Crooked Media - What A Day: 62,657 golden high-tops

—Right-wing activist Charlie Kirk, fretting over whether Trump can raise enough cash to beat Biden.

Trump’s bizarre pocketbook problems led a dizzying news cycle this week. But in the noise, there’s a signal: It’s a MAGA financial meltdown. 
 

• Not only has disgraced former President Donald Trump averaged $90,000 a day in legal fees for three years, but his campaign now says it can’t keep pace with President Joe Biden’s fundraising. In February, the Trump campaign only raised $20 million. That’s $5 million short of what Biden just raised in just one star-studded Thursday night in New York City. Trump, of course, has been trying everything he can to earn more dough, including selling golden hightops, hawking NFTs, and repping a God Bless The USA Bible. But he’s got his work cut out for him. That $5 million gap with Biden adds up to 416,736 Bibles, or 62,657 sneakers (math via CNN).
   

• Now, it is true that Trump earned billions on paper when his Truth Social network began trading on the stock market on Monday. But he’ll have a hard time accessing those funds anytime soon, for technical and legal reasons. Meanwhile, financial analysts have been quick to point out that the company’s skyrocketing market valuation is untethered to the reality of its dismal, almost nonexistent business prospects. “I’m reasonably confident the stock price will eventually drop to $2 a share and could even go below that,” one finance professor told CNN this week—a forecast that would mean a 97 percent collapse from Friday’s closing price. 
   

• Trump’s not the only MAGA high roller with money problems. Lawyers for Rudy Giuliani, the longtime Trump lawyer, asked a bankruptcy court not to force the ex-New York City mayor to sell his Florida condo, lest he—and this is a real quote—“join the ranks of the homeless.” In a motion filed in the US bankruptcy court of Southern New York on Thursday, Giuliani’s lawyers argue that since he has already agreed to sell his Manhattan co-op to help raise funds to pay down debts, including the expedited $148 million dollars payment to two Georgia election workers, Giuliani needs someplace affordable to live. Specifically, someplace with a podcast studio. Giuliani, meanwhile, was reportedly overheard in Mar-a-Largo saying he feels trapped in a “nightmare world.”
   

• The far-right pillow guy is in trouble, too! Not that he’d admit it. “We’re fine,” said My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell after a court Wednesday ordered My Pillow’s eviction from a suburban Minneapolis warehouse. Lindell’s company is at least $217,489.74 behind on rent. This is just the latest financial shitstorm to hit Lindell, a man who has already spent $40 million of his own dollars in a quixotic attempt to overturn the 2020 election. In January, Fox News stopped running My Pillow commercials, in February, a Federal judge said Lindell couldn’t squelch on a $5 million dollar promise, and now the $1.3 billion defamation lawsuit brought against him by Dominion voting has reportedly entered the discovery phase. 

Lucky for Trump advisors and the Trump faithful, the Grifter-in-Chief is promising to hold the biggest fundraiser ever next week, April 6th, in Mar-a-Lago.

Which job do you think involves more improv about immigration policy, starring in Veep or working at the real White House? On a new episode of Inside 2024, actor and former White House staffer Kal Penn joins Dan Pfeiffer and Alyssa Mastromonaco to talk about their time in the White House together and how accurate shows like The West Wing and Veep really are. To get access to this Friends of the Pod subscription series and others, head to crooked.com/friends now.

Another key inflation figure dipped slightly last month, the government said Friday. Good news!... right? Tell that to the 63 percent of Americans who say high prices are still a serious hardship. Ah… the Biden vibecession!

What's with the gap between what economists have been saying about inflation lately, and what everyone else feels? For one thing, inflation may be down, but it’s not dead. Gas prices jumped 3.8 percent in February, while airfare rose 3.6 percent. The cost of clothing and housing also ticked upwards. And companies—Cheers, guys, appreciate you!—are still passing inflated prices on to consumers. Those with the lowest incomes are often hit hardest. Former Presidents Obama and Clinton acknowledged this at Biden’s fundraiser in New York. Obama said: “If you're working hard, and your paycheck is getting stretched beyond the breaking point, and you're worried about rent, and you're concerned about the price of gas, it's understandable.” 

Furthermore, people are still feeling the pain from the truly gargantuan increases of the recent past. The combined inflation rate for three key essentials—gas, rent, and food at home—reached a staggering 18% in 2022, according to Axios. It’s a lot to expect people to just get over a shock like that anytime soon—even if recent numbers are finally looking less dire. 

It’s been a year since Evan Gershkovich was imprisoned in Russia. His sentence was extended until June. Let our Evan go—and the six Russian journalists arrested this week, too. 

A crane that can lift up to 1000 tons has been deployed to the Port of Baltimore to help with the clean-up from the bridge collapse. Pieces of the bridge weigh as much as 4000 tons. 

Gambia could reverse its ban on female genital mutilation because erasing women’s right to bodily autonomy and safety while limiting access to physical joy has always been a global pastime. 

House GOP leaders will send articles of impeachment for Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas to the Senate in a high-stakes game of tag.    

Social media use is trending down, down, down, and Twitter’s lost the most users. Yes, I dead named X with my full chest.

A Telegram user advertising on X says they’ll make an AI-generated pornographic image of a real person for $10. Sigh. Nonconsensual AI-porn: Not just for celebrities anymore.  

Indigenous peoples of New Zealand, Tahiti, and the Cook Islands signed a treaty conferring personhood to whales, even though, arguably, whales are better. 

Cereal was one of the best parts of being a kid, but lots of us had to give it up when we realized there was a better way to start the day. Enter Magic Spoon.  Magic Spoon's tasty, fun, and high protein cereals will take you right back to your childhood, but with no added sugar or artificial ingredients. With 13-14g of protein, 4-5g net carbs, and ZERO sugar in each serving, you can turn back time with classic flavors like Fruity, Cocoa, Frosted, and Peanut Butter—or try cult faves like Blueberry Muffin, Maple Waffle, and Birthday Cake. 

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Beyonce’s country album has been living in the world for most of a day. Listen as one Queen pays homage to another. (Fun reminder: the banjo is Black.) 

Love is Blind Season 6’s Chelsea Blackwell launches merch: We’ve all been a Megan Faux at some point in our lives. Reclaim the shame!  

Fluffle, the word for a group of bunnies, has been Wiki-wished into existence.

International Day of Trans Visibility is Sunday, March 31. A moment to say: We see you. We love you. You bring us joy!