This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’.

If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal.

Support

You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃

[Image description: Text ‘The Ultimate Guide to Non-monogamy on a navy blue background with lilac paintbrush stroke highlighted segments]

“Hey lovelies, what are you doing over the August Bank Holiday weekend? Wanna come to Lost Village festival with me? I’ve just been booked to host a panel in the talks tent and I bet they’ll let both of you come for free as my guests. I mean, it would make sense for them to acknowledge peeps like us in a throuple since they’ve programmed a talk on the non-monogz lifestyle, right?!”

I had sent a voice message to my lovers (who are a couple) in London to let them know they should make sure that their bell tent was clean and dry because we’d be needing it; I’d been booked to host a panel talk at the Institute of Curious Minds tent at Lost Village festival. And since I was set to chair ‘The Ultimate Guide to Non-monogamy’ talk, I’d wrangled two extra complimentary tickets to take into account our non-normative relationship.

Set in an abandoned forest close to the village of Norton Disney, Lincolnshire, Lost Village festival showcases some of the world’s hottest electronic music DJs with themed stages featuring incredible full-scale props like a real jet engine at the ‘Airbase’ stage, piles of metal from totaled cars at ‘Junkyard’, strings of colourful garments and flower garlands at ‘Forgotten Cabin’ in the woods, and an 80s themed bowling alley-cum games arcade called ‘Strike City’.

The ‘Institute of Curious Minds’ is home to a curated programmed of talks and discussions and was decked out like an academic’s library with books and curiosities stacked in rows on shelves and Chesterfield armchairs for panellists on the stage.

[Image description: ‘Institute of Curious Minds’ 2023 line-up poster. Text: ‘Fascinating stories, talks and interviews with the people who made it happen’]

Joining me to discuss non-monogamy were Leanne Yau (she/her), aka Poly Philia, a polyamory educator, advocate, writer, and influencer, and Ross Patel (they/them), aka DJ Polyamoross, artist manager and DJ. I’d prepped some questions and talking points beforehand, and in the green room Leanne, Ross and I built up a familiar rapport.

We walked on stage to a packed-out tent with our various lovers beaming at us from the front row.

[Image description: audience members sit on benches watching panellists Ross, Leanne and Almaz discuss non-monogamy in the Institute of Curious Minds tent]

I led with an ice-breaker directed at the audience: “Who’s thinking about exploring something slightly different from traditional monogamy? Raise your hand. Oooh, lots of you, great!”

Leanne and Ross then shared their insights on non-monogamy with the attentive audience, while I steered the discussion and added a few of my own thoughts. Our talk ended up covering a fair bit of ground, with Leanne revealing how she manages her diary and various life commitments alongside having multiple partners; she has a colour-coded shareable Google calendar and asks new connections what colour they’d like to be!

Ross advised that people ought to try to have conversations with prospective partners upfront to set the expectations regarding how often you’d like to see each other. They say that the key here is to remember that everybody’s wants and needs are valid, but they might not necessarily match up with yours.

And I was on my usual beat explaining how monogamy and the nuclear family household are only a few hundred years old and have mainly been a European/Northern American thing by explaining how, in the pre-colonial days in Ghana, lots of the ethnic groups used to practice polygamy where their family set-up would be one guy who might have three or four wives, who all had their own different hut dwellings.

I took some audience questions at the end and we were all moved when a lady wept a little as she told us it was so affirming for her to hear from panellist Leanne – a woman of Chinese heritage – that non-monogamy absolutely can be a valid lifestyle choice for anyone, no matter your cultural heritage (the lady was of Chinese heritage, too).

Our partners snapped some pics of us on stage; don’t we look like we’re having such a great time!

[Image description: panellists Ross, Leanne and Almaz sit on Chesterfield armchairs on a stage covered in a large rug – take 1]

[Image description: panellists Ross, Leanne and Almaz sit on Chesterfield armchairs on a stage covered in a large rug – take 2]

[Image description: panellists Ross, Leanne and Almaz sit on Chesterfield armchairs on a stage covered in a large rug – take 3]

[Image description: Leanne, Almaz and Ross smile for a photo after the panel talk]

Throughout the rest of the day, I had people coming up to me to say that they’d been at the talk and had really enjoyed it, which was really, really great to hear! I’ll hopefully be doing more events, and I’ll be sure to keep ‘She Dares To Say’ readers in the loop via this email newsletter.

‘She Dares To Say’ Season 3 announcement

‘She Dares To Say’ is about to return for a new season and it’s beginning on Wednesday 4 October!

This season will see a few changes to how I produce and release monthly content.

The first bit of news is that I’ve teamed up with Female Health & Fertility, a new digital magazine and online hub created to support women and non-binary people affected by gynecological and reproductive issues, where I’ll be writing a monthly column called ‘Pleasure Principles with Almaz Ohene’. Each digital issue of Female Health & Fertility drops for paid subscribers on the first day of each month, and I’ll be sharing the column here in full for all ‘She Dares To Say’ readers on the first Wednesday of each month. So, on Wednesday 4 October you’ll all receive the first column in the series, ‘Tips for Improving Your Physical Relationship That Don’t Involve Sex’.

Later on in the month, I’ll start publishing a rotating schedule of original content.

First up will be a return to the ‘Authenticity Arena’ sexuality survey interview series, where I gently encourage members of the public to open up about their views and personal experiences of sex. Interviews are formatted as verbatim text transcripts and I also include the audio recordings (with any identifying personal information bleeped out).

And then, I’ll be introducing you guys to two new content strands. These will be…

– ‘Considering my Crushes’ where I share an expansive description along with imagery of one of my celebrity/public eye/fictional crushes from my past/present. As someone who’s experienced crushes frequently and intensely, ever since I was about five (my earliest crushes included Damon Barn, Blur’s frontman, Peter Pan from the 1990s animated kids TV show Peter Pan & the Pirates, Billy Kennedy from Aussie soap Neighbours, Ernst Robinson from the 1960s Disney live-action film Swiss Family Robsinson and, inexplicably, President Bill Clinton in the Lewinsky Scandal era) I thought it would be entertaining to try explain how each of my crushes made me feel. Expect 90s nostalgia, desirability politics and cultural commentary.

– ‘What the notches said’ where I reach out to various people from my sexual past and ask them to answer quick-fire questions about where they were at in life when we dated/hooked-up and how their views/situation have changed in the intervening years. Getting back in touch with old flames can teach us how navigating complex interpersonal dynamics, and although fraught with complication, is an exercise in radical vulnerability, so I’m excited to share our reflections with you all. Expect spiky sarcasm, low-key flirting and existential regret.

I’ll still be continuing the POSTSCRIPT mailouts for paid subscribers, which will include additional content for readers based on the month’s theme. Here’s an example of a POSTSCRIPT mailout that I didn’t put behind a paywall: ‘POSTSCRIPT: February 2022’.

To receive this extra POSTSCRIPT mailout each month you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription.

And, as with the previous season, anything that I write that sits outside the season’s general remit will be published as a bonus issue. Previous bonus mailouts include ‘#20: 'The Final Strife’ by Saara El-Arifi’ and ‘#17: Girls at 10 – what Lena Dunham’s show taught us about millennial sex’.

[Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’ on navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke]

I’m Almaz Ohene, a Creative Copywriter, Freelance Journalist and Accidental Sexpert.
– Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs.

I also run in-person and online ‘Developing sexual expression and understanding intimacy’ workshops.

[Image description: promo banner for Almaz’s sexuality workshops in pinks and purples with line drawings of sex paraphernalia on a cream background]

If you’re planning a party or hen do where you’d like a focus on improving sensual creativity, sexual expression and intimate relationships please visit the workshop page on my website and click the ‘Request booking info’ button for more information.

This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’.

If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal.

Support

You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃