Speaking of Father’s Day…

That’s my dad (left) with his father.

About my father: He was a Ronald Reagan loving Republican, a criminal prosecutor, and a proud Israeli who served as a tank commander in the IDF. Basically, he was everything social media loves to hate.

The thing is, in person, he was a teddy bear with a deep love for animals who married a leftist, bohemian poet/sculptor. He loved model trains, the Marx Brothers, James Bond, True cigarettes, Johnny Cash, and Leonard Cohen. His favorite thing to do at the end of his life was sing “Amazing Grace” with his song circle. His bellowing laugh whenever he watched Steven Wright is probably why I was fascinated with comedy from a young age. People are complicated, y’know?

If you’re curious, I wrote more about him here and here and here. And I talked about him and my mom on ep 6 of my Kind of a Lot podcast.

FYI, my father was born in Tel Aviv. That photo up top is him in his IDF uniform in the 1950’s. His father was also born there – as was his father. That history is one reason I’m confounded by people who say Jews in Israel should “go back to where they came from.” Um, okay.

Speaking of confusing…

They’re going after the people in charge of the Brooklyn Museum!? Crazy. It's a white guilt epicenter and literally the most woke museum I've ever visited. (I live nearby and have been a bunch of times.) Exhibit after exhibit there strives painfully hard to be diverse, intersectional, feminist, etc. In fact, last time I went there was a zine fair with tons of kiosks offering up progressive propaganda (see below).

Yet they got Jews on the board so the anti-Israel radicals decided to break out the red paint and go faux-Kristallnacht on ‘em. Sigh.

You can definitely be anti-Zionist without being anti-semitic. However, for many, it seems to be a surprisingly difficult needle to thread.

Something these protesters need to clock: The best path is to attack enemies, not allies. Heckling at comedy shows, vandalizing Brooklyn Museum higher-ups, and blocking the Pride parade ain’t moving the needle when their real foes are Halliburton, AIPAC, Exxon, Itamar Ben-Gvir, etc. All these clowns are doing is making those who might agree with them think they’re a**holes.

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Same same but different is the climate change activists who keep throwing soup cans at Rembrandts. 1) No one comes around to someone’s way of thinking because they defaced a masterpiece. 2) People who understand the difference between impressionism and abstract expressionism aren’t the ones defending coal mining. If you wanna get your activism on effectively, go throw some mulligatawny on a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. mural or do a sit-in at the parking lot of a Kid Rock show.

All this is why you should never invite me to a drag queen performance. It’s not that I have beef with drag queens, it’s that every time I’ve gone, they’re always extremely mean to me or some other normie dude. Invariably, they single out the one shy, straight guy who got dragged there by his girlfriend and pick on him mercilessly: “Come to the stage, little heteroboy!” And then they mock him, dump a bucket of ice on his head, and/or throw fake vomit on him. (Yes, I’m still pissed about the dry cleaning bill from last time.) I get it, queens – you’re mad at the patriarchy and this is your shot at revenge. However, straight dudes at drag shows in Manhattan are not the problem. Go do all that at a school board meeting in Tulsa. Those are the people you actually have a problem with.

And while I’m venting, that whole “The Alitos and Roberts discuss politically sensitive topics in secret recordings by liberal activist” story was creepy AF. My political views include being against SECRETLY TAPING PEOPLE AT PARTIES. Because I will literally say anything to get weird people to stop talking to me at a party. "Sure, yeah, place of godliness, that’s what America needs. [Looks around desperately.] Oh, look. There's the guy with the pigs in blankets. Gotta jet, byeeeee."

I know, I keep going after lefties here. Blame my dad if ya want. But honestly, it’s because these MAGA kooks are on their way to running the country and I’m sick of watching Team Blue acting the fool in a way that’s just cementing our descent into fascism. For the love of democracy: Get it together, people.

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Brat Pack

This is the only mention of Andrew McCarthy in that Brat Pack article:

For actors so imbued with the ensemble spirit, the Brat Pack members are out for themselves. “Sean is crazy with all of his role preparations, becoming the character in every way,” one says. And of Andrew McCarthy, one of the New York–based actors in St. Elmo’s Fire, a co-star says, “He plays all his roles with too much of the same intensity. I don’t think he’ll make it.” The Brat Packers save their praise for themselves.

It took him 30+ years to get over that? Dude, your acting style was compared to Sean Penn. It could be worse.

Brat Pack was a clever nickname and cleverness sticks so really the entire issue is with people’s weird affection for phrases that rhyme. (See: God/Eve/Steve.)

Btw, ya want a million dollar idea? Turn "The Breakfast Club" into a play. It's already set in a single location. And ya can make it multiracial so it's "modernized." Guarantee ya 18 Tony noms and packed houses.

Comedy

🃏 Get jokes, info, and clips of my standup via social media: Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube.

🃏 My other newsletter is Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. It’s about doing standup.

🃏 Listen to my podcast: Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby. New ep just dropped!

🃏 Road dates coming up: Arlington (VA), Boston, and Victoria (BC). Ticket info.

Quickies

🎯 I have never in my life successfully turned a hotel shower faucet to hot on the first try.

🎯 Tall guys are just short guys who've been told "yes" their entire lives.

🎯 I'm so dyslexic that I had sex with a woman, found her c-spot, and then she had a baby via g-section.

🎯 We all hate kids who never had to endure anything tough yet we all try to raise kids who never have to endure anything tough.

🎯 Astrology? Of course when you were born matters...because that’s the weather your parents had to deal with when they took you home. For example: BORN IN DECEMBER = your parents were freezing for the first three months of your life so you are a stubborn, cold person. It adds up! #capricorn

🎯 Get ready for a ton of Ozempic Olympics puns.

🎯 After listening to multiple interviews with Jerry Seinfeld, I’m starting to think he bought stock in Marcus Aurelius and is now trying to pump up the price.

🎯 Everyone in Boulder dresses like a 5K might break out at any moment. Chill out. It’s very rare that you have to go on an emergency hike. Still, it sure is pretty there:

Tech fouls

💾 Crazy thing about the tech world Is the negative consequences are always unintended yet somehow the positive profits are always completely deserved. Neat trick that.

💾 TikTok said, "Your network is unstable." And now I'm convinced China really is spying on us 'cuz that's totally the best word to describe my friend group.

💾 Three simple changes to tech that would improve society immensely:

1. Let me opt out of the algorithm.

2. Let me reject all cookies.

3. Let me export my data/social network so I can switch apps.

💾 Before you engage with a stranger on social media, remember they are most likely a child, mentally ill, or an imbecile.

💾 Not everything needs to be a video. Also: There should be more pop up podcasts. 5-10 eps, get in and get out. Not everything has to last forever.

💾 I just want my phone to be in low power mode all the time. It’s weird how much Apple does not want me to have this. Apple, don’t sweat it: You can steal my data slowly. No need to rush.

💾 A.I. is a crappy artist that takes requests. It's basically the digital version of a wedding DJ.

Sports bombs

💣 Need another show biz gem? Here you go:

Someone get me a pitch meeting.

💣 Related: I don't want to know about a team "zeroing in," "circling," or "targeting" a coach/player. This is a sports team, not a shark. Just tell me when the contract is signed. Up 'til then, I'm good.

💣 It’s just another sign we’ve entered the age of fractional news. “Is it news?” “Not yet, but it might be!”

💣 Also: When the hell is someone gonna write the think piece that compares Taylor Swift to Caitlin Clark? Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here!?

Drugz

💮 7th grade. Teacher told us LSD could give you flashbacks: “20 years later it might hit you. Out of nowhere, you could drive off the side of the road.” My mom picked me up from school that day. I asked if she had ever taken LSD. “Yes.” “More than once?” “Yes.” Then, I very carefully buckled my seat belt and we rode off.

💮 It’s legal to use psychedelics for religious purposes which is great because taking psychedelics is my religion.

💮 Jesus turned water into wine. Jews leave wine outside for the Prophet Elijah. Catholics drink wine with wafers. Lesson: To see the light, ya gotta be lit.

💮 All drugs are not the same. We need a separate category for drugs that you can’t overdose on. Otherwise it’s like lumping together cyanide and baking soda.

💮 Whoever coined the phrase “hugs not drugs” clearly never took Molly.

5-spotted

🗯️ Beloved buildings aren’t always immediately embraced.

The Eiffel Tower is a great example of a structure that was completely despised. The moment that it was built and conceived, it was critiqued for its hostility to the skyline of Paris. Now, it’s unimaginable to think of the skyline of Paris without the Eiffel Tower.

🗯️ Why high school kids use their phones so much: self-soothing.

We use our phones to numb ourselves. I know that’s so wrong and people are always taken aback by that comment, but it’s so true.

🗯️ Playwright Annie Baker is “still grappling with the philosophy of film editing.”

If you break certain rules of editing—eyeline stuff, or if you cut from one scene to another—there are things that are just wrong. I’ve never experienced anything like it, where there’s no subjectivity. There’s a certain kind of cut that will be an abomination to every person on the planet because of something your brain knows about time and perspective. It was simultaneously the most rule-bound and the most intuitive process I’ve ever been a part of.

🗯️ We're living in a state of disconnection with the natural world, according to professor Michelle Shofet.

Capitalism necessitates a state of disconnection from the natural world in order to exploit and degrade it. To harm, you need to be in a state of disconnection. If our economic system or culture were more rooted in connection to nature, it wouldn't be possible to behave this way.

🗯️ Sometimes the tide is just out. How Jewel overcame her depression.

She took a walk, and at a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, she sat down. “I sat there for about 8 hours,” Jewel said. “I watched the tide go out and then come back. It happens so slowly, so imperceptibly, but” She considered the possibility that the ebb and flow of the ocean was somehow like her mood, Jewel said, “And I thought, ‘sometimes the tide is just out.’ And that thought changed my life. Because I felt so sad, like my sadness would be forever. But watching the ocean tide out and back in, I realized that change is a basic law of nature and physics. And I’m part of nature and physics, so it would be impossible, it would be outside the laws of nature and physics, for my bad mood not to change.” That realization now allows Jewel to think of her stress and anxiety as not only manageable, but as natural, alive with the same forces that govern the universe. “To this day,” she said, “whenever I get sad, depressed, stressed, anxious—I say to myself, ‘The tide is just out. I don’t know how long it will take, but it will come back in because it has to: nothing is permanent.’ That’s what I choose to think, at least.”

Thanks for reading. Share it if ya dig it.

-Matt