Hello. I’ve noticed that you’ve decided to [conduct a Zoom meeting, take a phone call, play music or a video game with the sound on] inside this [coffeeshop, train car, other public area]. I understand you are doing something that is important and/or entertaining to you. Unfortunately, I must confront you with an unpleasant reality: Other people exist. 

I know, this can be confusing. Much of our lives nowadays are lived in a cocoon where we can do anything we want, whenever we want. Locked into your [phone, AirPods, laptop], it can be easy to feel like you’re the only person in the world that matters.

What’s that? You’re getting a call? Sure, I can wait.

OK, where were we? Ah, yes. I was explaining you are in a public place and there are other humans around. And a group of humans working together forms this thing called a society. And collectively, we’ve decided that, in order to have a functional society, we all need to participate in this pesky thing called the social contract. 

Basically, that means we all need to consider other people’s feelings too. It’s like the opposite of what happens when you stare at your phone.

“Freedom!” you say? Humans, though free, still need to respect each other. A guy named John Locke wrote about that.

“I have rights!” True. However, individual rights must, at times, be subordinated to the general will. That’s according to this French dude named Jean-Jacques Rousseau. 

“What about those guys over there? They’re having a conversation.” Yeah, but they’re doing it at a normal volume (see: inside voice) which keeps their words contained, whereas you are projectile vomiting your preferences all over this communal space.

“I don’t care about you. I care about me.” Alas, we don’t care about you either. What a stalemate!

“It’s none of your business.” It wasn’t, but then you made it my business by inflicting your [job interview, opinions about The Summer I Turned Pretty, fave Travis Scott track] upon me without my consent.

It’s about self-regarding vs. other-regarding actions:

Self-regarding actions are actions that only harm yourself or, if it also harms others (rational adults), it does so with their free, voluntary, and undeceived consent and participation.

Other-regarding actions are those that harm others who are not rational, free, undeceived, consenting adults.

According to John Stuart Mill, we cannot interfere with self-regarding actions under any circumstances. But society can interfere with other-regarding actions if it chooses. In this case, consider me an ambassador for society – and thus, I am interfering like a cornerback forced to defend Gronk on a hook route.

Look, I get it. Considering other people is very inconvenient. And I’m sure you are [important at work, have great taste in music, need to stop Alec Trevelyan from activating GoldenEye’s satellite laser in a final attempt to get his revenge on MI6]. Maybe you even think other people want to [hear you discuss digital marketing strategy, find out what happened on last night’s date, listen to Kid Rock sing, “Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy diggy, said the boogie, said up jump the boogie”]. I can assure you: We don’t.

In short, can you please shut the f– up? We’d all appreciate it.

Now, moving on. You, guy eating his bagel and lox with a knife and fork. What the hell is your deal?

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Quickies

🌵 How come I’m supposed to believe the government when they tell me there ARE aliens? 👽

🌵 Starting to think most painters are in it just so they can wear those jeans with paint stains and have people ask them about it.

🌵 Desantis keeps attacking a place in Florida as sinful and it's amazing that it's Orlando and not Miami.

🌵 Maybe the strike could be settled if these streaming channels figured out how to not show me the same Tempur-Pedic mattress ad 4,658 times in a row.

🌵 I miss sports teams having logos that look like gay pirates…

…who strongly resemble old school actors:

🌵 Shorts are for children. Change when you arrive if you must, but c'mon. Also, NBA coaches should wear suits. Look like a leader of men, not some insurance salesman about to play the back nine.

🌵 The other night at midnight at Penn Station in NYC: All of the Metallica fans going home from a Jersey stadium collided with all of the Phish fans going home from Madison Square Garden. It was a real scrum! J/K. It was just drunk fantasy football bros wearing black saying "excuse me" to stoned accountants wearing tie dyes.

💥 This is a reader-supported newsletter which means it’s supported by YOU. Are you not supporting it? Well then how is it supposed to stay upright? Please sign up for paid plan if ya can (you’ll get bonus content too)… 💥

🌵 How to make being broke seem trés chic: "My apartment isn't 'empty.' It's 'minimalist' and 'Marie Kondo-inspired.'"

🌵 Northwestern grad here. All these revelations about our football program are especially hurtful since the team is consistently awful. If you're gonna haze the crap outta freshman, at least do it as part of a winning program.

🌵 Trump ages just like a happy meal. You put him on the shelf for four years and he winds up looking exactly the same. Monsanto chemicals are truly amazing.

🌵 We know Biden is a cadaver – yet every economic decision that’s come from the White House feels like the right one. We oughta give more credit to the Weekend at Bernie's staff that is actually running the show behind the scenes. They're doing it effectively and impressively discreetly.

🌵 Weird how we keep assigning disorders to biological causes but when ya try to say men are the way they are because of testosterone the response is "Do better."

🌵 Sports merch design can never end. They can never say "we got it" and move on. Instead, they constantly "innovate" in order to sell this year’s merch. And that is how we get this level of godawful, McDonald’s-esque ugliness:

🌵 "Aaaaand now, we interrupt this documentary to show you a crappy animation to cover up the fact we have no footage we can use in this spot..."

🌵 There needs to be a word for when you wanna watch a documentary and then you see it's like a 6-parter and think, "OH, COME ON." Like, I don't need to see 28 hours on American Gladiators. Keep it simple, baby. This ain't Dostoevsky, this is dudes on 'roids jousting. We get it.

🌵 It's hilarious that all these "don't trust science" folks are sponsored by brain pills and energy enhancement snake oil. They don't believe in clinical trials, yet have no qualms hawking crap that “stimulates,” “boosts,” and “optimizes.”

🌵 Write. Sing. Joke. Design. Do anything but “generate content.”

🌵 Things to say when your side has no evidence: “People are saying...” “A lot of folks are concerned that...” “The timing is suspicious...”

🌵 Almost 4X more people watched the "Last of Us" finale (8.2 million) compared to the "Succession" finale (2.9 million). I have no idea what’s reality anymore.

🌵 I find the split in America to be less about left vs. right and more about extremely online vs. not insane.

Comedy

🃏 I post clips of my standup (and more) at Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube. Here’s a fun exchange I had with a Sikh dentist wearing scrubs who sat in the front row.

🃏 NYC! Misguided Meditation with Matt Ruby returns on September 14 to an amazing venue: The Psychedelic Assembly.

It’s a show with comedy (about psychedelics, death, therapy, etc.), visuals (mixed live by Sophia Sobers), and sounds (ambient soundscape performed by Steve Pestana). One hour open bar from Misguided Spirits before the show too. Early bird coupon code – MISGUIDED5 – gets Rubesletter readers $5 off. Tickets/info here. (Want MM to come to a venue near you? Let me know.)

🃏 Check out my other newsletter Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian.

🃏 Listen to my podcast:

Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby Stereoactive Media 25 episodes

5-spotted

🗯 Men are lost. Here’s a map out of the wilderness. Christine Emba argues that progressives should stop ignoring human nature:

Ignoring obvious truths about human nature, even general ones, fosters the idea that progressives are out of touch with reality. The essentialist view — that it’s in men’s nature to be brave, stoic and in charge while women remain docile, nurturing and submissive — would be dire news for social equality and for the vast numbers of individuals who don’t fit those stereotypes. Biology isn’t destiny — there is no one script for how to be a woman or a man. But despite a push by some advocates to make everything from bathrooms to birthing gender-neutral, most people don’t actually want a completely androgynous society. And if a new model for masculinity is going to find popular appeal, it will depend on putting the distinctiveness of men to good use in whatever form it comes.

🗯 A “Great Clout Reset” is coming, with everyone starting over at square one, according to Taylor Lorenz.

“It’ll separate the cream from the crop. So many people signed up for Twitter early, and they’re these legacy accounts with huge followings that don’t add anything. They’re coasting on that. We’ll finally see who really has a following. It’ll be more merit-based. I’m willing to sacrifice my own clout in pursuit of the next chapter.”

🗯 How to bring down rates of mental illness among kids? Allow more unsupervised free play. Peter Gray in After Babel:

Too many people are focusing on drugs and therapy, as if something is wrong with the kids that needs correction, and not enough of us are thinking about prevention. Prevention would involve bringing normal childhood back to children. Children are designed to play and explore and thereby becoming increasingly independent as they grow older. Their instincts tell them that something is seriously wrong if they don’t have such independence. 

🗯 The real value of money is control, according to Morgan Housel.

Control over doing what you want, when you want to, with the people you want to, is the broadest lifestyle variable that makes people happy. Money’s greatest intrinsic value, and this can’t be overstated, is its ability to give you control over your time.

🗯 Author Jason Pargin on the rise of solitude p0rn.

I am getting a repeated message that you are better off alone, that other people are scary…Tons of the dating advice is all about red flags which is such dehumanizing language to look at another person and just see warning signs.

Related:

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this, please forward it to a friend about it or share it on social media. Appreciate ya.

-Matt