king.” It named Ryan Cohen, the billionaire investor who has championed the company, its executive chair. But investors weren’t impressed—they may have noticed that the company also announced its revenue was down last quarter compared to a year before—and sent the volatile stock plunging in after-hours trading.

Prosecutors tell Trump he’s a target. Former President Donald Trump’s lawyers have received a letter from federal prosecutors informing them that he is the target of an investigation into his handling of classified documents after he left office, signaling that an indictment may be near, several news outlets reported. News of the letter came after the former president’s lawyers met with DOJ attorneys on Monday, supposedly to try to convince them not to bring charges and as witnesses connected to Trump have been appearing before a grand jury in Florida. Trump maintains that he is the victim of the “weaponized DOJ and FBI.”

On Wednesday, Lionel Messi decided to wear pink. The Argentinian champ announced yesterday that he’s joining Inter Miami in a deal poised to change the future of US soccer.

For Messi to turn down a reported $400 million offer from the Saudi football league, Miami’s proposition had to be sweeter than a Barefoot moscato. According to The Athletic, these key aspects of the deal helped bring Messi stateside:

• Partnerships with Apple and Adidas: In addition to his salary, Messi will receive a cut of the revenue from new subscribers to Apple’s MLS Season Pass. A profit-sharing agreement between him and Adidas is in the works.
• Bend it like Messi: He’ll likely have a chance to buy a stake in an MLS team when he’s done playing, echoing the deal that David Beckham got when he joined LA Galaxy (which ultimately led to him co-owning Inter Miami).

Even after securing the biggest name in the sport, US fútbol has a long way to go. But the future looks promising: Ticket sales for the Inter Miami vs. LAFC match on Sept. 3 jumped from $81 to $422 following Messi’s announcement, per TickPick.

Zoom out: Miami sports fans haven’t had it this good since 1972. The city has a team in both the NBA and NHL championships and will also be a host for the 2026 World Cup.—CC

Someone has been pooping out the same Covid strain for two years in Ohio, and we need to find them. There’s nothing to be concerned about (unless it’s your poop) since the virus is inactive in waste, but some scientists believe finding that person could provide some much-needed insight into the disease.

Dr. Marc Johnson, a virologist at the University of Missouri medical school, noticed that a “cryptic” strain (meaning it’s a highly specific mutation) keeps popping up in the area.

• He hypothesized that it’s coming from just one person.
• Based on sewage lines, he’s even pinpointed that the individual’s home is likely in Columbus, OH, and that they commute to work in a city called Washington Court House, about 45 minutes away.

So, why is one person’s bathroom break so important? Well, for starters, they are likely really sick and might not even know it. And, number two, studying this mystery person might be able to help scientists better understand why long-Covid infections happen and how to treat them.

Everybody (with Covid) poops: And the virus is shed in their waste. So, while spotty around the country, sewage tracking remains one of the most reliable and up-to-date ways to track Covid infections in communities—especially as the US starts to shutter other community-level tracking programs.—MM

Stat: Having your partner of nine years cheat on you while an audience of millions watches and gossips probably isn’t fun, but at least it’s lucrative. According to Vox, Ariana Madix—the wronged girlfriend at the center of Vanderpump Rules’ internet-breaking “Scandoval”—has sold $200,000 worth of merch online...for a sandwich shop she hasn’t even opened yet. Madix said she launched sales earlier than planned after fans kept asking how they could support her.

Quote: “You can’t possibly get everything done working three days a week in the office and two days remotely. Look at the success of France with their stupid…you know, off for August, blah blah blah. That’s not a very thriving country. Should America go down the drain because people don’t want to go back to work?”

Martha Stewart, who frequently broadcasts from her own house, came out against WFH in an interview with Footwear News this week. The craft whiz turned octogenarian swimsuit model described herself as being on a “rampage” to get people back into the office, apparently because she believes your desire to discuss last quarter’s numbers while parked on your couch is hurting America.

Read: What if we’re thinking about inflation all wrong? (The New Yorker)

Move over, Wednesday: There’s a new goth dance craze coming.

The reviews are in: And people are digging Apple’s $3,500 headset.

Sweet-tooth travel itinerary: The 50 best desserts from around the world.

Zoom in: Here’s an explanation of why it looks like you’re moving slower when you look closer. (YouTube)

Retail insights: The Retail Brew newsletter is built for retail professionals, providing top-tier industry news, how-to guides, event opportunities, and more straight to your inbox M–F. Subscribe for free.

Secure your bag$: M1 High-Yield Savings Accounts are FDIC insured up to $5m. That’s 20x the standard coverage offered by most banks. And the APY? Very generous indeed. Open your account.*

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Brew Mini: Today’s Mini is a breath of fresh air. Play it here.

Three headlines and a lie

Three of these headlines are real and one is faker than the server’s “thanks for coming in” after a birthday brunch party of 15. Can you spot the odd one out?

1. No, Sweden did not declare sex a sport
2. Hackers replaced every listing on e-comm platform DingDong with ‘used cigarettes’
3. Salesforce tells employees it will donate $10 per day to charity if they come back to the office
4. Scantily clad ‘witches’ caught munching on deer carcass in bizarre security cam footage

The business of space: Tech Brew charts how space tech startups are launching their ambitious ideas. Check it out.

Struggling to wrap your head around career opportunities in the finance world? Money with Katie breaks it down with experts from CFA and BlackRock. Watch now.

To rent or to buy? That is the hot question these days, so we sat down with Zillow to discuss the ins and outs of the current housing market.