The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

HIRING—BS JOB: A recent survey showed that 19% of employees believe their jobs are socially useless or don’t contribute to anyone’s well-being. It was the entire fire department in Bikini Bottom.

PEACOCK UROLOGIST: How is the Florida village of Pinecrest planning to solve its pesky peacock overpopulation? Vasectomies. The birds are multiplying rapidly in the community and have a habit of attacking their own reflections in cars and windows, leading to a lot of peacock-sized dents in car doors.

Personal

SEA WIG SIGHTING: Scientists discovered a 20-armed sea creature called the strawberry feather star that has been floating swimming creeping around the Antarctic. It’s semi-related to sea cucumbers and starfish, but definitely not welcome at our family reunion.

STOP INMAILING 4 AFFECTION: Up to 91% of women said they’ve received romantic advances on LinkedIn, a new survey found. Nothing sexier than asking someone where they got such robust public speaking skills.

For sale

BLOOD POPSICLES: Turns out a big part of working at a zoo is making lions tasty freezer pops with horse blood. The lead zoologist of mammals at the Dallas Zoo said they make them every day for the large cats when the heat is sweltering. Following up to see if they take Caribou Coffee literally.

BARBENHEIMER HUES: Sherwin-Williams expects this summer’s cultural phenomenon will extend into 2024. In its Colormix Forecast for 2024, the company predicted that polar opposite aesthetics will dominate design trends, which means in a few years, Home Goods will have 600 bubblegum-pink-but-threatening candelabras.—MM

Many of us have questions about space, but maybe space also has questions for…us.

Viewers of a recently captured photo of distant galaxies by the James Webb Space Telescope (though it’s actually a composite of six images) spotted an orange shape that looks remarkably like a question mark. There’s a chance the symbol is a message from the alien Riddler, but more likely it’s a pair of baby stars just finding their way in the universe, astronomers said.

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even enjoy a caprese salad.

Pink Floyd as performed by brains. So much for “we don’t need no thought control”—scientists have reproduced the song “Another Brick in the Wall” using the brain activity people exhibited while listening to the Pink Floyd hit. This is the first time that recognizable music has been deciphered from brainwaves, according to researchers. Although one scientist said the reconstructed recording “sounds a bit like they’re speaking underwater,” the breakthrough could someday help people with certain neurological conditions translate their silent thoughts into nonrobotic, natural-sounding speech that has rhythm and inflection, similar to music.

These sharks are besties. Great white sharks typically ride solo, so marine researchers are perplexed by the discovery that two have been found swimming together. The tracked sharks, named Jekyll and Simon, stayed within 10 to 100 miles of each other while moving north between April and July. The chief scientist at the nonprofit tracking the sharks said that since the beginning of his career in the 1970s, he’s never seen white sharks migrate together like this. Blood samples will determine if the pair is related. If so, it could mean that family actually matters to the aquatic predators, who, until now, weren’t thought to care much about those ties.

What does mozzarella have in common with strep throat? Bacteria. It’s crucial to all cheeses, and microbiologists have finally identified the two microbes that make mozzarella taste the way it does: Streptococcus and Lactobacillus. Why’d it take so long to unlock the secret to a standard pizza topping? The cheese has a pretty diverse microbial makeup. Plus, making mozz is a delicate process that involves heating, ripening, and brining a mixture of milk from a water buffalo, natural whey starter, and curdled milk from a calf’s stomach, so even the slightest temperature or processing changes impact its microbiome and therefore its flavor.—ML

Last week, a devastating brush fire tore through Maui, reducing much of the historic town of Lāhainā to ashes and killing at least 111 people. But even as first response efforts were still underway, reports began spreading on social media that outside investors were calling up locals, looking to snap up what’s left of Lāhaināns’ property, presumably with plans to redevelop the land.

Almost all of Lāhainā’s housing stock was lost to the flames, leaving up to 4,500 residents without a roof over their heads. And as the area seeks to rebuild, many longtime Mauians fear they could end up priced out of their hometown as it gets turned into a luxury enclave for moneyed mainlanders.

Those fears aren’t necessarily unfounded: The phenomenon is common when disasters hit desirable zip codes. Add to that Hawaii’s fraught history with outsiders and tensions around preserving Native Hawaiian culture, and the question of how to revive the area has become especially contentious.

The prospect of real estate developers paying below-market rates for the land was met with fierce backlash. Local activists flooded social media, invoking the history of Native Hawaiians’ land being obtained through predatory practices. The state’s governor even said he’s looking into imposing a moratorium on selling land to developers in the wake of the fire disaster.

Disaster gentrification

Unfortunately, a hot real estate market ravaged by a natural disaster can be a lucrative business opportunity. Developers can swoop in to buy land at a discount, sometimes due to the homeowners’ desperation to cash out their property. Insurance and aid payouts typically “don’t arrive the day after a tragedy,” yet families are immediately faced with relocation costs and other expenses, Sterling Higa, executive director of Housing Hawaii’s Future, explained to Morning Brew.

Prime vacation spots hit with environmental devastation have been gentrified in the past. Outside investors took advantage of Hurricane Irma in 2017 to accelerate tourism development on the Caribbean island of Barbuda, as the government helped them wrest control of coveted land from locals. And research shows that Florida communities affected by hurricanes saw higher home prices and tended to attract wealthier residents in the aftermath.

Maui risks facing a similar fate. The scenic island has long been a magnet for deep-pocketed part-time residents (Oprah Winfrey is among the island’s top landowners) and hordes of tourists. With not enough homes to go around, housing prices have skyrocketed and many locals employed in the dominant hospitality industry find themselves struggling to make ends meet.

• The pandemic hyper-boosted the real estate boom, pushing Maui County’s home prices up nearly 35% since 2019.
• The median price for a home on the island is currently around a million dollars, per Redfin.

An exodus of longtime residents from across the state, particularly Native Hawaiians, began even before the fire, with Las Vegas emerging as a popular destination, and the recent disaster could send more people packing.

But does it have to be that way?

Experts say there are ways to prioritize a recovery effort that keeps locals local.

“Keeping many [local] people close and as engaged as possible” during the rebuilding effort ought to be an overarching priority for the local government, Andrew Rumbach, climate disaster recovery researcher at the Urban Institute, told Morning Brew. He says providing temporary housing and other aid, while making sure locals are participating in recovery discussions, could compel more people to stick around.

To prevent investors rushing in to buy up local land, Rumbach says Maui authorities could temporarily stop issuing building permits. But he thinks the government will ultimately have to focus on keeping home prices within reach of families on the island, by using recovery funds for various affordability programs and loosening zoning rules to expand housing supply.

Looking ahead…It usually takes years to rebuild housing after such a sweeping catastrophe: Rumbach noted that even in the exceptionally speedy recovery scenario of the Marshall Fire in Colorado, just 10% of the lost homes have been rebuilt 20 months later.—SK

Here’s a list of organizations involved in relief efforts on Maui you can donate to.

Cook: Feeling nostalgic for a strawberry shortcake ice-cream bar from the pool snack shack? Make your own version with this recipe.

Read: Fans of Sea of Tranquility or All This Could Be Different will enjoy The Rabbit Hutch, which tells the story of four teenagers in a forgotten Midwestern town.

Buy: Rizz up your wardrobe with socks, polos, and golf accessories from 7-Eleven’s online store.

Listen: Ear Hustle is a podcast that reports on the daily life of people incarcerated at San Quentin prison.

Watch: The film adaptation of Red, White & Royal Blue—a BookTok favorite—is out on Amazon Prime.

Listen: Maribou State’s music is part groovy, part electronic, and a straight-up vibe.

Aspiring Rich People: Tune in to The Money with Katie Show, a weekly podcast drop about money that won’t put you to sleep.

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It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

Secret’s out about Albania.

The Balkan country is shedding its reputation as a haven for corruption and organized crime to emerge as the hot new vacation destination for Europeans. It’s got stunning beaches (the Albanian Riviera), nightlife, and striking natural landscapes…but its biggest selling point may be the low cost.

Billed as a cheaper alternative to European tourist meccas like Italy, Greece, and Croatia, Albania’s restaurant and hotel prices were 56% below those in Germany, according to Germany’s federal statistics agency. The Financial Times calls Albania the “cheapest holiday destination in Europe.”

And people have noticed. Tourism to Albania has surged this year as budget-conscious travelers try to avoid the costs—and the crowds—of other Mediterranean hot spots.

• In June, airline passengers to Albania more than doubled from the previous year, per ACI Europe.
• Overnight stays by foreign tourists in Q1 2023 surged 152% from the same period in 2019, according to Eurostat.

If that sounds like an opportunity for Airbnb hosts, you’d be correct. The number of short-term rental listings has boomed 195% from January 2019 to May 2023, though even that hasn’t kept up with demand for nightly stays, which has shot up 543% in the same period, per data analyzed by AirDNA.

Bottom line: Albania remains one of the poorest countries in Europe. But its low cost and natural assets (30% of Europe’s flora!) are becoming hard to ignore for travelers priced out of places where The White Lotus is set. You might wanna get there before the influencers do.—NF

Last week we asked: What is the most underrated school supply?

Here are our favorite responses:

• “The pink eraser. It wasn’t about it being useful, but rather seeing how many holes you could fit in it by the end of the year.”—Gavin from Fargo, ND
• “Locker decor is where it’s at. You know you made it if you had a cute mirror and matching magnetic shelf.”—Tori from Rochester, NY
• “A G2 Pilot pen. As my speech/debate teacher called it, the ‘Pen of Champions.’”—Pranaad from Laredo, TX
• “The ruler that doubles as a three-hole puncher. It kept me so organized in eighth grade. I thought I would be president one day because of it.”—Rachel from Washington
• “Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils. Their cedar smell evokes the start of the school year, they require that awkward walk to the sharpener in the middle of class, and they make Scantron tests a breeze.”—Cordelia from Dallas, TX
• “As a 15-year elementary school principal, I can tell you that glue sticks are always on order for the supply room.”—Jason from Valdese, NC

This week’s question

If you were a ghost, what would be your method of haunting people?

Molly’s answer to get the juices flowing: “I’d tip the bottom of people’s water glasses up as they took a drink so they get drenched.”

Share your response here.