👋 Hey, it’s Wes. Welcome to my weekly newsletter on managing up, driving growth, and standing out as a high-performing leader.

⛑️ Work with me 1:1 for executive coaching. I pour my strategic thinking into helping my clients as a sparring partner. If you’re interested in how I can support you, hit reply or fill out this form.

In this week’s newsletter, I’ll share an advanced technique for getting your feedback recipient to perk up and take action.

• Part I: The OARB framework (observation, assertion, repercussion, benefit)

• Part II: Make it feel visceral by using good logic

• Part III: Adopt a neutral posture & comment on the behavior, not the person

Read time: 8 minutes

It’s hard to persuade people to change.

Which is why I’m shocked at how many leaders choose to play on “hard mode” by ignoring truths about human nature when trying to drive behavior change in team members.

Three truths about human nature:

1. People care about how they look. No one wants to look bad, be embarrassed, or get kicked out of the tribe for being a loser. This is deeply wired in us. My friend’s 3-year old literally taught herself to potty train because she saw her 2-year old friend wasn’t wearing diapers to daycare anymore. She did not want to be outdone.

2. People want to get their fair share. Humans are wired to care about fairness, especially as it relates to getting what they feel they deserve. Everyone thinks of themselves as reasonable, but thinks OTHER PEOPLE are unreasonable.

3. People care about themselves first, then others second. We can put this in the bucket of “things I wish weren’t true, but are.” There’s no judgment here. This accounts for the tragedy of the commons, self-preservation, CYA (Covering Your Ass), and why you have to remind people to be empathetic.

If you want to drive behavior change, I believe you must take these truths into account.

Appealing to a person’s better nature—for example, by sharing the impact of a higher-order benefit like how their actions impact the team—might be enough to change someone’s behavior 70% of the time.

But for tougher situations where the person isn’t easily persuaded, you may want to bust out a tactic that’s more industrial-strength.

Enter: appealing to self-interest.

Part I: The OARB framework (observation, assertion, repercussion, benefit)

Appealing to self-interest is better for everyone.

They’ll stop doing what’s ineffective and start doing what works. You’ll spend less time convincing them to take your feedback seriously.

I created the OARB framework (Observation, Assertion, Repercussion, Benefit) to maximize the chances your recipient will understand what to change, why, and how they will benefit.

1. Observation: “When you say/do X….”: Describe their specific behavior or words

2. Assertion: “It makes you look/seem [bad thing]...”: Describe how they’re coming across negatively

3. Repercussion: “Which isn’t great because [impact on you]...”: Describe how they’re making life harder for themselves

4. Benefit: “If you do [suggested action], these good things might happen.”: Appeal to how they can make life easier for themselves or get more of what they want

I teach this to my executive coaching clients to help them feel more confident giving hard-to-hear, necessary feedback.

Here are a few examples of the OARB framework in action (with color-coding):

Example 1: A VP giving feedback to their director-level report

Observation: “When you don’t manage up or share what your team is working on…

Assertion: …senior leadership has no idea what you’re doing. I’m sharing this because I want to make sure operators who are doing great work actually get elevated and promoted within Acme.

Repercussion: If senior management doesn’t know what you and your team are contributing, then less hard-working people and less talented people are going to get promoted over you, which isn’t good for you or the company.

Benefit: If you take 10% of your efforts toward managing expectations and socializing ideas, you’ll be seen more as a leader, get more support, and face less skepticism. You mentioned wanting to get promoted, and at the VP level, you will have to do even more managing up. Now is a great time to practice being less in the weeds while the stakes are a bit lower.”

Why this works:

• Share logic the person would agree with: Most operators would agree that folks who do good work should get promoted.

• Appeal to their sense of fairness: They probably don’t want less talented people who are good talkers to get promoted over them.

• Quote the person back to themselves: They said they want to get promoted, so I’m framing this feedback through the lens of what they’d told me they wanted.

• Appeal to logic again: The reason to start practicing managing up now is because you’ll only have to do more of it later.

Example 2: An executive sharing feedback with a peer

Observation: “When you say ‘yeah sure’ to things you obviously disagree with, then proceed to do the opposite,

Assertion: …it makes you seem shady. People can’t trust what you say, because when you say ‘yeah sure’ it might mean ‘yes I agree’ or ‘no I disagree and don’t plan on actually doing this once I get back to my desk.’

Repercussion: This isn’t great because people will begin to doubt everything you say, and might question you more. You'll waste more time answering questions and convincing people, instead of focusing on the work.

Benefit: I understand that at the moment, you might feel weird disagreeing, so having a go-to phrase might help. For example, saying “Hmm let me think about that because I’m not sure I agree and I want to come back to this when I can explain my logic better.” That way, you’re not agreeing, and you’re taking accountability by trying to convince them of your POV. This might make your life easier.”

Why this works:

• Lay the foundation with an objective assertion: I assert that if “yes” could mean “yes” or “no,” this is rightfully confusing. I call this out clearly, respectfully, and directly. If they want to debate on why that’s not confusing, we can discuss it.

• Talk about the downsides: No one wants to spend time wasting time answering needless questions and making their own life harder.

• Anticipate the roadblock: Even if the person is convinced, they might not know how to disagree productively. (If they were skilled at dealing with conflict, we wouldn’t be in this situation.) So I proactively share a simple script they can use, which should persuade them it’s easier to change than they think.

Example 3: A CEO telling their exec to avoid being overly upset by disappointment/frustration

Observation: “When you get overly riled up and visibly affected when people don’t do their work on time…

Assertion: …it makes you seem like you lack emotional regulation. It makes you seem out of control and at the whim of what’s happening around you, which makes you appear more junior.

Repercussion: Other leaders feel like they need to talk you off a ledge or help you get back into the right headspace. As you get more senior, you’re expected to help OTHER people get in the right headspace, not need others to do that for you.

Benefit: If you have a more neutral reaction when people disappoint you, you can still be disappointed but seem more in control and seem more like an executive.”

Why this works:

• Tap into what they care about: No senior leader wants to appear more junior. Senior leaders deal with insecurity too, so they don’t want to accidentally create doubt in their legitimacy.

• Build on previous logic: Most leaders would agree that as you get more senior, you’re expected to help other people develop the right mindset and attitude. Therefore, it follows that they themselves need to be of the right mindset/attitude to support others.

• Be realistic: When I explain the benefits of not getting as riled up, I’m realistic that they might still feel disappointed inside. I’m not saying they should squash how they feel. I acknowledge the reality of the situation, which makes my point more salient because it shows I understand where they’re coming from.

Part II: Make it feel visceral by using good logic

Let’s say you’re giving feedback on why your team member should manage up more.

🚫 “Your lack of managing up isn’t working because clear communication is crucial for our alignment and the team’s success."

✅ “Your lack of managing up isn’t working because you’re currently spending 3x as long repeating yourself, addressing pushback, and answering dumb questions you think people shouldn’t be asking. You’re creating skepticism for yourself, then having to overcome that skepticism.”

Sure, aiming for team success is great…

Cue polite golf applause.

But shooting myself in the foot? Creating more work for myself? Making my own life harder?

These hit at a visceral level. These are concrete, visual, and appeal to self-interest.

When in doubt, avoid appealing to higher-order abstract benefits like “crucial for our team’s success.” Appeal to what’s raw and visceral. Aim to make your recipient FEEL something.

One thing to note: Emotion and logic are not opposites.

Rallying someone to take action is not about using stereotypically inspiring rhetoric. You’re not Mel Gibson in Braveheart. You’re not Viggo Mortensen rallying an army to fight Sauron.

In the workplace, what you’re saying has to actually make sense. It has to track.

People mistakenly think the way to get someone to feel is by appealing wholly to emotion. But you can actually get someone to feel something by having sound logic that appeals to their identity and worldview.

Good logic leads to your recipient feeling the reaction you want them to feel. When your logic makes sense from their perspective, they will change.

Part III: Adopt a neutral posture

For all this to work, your recipient must realize it’s THEIR CHOICE to change.

You’ve done your part by presenting your observation, assertion, repercussions, and benefits to them using the 4-part framework. But it’s ultimately their choice.

I like to say:

“You will keep being you, long after we part ways. This will serve you here and also beyond in your career.” 

People don’t want to be strong-armed. They don’t want to be forced to change.

You don’t want to persuade them from a posture of desperation. You want to present facts and observations, and in doing so, help them see the cost of continuing down the path they're on.

Comment on the behavior, not the person

I once worked with a CEO who had a habit of telling people, “I know you better than you know yourself.” It drove their direct reports nuts.

The CEO sometimes had good insights, but people were too busy feeling unfairly labeled to listen. His approach was counterproductive.

If you try to tell people how they are, their natural reaction will be to push back. In general, avoid making claims that sound overreaching because you will inadvertently invite people to debate you.

They’ll think, “You don’t know me. GTFO.”

Instead, comment on how a specific behavior makes them come across a certain way. 

🚫 “You are X.”

✅ “You come across as X.”

✅ “You seem X.”

This language is intentional because I don’t want to trigger people to argue with me. I’m commenting on my perception or other people’s perception of them.

This is harder to argue with than me proposing that I know who they are deep down.

I don’t know who they are deep down at their core—I only know how they show up at work and how they come across based on how they behave and what they say. So I’m sticking to facts and data points that are more objective.

If you use the OARB framework, your recipient is much more likely to really hear you—and act on your suggestion.

What did you find most helpful? Feel free to hit reply.

Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next Wednesday at 8am ET.

Wes

PS If you found this valuable, here are more ways I can help:

1. Follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn for insights during the week (free).

2. Check my availability to do a keynote talk for your team.

3. Work with me for 1:1 executive coaching. I find it extremely rewarding to give personalized guidance to ambitious leaders on unique aspects of their situation. Hit reply and I’d love to share more.