She Dares To Say - #28: Authenticity Arena – No. 13
This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month, after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 [Image description: Text ‘Authenticity Arena No. 13’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke highlighted segment] The audio recording (above) and transcript (below) represent 17 minutes from a 55-minute chat Edem Barbara Ntumy had with me, Almaz Ohene. At present, I identify as a pansexual, Black (technically mixed; Black Ghanaian and white British) woman (cis), and at the time of interview in January 2023 I was 33, (turning 34 tomorrow, actually, so if you’re into special occasion gifting, I’d be extra happy to receive a donation towards this ‘She Dares to Say’ project via PayPal), engaging in a few consensually non-monogamous relationships and living in Manchester. Edem Barbara and I chatted extensively about why we so deeply cherish our sexual and reproductive freedom and why we’re committed to advocating for sex positivity. We agreed on how bewildering it all can often be; admitting that we’ve found our years and years and years of dating a whole lot of fun, yet, simultaneously, exasperating and fraught. Almaz note: Please do listen to the audio extract, while simultaneously following the text transcription, as it makes for a richer experience. Almaz – 25:05mins Almaz – 25:27mins Edem Barbara – 25:27mins Almaz – 25:29mins Almaz – 25:39mins Almaz – 27:12mins Edem Barbara – 28:20mins Almaz – 28:20mins Edem Barbara – 28:42mins Edem Barbara – 28:59mins Edem Barbara – 29:13mins Almaz – 29:25mins Edem Barbara – 29:25mins Almaz – 29:32mins Almaz – 29:45mins Edem Barbara – 29:45mins Almaz – 29:50mins Almaz – 29:58mins Almaz – 30:00mins Edem Barbara – 30:01mins Almaz – 30:09mins Edem Barbara – 30:29mins Almaz – 30:33mins Edem Barbara – 30:33mins Almaz Ohene – 30:39mins Edem – 30:42mins Almaz – 30:43mins Edem Barbara – 30:48mins Almaz Ohene – 30:48mins Edem Barbara – 30:52mins Almaz – 30:52mins Edem Barbara – 31:06mins Almaz Ohene – 31:11mins Edem Barbara – 31:20mins Edem Barbara – 31:26mins Almaz – 31:35mins Edem Barbara – 31:35mins Almaz Ohene – 31:56 mins Edem Barbara – 31:56mins Edem Barbara – 32:24mins Almaz – 32:24mins Edem Barbara – 32:39mins Edem Barbara – 32:55mins Edem Barbara – 33:09mins Almaz – 33:12 mins Edem Barbara – 33:40mins Almaz – 33:40mins So, I was just thinking that maybe a lot of the people that I was… no, I wasn’t even propositioning them, but, like, having an open dialogue with, like, “Shall we do some stuff?” Maybe that whole approach was just so alien that they just didn’t know what to do. Urm… So, that’s that. So, okay, then, guilt and shame. Umm, I don’t know, I think I’ve always enjoyed having, urm… I’ve always enjoyed my own fantasy sexual realm, and all the stuff that would just, like, be happening in my head as, like, a child and a teenager. I just always really enjoyed it. And none of it seemed weird or bad to me. So, I’ve never really felt guilt around having this interior sexual realm. Urm, I was brought up [coughs] in the Church where you’re not really supposed to do sex before marriage. But because I used to watch so many romcoms and, like, teen romcom where people do have sex, I knew that, in wider mainstream popular culture, having sex before marriage was fine. So, I knew that having sex before marriage was something that I would be doing. Urm… Sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought now. Ah, yeah, so, although the message I was getting from the Church was “Oh, no sex before marriage”. I had, kind of, already disregarded that tenant of the Church [scoffs] just because of mainstream popular culture. Edem Barbara – 35:59mins Edem Barbara – 36:02mins Edem Barbara – 36:13mins Almaz – 36:13mins Edem Barbara – 36:34mins Almaz – 36:34mins Edem – 36:57mins Almaz – 37:03mins Edem Barbara – 37:04mins Almaz – 37:04mins Edem – 37:56 mins Almaz – 38:26mins Edem Barbara – 38:33 mins Almaz – 38:38mins Edem Barbara – 39:11mins Almaz – 39:11mins Edem Barbara – 39:26mins And then I remember being a young girl, and a teenager, and having such visceral crushes on, like, TV stars and, like, I don’t know, like, men that were… young men that I knew, like, in my town and things like that. And I would, kind of, concoct all these situations to, kind of, happen upon these people in my town [chuckles]. Like, I’d find out… Edem Barbara – 40:20mins Almaz – 40:20mins Edem Barbara – 40:30mins Almaz – 40:30mins Edem Barbara – 40:40mins Almaz – 40:40mins Edem – 40:50mins Almaz – 41:01mins Edem Barbara – 41:20mins Almaz – 41:20mins Edem Barbara – 41:38mins Edem Barbara – 41:48mins Almaz – 41:49 Edem Barbara – 41:52 mins Almaz – 41:57mins Edem Barbara – 47:58mins Almaz – 41:58mins Edem Barbara – 42:17 mins Almaz – 42:22mins [CONVERSATION CONTINUES FOR ANOTHER 10 MINUTES] [Image description: White speech box with black border shadows. Black text ‘As part of my research for my book, I’m running an anonymous online sexuality survey’. Dark orange text ‘bit.ly/ao_sexsurvey’. Black text ‘Anyone over 18 can fill it in, wherever you are in the world.’ Picture of coloured rectangles placed at angles with black border shadows. White text ‘Do you have guilt or shame around desire, sex or pleasure? Why/why not? Do you support compulsory sex and relationships education?’ on top rectangle] I’ve actually filled in the survey myself three times so far, once in Feb 2021, which fed into mailout ‘#03: On writing realistic sex scenes’; again in May 2021 after I’d become comfortable in my rural, quiet and celibate life in Ghana; and most recently just last month in preparation my interview with Edem Barbara. Note: Paid subscribers will receive the ‘Postscript’ email as usual next Wednesday, which will feature my latest written responses to the survey questions. To upgrade to a paid subscription and receive all ‘She Dares To Say’ mailouts click here. [Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 8 February. To receive this extra mailout, you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription. [Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’ on navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] Recent work: This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. I know that hundreds of you open and read these mailouts month after month, after month (as Substack provides stats reporting), so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 You're currently a free subscriber to She Dares To Say. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. |
Key phrases
Older messages
#27: Authenticity Arena – No. 12
Wednesday, January 4, 2023
Listen now (13 min) | 'N', 31, gay, white Northern Irish, man (cis), single, Belfast
#26: Authenticity Arena – No. 11
Wednesday, December 7, 2022
Listen now (12 min) | 'M', 40, bisexual, white British, woman (cis), married to a woman with whom she has two adopted children, Greater Manchester
#25: Authenticity Arena – No. 10
Wednesday, November 2, 2022
Listen now (13 min) | 'L', 29, pansexual, white British, woman (cis), partnered, Glasgow
#24: Authenticity Arena – No. 09
Wednesday, October 5, 2022
'K', 31, heterosexual, Black British Caribbean, woman, (cis), single London
#23: Authenticity Arena – No. 08
Wednesday, September 7, 2022
Listen now (11 min) | 'J', 33, bisexual, Mixed-race (Indian and white British) woman (cis), single, Brighton
You Might Also Like
Can shoppy shops like Foxtrot be all things to all people?
Sunday, May 5, 2024
Well, it's complicated.
6-Second Sunday: On admiration, being useful, and managing expectations
Sunday, May 5, 2024
6 Ideas. 6 Second Skim. 6 Minute Read. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
RI#222 - Find valuable knowledge/Secbrain/Go to bed early?
Sunday, May 5, 2024
Hello people ! I'm Alex, the author of the Rabbit Ideas Newsletter. Every week I find useful resources online and share them with you. You can support what I do by upgrading to premium or if you
"Borrow" by Sarah McCartt-Jackson
Sunday, May 5, 2024
We borrow from the land what we can but cannot Facebook Twitter Instagram Poem-a-Day is reader-supported. Your gift today will help the Academy of American Poets continue to publish the work of 260
“TONGUE” (SHORT STORY)
Sunday, May 5, 2024
A young boy hurtles through a thick forest, pursued by a pack of angry boys. “Tongue” is a chilling short story about blindly following rituals and traditions, about the secrets that bind us together.
Princess Diana's One & Only Met Gala Appearance Is Still So Iconic
Sunday, May 5, 2024
Stunning.
45 Great Mother's Day Gifts for Your Wife That’ll Earn You Brownie Points
Saturday, May 4, 2024
Because she's a cool mom, not a regular mom. If you have trouble reading this message, view it in a browser. Men's Health The Check Out Welcome to The Check Out, our newsletter that gives you a
On love and desire, The Universe in Verse book, inside the creative process of beloved artists
Saturday, May 4, 2024
NOTE: This newsletter might be cut short by your email program. View it in full. If a friend forwarded it to you and you'd like your very own newsletter, subscribe here — it's free. Need to
The Week in Review
Saturday, May 4, 2024
Week of Apr 29 — Labor Loosens, Prices Pop, Inventory Inflates ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
100+ Best Way Day Deals to Shop for the Next 72 Hours
Saturday, May 4, 2024
Wayfair's annual sale is back! Here are the best finds to shop, according to editors. If you are unable to view the images in this email, click here. You don't have to wait until Black Friday