My father was obsessed with air conditioning. Our big job as kids was to blast the AC for at least an hour before he returned from work. That way the living room would be frigid by the time his favorite program, Jeopardy, came on the air. If we failed in this mission, his ire was palpable. I never met someone less chill about keeping things chill.

Eventually, it occurred to me that one of the reasons he felt this way was because he had been a tank commander in the Israeli military in the late 1950’s. I can only imagine what that must have been like, sitting in the desert heat in a metal hotbox for hour upon hour, sweating his balls off. I imagine him fantasizing: “One day, I will live in America and make my children cool my home until it feels like a freezer!” And then, somehow, he made that a reality.

If you knew him, the idea my father was ever in the military was actually pretty absurd. He was one of the most gentle and passive people you could ever meet. He may have talked a tough game, but he was intensely shy and mostly just wanted to be left alone. The most worked up I’d ever see him was when he saw someone mistreating an animal. “How could anyone do that to something so innocent?” he would lament.

The deepest mud

Your Jewish friends are in a daze. They can’t believe you didn’t check in on them. “More people reached out to me about the mud at Burning Man than the attack on Israel,” said one shocked Jewish friend.

(Note: No need to contact me. By this point, I’ve just got a cut-and-paste text message spiel. Just read this and you’ll know.)

They are all calling each other and asking, “How are you doing with all of it?” There is no need to ask what “it” means. They are meeting, hugging, and crying. They can’t believe how many people seemed to think hostage taking, baby killing, sexual assault, and burning people alive was on any level “complicated.” They wonder what part of “they set fire to peace activists” is tough to denounce.

They feel like the world, on some level, thinks they deserved it. They remember the initial reaction, before bodies starting arriving at the morgues in Gaza, before Israel even dropped a bomb. They saw the celebrations, the calls for Intifadas, and the crowds chanting “Gas the jews.” So they wonder about the current outcry. Even if Israel behaved perfectly, would it ever be enough?

They thought what happened on October 7 was something you read about in history books, not what shows up as breaking news on your iPhone. All of a sudden, the cartoonishness of Jewish holidays (“this is how we suffered that time”) feels like, scratch that, is reality TV. They worry about the same thing Jews have always worried about throughout history: That it’s only a matter of time. One friend in NYC told me she’s started carrying a knife.

They’ve also never felt more Jewish. It’s like when Obama was asked on 60 Minutes about “deciding” to be black. Sure, he had a white mom, but when he couldn’t catch a cab or when white folks assumed he was the help, that’s when he knew.

STEVE KROFT: Yet at some point, you decided that you were black?
BARACK OBAMA: Well, I’m not sure I decided it. I think if you look African-American in this society, you’re treated as an African-American.

Sometimes society decides who you are. And that’s been a wakeup call to a lot of Jews. It doesn’t matter if they go to synagogue – or even if they believe at all. When the darkness descends, it doesn’t ask questions. There is no “How Jewish are you?” quiz. It just drops.

Even those who are half a world away, in what they thought was a “safe space,” who have spent their entire lives trying to fit in, are realizing they may be, somehow, irrevocably different. And for the first time ever, they are saying “we” when referring to Israel.

The killed become the killers

They see their moral high ground vanishing too. They’ve gone immediately from being killed to becoming killers. What a whiplash. They do not wish for this brutality. Their dominant emotion is sadness, not vengeance.

They feel like the target of some sick joke. One father of a hostage was interviewed by Israeli soldiers:

“Two army officers came to my house yesterday,” Mr. Avigdori said on Sunday. “We sat for an hour. They offered to help us with anything we need, like shopping. At the end, one said: ‘Time for updates.’”

“And you know what?” Mr. Avigdori continued with a look of incredulity spreading across his face. “The officer took out a notebook, flipped to a blank page, and said: ‘Tell me what you know.’ And I was like: Aren’t you supposed to tell me what you know?”

Kafkaesque. Also: Never has it made more sense that Kafka was a Jew.

Sadly, they know Jews are delivering cruel puzzles too. “Evacuate now!” Israel commands people with nowhere to go, making Gaza the world’s worst escape room.

They listen to the kibbutz episode of The Daily podcast and weep. They listen to the Gaza one and weep even more.

They wonder why no one is mentioning that Hamas should surrender. Or release the hostages. Feels like that could be a pretty good way to avoid more dead Palestinians, no? They’re realizing being a death cult is a pretty good geopolitical strategy since everyone just goes, “Well, we can’t reason with those guys so...”

They know crushed Palestinian bodies will continue to emerge. Yet they also feel like there’s no way to stop it. Did you have a way to stop America from rampaging after 9/11? Israel’s incompetent government and ashamed military isn’t about to do some “patience is a virtue” thing. Plus: hostages. The train has already left the station.

“Look at our history,” they bemoan. How many wars have Jews started? All they’ve ever done is get murdered, pogromed, and evicted. When, if ever, are they allowed to fight back? They feel like no one understands history. Is that ignorance willful?

They know what Israel has done to the Palestinians too. They know what happens when you kill 20 of theirs for each one of yours, when you trap people in confinement, without hope, for decades. They understand steam that can’t escape.

Pain is pain. Trauma is trauma. Dead babies are dead babies.

They’d prefer a righteous path but don’t know what it is. How does one respond when faced with a death cult that does not care about anyone’s life (including their own and those of other Palestinians)? How should a military attack a force that uses human shields? What can be done when the enemy puts bombs in hospitals and schools? And why are they the ones forced to solve such impossible riddles? Why won’t Egypt let them in? Why won’t the Arab world ever help?

They see the horrid effects of the blockade yet also wonder what weapons Hamas might have had without one. And they all know this phrase: "If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more ‎violence. If the Jews put ‎down their weapons ‎today, there would be no ‎more Israel.” How many times can they be attacked before deciding restraint is not the answer? And how many times can they be expected to offer peace and be rejected before giving up?

They are in group chats sharing memes and propaganda. (When it comes to propaganda, social media ain’t got nothing on the WhatsApp group chat.) They hear the media saying, “Hamas does not represent the Palestinians.” But then they see a meme that 57% of Gazans support Hamas and 71% support Jihad.

And they see this video of prepubescent children in Gaza being taught to spew hatred (before the recent attacks):

"Right now, I am prepared to be a suicide bomber." "With Allah's help, I will fight for ISIS, the Islamic State." "I am ready to stab a Jew and drive a car over them." "We have to constantly stab them, drive over them, and shoot them." "Stabbing and running over Jews brings dignity to the Palestinians."

All that from the mouths of babes.

How can you negotiate with that? So they wait for eternity for a Mandela, Gandhi, or MLK that will never arrive.

And that means they are forced to embrace brutal mathematics. If Israel doesn’t respond, attacks will keep happening. If Israel responds too harshly, they are war criminals. So what is the proper amount of violence to inflict? If no deaths in Gaza means more attacks, but tens of thousands makes Israel a global pariah, what is the right amount? How does one calculate that? And what does even asking that question do the questioner?

Peace out

My father actually grew up in Palestine, a resident before the state of Israel even existed, back when Jews and Palestinians lived side-by-side. My grandmother used to insist her grandfather was one of the first pharmacists in all of Palestine.

I’d sometimes ask my dad about his feelings on the conflict. Often, he’d defend the Palestinians. He had no hate for them. But also, he’d advise there is no solution. He said, “You can’t make peace with people who don’t want it.”

He was not a violent man. He served not because he was militaristic, but because he had to do it. His biggest desire was to be left alone. Actually, that could describe most Jews. The front lines of the IDF are a bunch of dudes who’d rather be at Burning Man than attacking tunnels in Gaza City.

Israel was supposed to be the place Jews would know they’re safe. Yet here they are again. Same as it ever was.

I keep thinking about those kids at, oh man, can you even believe it was called the Festival of Peace and Love? I’ve been to an all-night dance party in Israel and can tell you most of them were on drugs.

Can you imagine watching the sun rise, rolling on MDMA or whatever, vibing with the music, laughing with your friends, and then…looking up in the sky to see paragliders who start raining death upon you, running for your life straight into an ambush where more terrorists gun down everyone around you and– eh, we all know the rest by now.

Could there be a greater swing from peak joy to pit of fear? What happens to a brain that wildly switches from serotonin and ecstasy to adrenaline and agony that way? It is simply unimaginable. One second they were touching G-d, the next they were swimming through hell.

How could anyone do that to something so innocent?

And when the innocents decide they must retaliate, what else could you expect?

And, perhaps most dangerous of all, what if everyone involved thinks they are the innocents?

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Quickies

The TOO SOON edition (aka the TRIGGER WARNING edition)

Seriously, stop reading now if you can’t handle dark jokes about all this. This is my way of processing, alright?

🎯 Been studying the root causes of the Israel-Palestine conflict and realizing all those dudes obsessed with the Roman Empire were kinda onto something.

🎯 Compromise idea: Jews get the hostages back and Hamas gets control of Hollywood. Maybe they can figure out how how to make money from streaming. Those actor’s strike negotiations gonna take on a whole different vibe too.

🎯 Paragliders!? After watching all those training videos, I really thought the attack woulda come via monkey bars.

🎯 I liked it better when world events happened and not everyone had to make a statement about it. Like, I don't need Goldbelly to tell me its official position on war crimes. They can just send me my Nom Wah dumplings without bringing geopolitics into it.

🎯 Chopping a baby in half? Like King Solomon advised? C’mon, that’s a Jewish story. On top of everything else, Hamas is out here culturally appropriating and stealing our I.P.

🎯 I hate to give PR advice to Hamas but "we didn't decapitate the babies, we just murdered them" is not the great talking point they think it is.

🎯 A Jewish friend noted that the only non-Jews to reach out and check in on him were Hindu. So shoutout to Hinduism for teaching WWJD better than Christianity.

🎯 “What if they try an attack like that here?” You can’t get that many dudes in America who are willing to die. That’s the nice thing about capitalism. As soon as you taste Arby’s, shop at Costco, and go to a strip club, you’re like, "I’m still mad but I’m not, like, martyrdom mad.”

🎯 Great time to notice that social media is a platform for mental illness delivered in the form of moral superiority.

🎯 I was talking about psychedelics, I swear…

🎯 Good time to reach out to any Jew you used to have a crush on under the guise of "Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you're doing with everything."

🎯 Bad time to be on Team Intelligence Agencies Don't Matter.

🎯 The killing of innocent civilians is, by definition, always tragic. You can tell because of the words “innocent” and “civilian.”

🎯 “He started it.” “No, HE started it.” We grow up yet never leave the playground.

🎯 “But you’ll lose followers if you post that.” Whatever. Reminds me of Larry David’s response when asked if he was worried about alienating Trump supporters: "Alienate yourselves! Go and alienate. You have my blessing."

🎯 It is absurd to hold all citizens responsible for the actions of their government. I know this because I live in a country that elected Donald Trump and all I ever wanna do is scream, “It’s not my fault!”

Comedy

🃏 I post clips of my standup (and more) at Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube.

🃏 Check out my other newsletter that’s all about the craft of doing standup: Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. Recent posts there…

• How to talk about politics without losing the crowd

• How we often emulate the wrong people

• The "really good" Ira Glass note Mike Birbiglia gave to Gary Gulman

• How scared should comedians be of AI?

• …and more

🃏 NYC? I’ve got two weekly shows: Every Tuesday night I’m at Comedy Cellar (10:30pm show called Hot Soup at the Fat Black venue there). Every Wednesday night I’m at NY Comedy Club (8pm show called Good Eggs at the East Village location – discount code: scrambled). You can RSVP for either at the club’s website. Also, I do a one-man show called Misguided Meditation and other standup spots around town, but those are always TBD so check my Calendar (“link in bio”) or just hit me up and say “Where are you upcoming?” if you want in on that. 

🃏 Listen to my podcast:

Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby Stereoactive Media 30 episodes

5-spotted

🗯 Taylor Swift and teenage bedrooms. A gorgeous piece by Taffy Brodesser-Akner.

It’s a form of dancing I haven’t done in front of anyone for years; it’s the kind of thing I used to do with a group of other young women or girls when there were no boys around, or at least no boys we cared to impress. That’s what this entire concert reminded me of — time I spent in my own teenage bedroom, singing songs and pinballing between sexy stripper moves and goofy square dancing. Maybe that’s what Eras really is: the acknowledgment of girls as people to memorialize, of who we are and who we were, all existing in the same body, on the same timeline. You are your sluttiest version, your silliest version, your most wholesome, your smartest, your dumbest, your saddest, your happiest — all at once.

🗯 We need to rethink party primaries and bring back negotiation.

A legislature is an arena for negotiation, where differences are worked out through bargains. But our polarized political culture treats deals with the other party as betrayals of principle and failures of nerve. Traditionally, winning an election to Congress has meant winning a seat at the negotiating table, where you can represent the interests and priorities of your voters. Increasingly, it has come instead to mean winning a prominent platform for performative outrage, where you can articulate your voters’ frustrations with elite power and show them that you are working to disrupt the uses of that power.

🗯 Good bit on the food we daydream about but will never cook (via Stephanie Danler).

In Ruby Tandoh’s Cook as You Are, her highly personal collection of musings and recipes, she has a piece called “Food for the Thirty-Second of Neverember,” which is what she calls the food we daydream about but will never cook. Tandoh is drawn to this habit because of how aspirational it feels, to the “pleasure in the dream itself.” She also explains that “this wishful thinking is . . . how we get acquainted with our appetites and, by extension, ourselves.” This explains the sumptuous photography of most cookbooks, the highly stylized still life that might be your own life. If only all of it were different.  

🗯 Ted Gioa on how we can avoid cultural stagnation.

I love the tradition, but it’s not healthy when everything new is old. The whole culture is currently obsessed with brand franchises that are carryovers from the previous millennium. I’m convinced that audiences want something fresher than this—but risk-averse corporations won’t even give it a chance.

🗯 Sara Campbell on fire.

Listening to the fire made me feel alive, and curious, and full of wonder for all the ways the conditions of our lives are constantly changing…

And it hit me at that moment that keeping a fire alive is a perfect metaphor for staying in tune with yourself. You don’t just start a fire and then peace out and enjoy it forever. A fire requires tending and maintenance. It needs wood to burn and a steady flow of oxygen, and it needs to be protected from the elements and other forces that would drown or snuff or blow it out. 

So too does the fire within us. It’s a subtle noise that is easy to tune out and it can die down to an ember if we’re not paying attention. However, unlike a real fire, as long as we are living, it never actually dies. It can always be rekindled. 

Thanks/leave a comment/write me/subscribe/share/eat a sundae/keep that fire burning. I appreciate you.

Peace,
Matt