RadReads​ - The dark side of achievement culture

“If I could push a magic button and choose either happiness or success for my children, I’d pick happiness in a second.”

Sadly, this magic button doesn’t exist.

And as parents — and individuals — we’re faced with a herculean task.

Option 1, lean into the traditional path of success. Double-down on academics, get that dream job and work your butt off.

Or Option 2 — figure out what it means to lead a happy life. (Yup, lots of philosophy and spirituality are required).

What do we pick for our kids?

What do we pick for ourselves?

This week's episode of The Examined Life podcast asks the question: Is achievement culture killing our kids?

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Are you looking to contemplate deep, introspective and provocative questions about achievement culture (with Khe and likeminded peers)?

My Top 3 Takeaways

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Watch your negativity bias
​Children are deeply susceptible to negativity and internalize it much more than adults. Remember this when you criticize, challenge and punish kids.

→ Watch the clip​

Actions speak louder than words
​Children are masters at understanding double-speak. If you say you “don’t care about them going to Yale” — yet you have paraphernalia all over the house, they absorb a completely different message.

→ Watch the clip​

Everyone wants to be seen
​This feels a bit strange writing, because my old mantra was “Don’t rely on anybody but yourself.” But that cut me off from others and led me to emotionally disassociate. At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel seen and loved. Kids. Partners. You.

→ Watch the clip​

My favorite quote: Be a "puppy dog" parent

Why is this episode important to me?

I’m a recovering overachiever.

Achievement and ambition have been a double-edged sword for me.

Achievement has brought so much to our lives — financial, material and psychological.

And it’s also brought a lot of pain.

I want to try my best to show my kids the great parts of achievement while being transparent about the sinister side.

Want to dig deeper?

I highly recommend Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic--and What We Can Do About It, here’s my summary.

Much love fam,

Khe

PS This is our first podcast newsletter. Hit reply and tell us what you think.

PPS Shout out to Kristin Joys for introducing me to this book.

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