What A Day: Scared of his own shadow war

Iran launched an attack on Israel in response to Israel’s earlier strike on an Iranian consulate, as the Middle East lurched closer to an all-out regional war. The question now becomes how Israel will respond.

• Iran’s retaliatory strike on Saturday brought the two countries’ long-running shadow conflict bursting into the light. The move followed Israel’s April 1 airstrike on an Iranian diplomatic outpost in the Syrian capital of Damascus that killed two senior Iranian generals. Israeli officials said the Iranian attack included more than 300 missiles and drones, and the incident marks the first time Iran had launched a direct attack on Jerusalem. Yet despite the large show of firepower, the Iranian barrage did very little damage. Twenty-five of the 30 cruise missiles launched toward Israel were intercepted by Israeli fighter jets, and none were able to enter the country. Israel Defense Forces spokesperson Rear Adm. Daniel Hagari said a “few” of the nearly 120 ballistic missiles fired towards the country fell inside its borders, causing slight damage to infrastructure on the Nevatim Air Force Base, which remains fully operational. 

• The assault critically injured a 10-year-old girl, but caused no other casualties, according to Hagari. U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin said in a statement late Saturday that the U.S. military shot down “dozens” of missiles headed for Israel from Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Yemen. The statement, in part, read: “We condemn these reckless and unprecedented attacks by Iran and its proxies, and we call on Iran to immediately halt any further attacks, including from its proxy forces, and to de-escalate tensions. We do not seek conflict with Iran, but we will not hesitate to act to protect our forces and support the defense of Israel.”

• Iran issued a statement saying that its military action was in response to the Israeli airstrike in Damascus, and said that Tehran now considers the matter “concluded.” President Biden spoke to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and reaffirmed the United States’ Commitment to Israeli Security. However, Biden told Netanyahu that the United States would not participate in any Israeli counter-offensive against Iran, multiple outlets reported citing unnamed U.S. officials. Biden said he told the Prime Minister that Israel has “demonstrated a remarkable capacity to defend itself.” Israel’s war cabinet weighed its response to the attack on Monday.  

The Supreme Court announced on Monday that it would not hear Mckesson vs. Doe, leaving in place a lower court decision that effectively eliminates the right to mass protest in three states: Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas. The lower court decision ruled that a protest organizer is liable for potentially life-ruining financial consequences if even one attendee at a mass protest breaks the law. The Court did not embrace—but crucially, nor did it reverse—the Fifth Circuit decision attacking the First Amendment right to protest. It’s one step further to what Crooked contributor Max Fisher calls “state-level electoral autocracy” that’s advanced in the United States with frightening speed. 

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was MIA from session on Monday with no explanation. Talk about job security!

The White House announced on Monday it opposes a standalone bill funding Israel without the inclusion of funding for Taiwan and Ukraine. 

GOP House Speaker Mike Johnson said on Monday he plans to advance the heavily-stalled national security spending package to aid Israel, Taiwan, Ukraine, and other U.S. allies in the lower chamber this week.

Tesla laid off more than 10 percent of its global workforce as sales continue to fall. Maybe they should consider not having an erratic billionaire who won’t stop saying the dumbest shit imaginable as CEO. Just a thought!

The FBI has opened a criminal investigation into the devastating collision of a container ship into Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge that brought down the pivotal structure last month, the Washington Post reported, citing two U.S. officials. Republicans are crossing their fingers that the investigation will prove their theory that the driver of the container ship was a DEI initiative wearing a monocle. 

Many of the world’s coral reefs turned a sickly shade of white in what scientists are calling the fourth “global bleaching event” of the past thirty years. Bleaching is triggered by water temperature anomalies, and ocean-surface temperatures have been breaking records for over a year.

Typical children’s vitamins are basically candy in disguise — filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy junk growing kids should never eat. That’s why Hiya was created — the pediatrician-approved superpowered chewable vitamin.

Hiya is made with zero sugar and zero gummy junk, yet it tastes
great and is perfect for picky eaters. Hiya fills in the most common gaps in modern children’s diets to provide the full-body
nourishment our kids need with a yummy taste they love.

Formulated with the help of nutritional experts, Hiya is pressed with a blend of twelve organic fruits and veggies, then supercharged with fifteen essential vitamins and minerals, including vitamin D, B12, C, Zinc, Folate, and many others to help support immunity, energy, brain function, mood, concentration, teeth, bones, and more.

It’s non-GMO, vegan, dairy-free, allergy-free, gelatin-free, nut-free and everything else you can imagine.

Hiya is designed for kids of all ages and sent straight to your door so parents have one less thing to worry about.

As a special deal for WAD readers, receive 50% off your first order and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Disgraced former congressman George Santos keeps threatening a political comeback, but can’t raise any money. We assume he will try again soon but this time wearing a fake mustache.