On the road

🃏 Yo. I’ll be slinging jokes on the road upcoming (including European dates). Ticket info here. And I’ll be taping a special in NYC on April 21 so come through for that if you’re in town.

🃏 NYC shows:

• Tuesdays in NYC: HOT SOUP at Comedy Cellar (Tickets)

• Wednesdays in NYC: GOOD EGGS at NY Comedy Club (Tickets)

• Mar 29 - New York, NY - Mood Board @ Gospel (Tickets)

• Apr 21 - New York, NY - NY Comedy Club (Special taping/tickets)

🃏 More info and clips of my standup at Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube

🃏 My other newsletter is Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

Quickies

🎯 The eyes are the window to the soul? Nah, someone’s medicine cabinet is the window to their soul.

🎯 Look, we all know that Prince Harry is not actually Charles’s son. Anyone with eyes can see his real father is Frank Sinatra.

🎯 Most of my life is now spent trying to convince the algorithm I don't like things that I secretly like too much.

🎯 Anytime I watch Sex and the City, I wind up ending every conversation like Carrie typing a question. Like, someone asked if I have any cookie dough. My reply: “We know it might make us sick, yet we still want it raw. I couldn’t help but wonder: Why are we so attracted to cookie dough?”

🎯 I’ll believe you’re truly “brave” if you live in Brooklyn and you're NOT fluid or poly.

🎯 I don't mind having a shaved head until people gimme a "you look like..." because it's usually one of the following:
- Pitbull
- Andrew Tate
- David Cross
- The energy vampire from What We Do In The Shadows

🎯 "The other day I did a podcast without microphones!"
"You mean you had a conversation?"

🎯 The nice thing about being an artist in medieval times is you didn't have to deal with a bunch of amateurs constantly spouting, "Whatever, I could do that."

🎯 Alpha MAGA?

🎯 "The robots are going to enslave us." Um, what makes you think they haven't already? (Btw, I didn't expect the most brutally honest assessment of how much screen addiction is rewiring our brains to come from ESPN’s Adam Schefter but…)

🎯 Life hack: Schedule your colonoscopy during Ramadan and you can get a fasting 2-for-1.

🎯 I don't even have haters. I just have ignorers.

🎯 Advice: Don't show up to a comedy show with someone you're not supposed to be seen with. Those days are over. There's now a 75% chance you're gonna wind up on social media in a crowdwork clip and someone's gonna send your aunt a video of you with your mistress and/or gay lover.

More thoughts on Israel/Gaza...