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Female Health & Fertility is a new digital magazine and online hub created to support women and non-binary people who are affected by gynecological and reproductive issues. Its magazine content focuses on all stages of the reproductive cycle, from young adults to post-menopausal folks and its features are written by gynecologists, clinicians, therapists, nutritionists, researchers, and also readers who are sharing their lived experiences.

I’ll be writing a monthly column called ‘Pleasure Principles with Almaz’, which will appear in the digital magazine each month. I’ll also be publishing it here for ‘She Dares To Say’ readers.

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Tips for improving your physical relationship that don’t involve sex

Skin-to-skin contact is vital not only for mental and emotional health but physical health, too. But partners can often forget that this includes all of the non-sexual ways we can touch each other as well. And the ability to be able to foster intimacy without sex is an often-overlooked part of relationship building. 

Imagine a situation where you and your partner/date are watching TV together on the sofa. One person reaches over to stroke their partner’s thigh and gently kisses their cheek. But the partner on the receiving end feels like if they let their partner continue touching them, then they’ll end up having sex, which would actually be fairly stressful and not what they want right now. So, they say “I’m not up for it tonight, I’m tired.” And the partner who initiated the touch might then feel unappreciated, or even rejected.

Lots of us will be able to relate to the scenario above, as it’s really common to get stuck in a dynamic where touching each other physically is a precursor to a sex session. But non-sexual acts of intimacy are really important elements of fulfilling relationships too. If physical touch is only sexual in nature, it can leave a person feeling objectified, and actually, if physical touch is expected to lead to sex each time, it’s likely to become less frequent, and often less sincere, too.

What can you do to encourage affectionate touch in your day-to-day lives?

• Wrap your arms around your partner in a close hug to say hello or bye

• Offer your partner a head massage, hand massage, back rub, foot rub, while watching TV together

• Slow dance to some of your favourite songs

• Offer your partner an ‘at-home spa treatment’ like applying a face mask or a manicure/pedicure

• Gently stroke each other while lying next to each other in bed

Note: Always remember to be mindful of consent, so make sure that the other person is comfortable before going ahead.

And if it’s more sex you’re after, then schedule it

It’s exciting when there’s some sex on the horizon, so let your partner/date know that you desire them by scheduling a sex date. This could just be a couple of hours one evening where you give each other your full attention (so no checking phones etc.). This might sound like you simply saying to your partner over dinner “Next Tuesday, we’re both free. Let’s make it a sex date!”

By being more intentional in our approaches to physical intimacy, we all reap the benefits!  

Next month’s column will look at the benefits of masturbation for those experiencing depression and/or anxiety due to polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis or hormone imbalances.

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I’m Almaz Ohene, a Creative Copywriter, Freelance Journalist and Accidental Sexpert.

Recent work:
– For SEXTECHGUIDE, I reviewed the kegel trainer, ‘Perifit’.
Content note: Review contains descriptions of me using the kegel trainer

Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs.

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If you’re planning a party or hen do where you’d like a focus on improving sensual creativity, sexual expression and intimate relationships please visit the workshop page on my website and click the ‘Request booking info’ button for more information.

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