It’s about to take over…
there’s no way to stop it...
no one knows what it’ll do next…
and it may ruin the world.

I could be talking about AI or Donald Trump.

Actually, that’s got me thinking: Did Donald Trump invent ChatGPT?

Hear me out...

ChatGPT collects a bunch of different sources and mixes it all together like an information smoothie. That way, no one is actually responsible for what's being said. RIP attribution.

Basically, ChatGPT is the digital version of "Many people are saying..." And we all know who loves using that phrase!

Both ChatGPT and Trump have found a cheat code that lets ‘em spout as much BS as they want while still retaining plausible deniability. Pretty genius, actually. Lesson: We all better be on the lookout for when ChatGPT starts calling us “sir.”

Debate

How about that debate though? What a rough ride.

Biden constantly looks like a phone that needs to be charged. But hey, at least he’s out there taking advice from a crackh-

I guess every Walter White needs his Jesse Pinkman?

Of course there was PTFP (post-traumatic finger-pointing) from the Biden camp: "He was over-prepared and relying on minutiae when all that mattered was vigor and energy," one person in Biden's orbit told Axios about the awful debate performance.

He was over-prepared!? Um, sure. THAT was the problem. What does that even mean? Reminds me of this line from Major League…

Team Biden doing more spinning than this guy:

To be fair, it’s tough to convince people they didn’t see what they saw. Alas, what can we do? If only there was someone younger and more eloquent in his administration – maybe a military veteran who's already been vetted by the American public...

Rescue us, Mayor Pete!

Want a silver lining to all this? If Biden does NOT drop out of the race, at least it'll prove how much NY Times columnists are a bunch of ineffectual windbags routinely ignored by those who truly possess power.

Olds vs. youngs

Speaking of power, I'm tired of all the kvetching old folks do about Gen Z. Old people run the country. Young people run social media. One is actual power, the other is the mere illusion of power. Let's get it straight. This Biden meshugas is just the latest example.

Also, I hope young people realize how much all of this is batsh*t insane. No, this is not normal. Politics used to be boring and no one cared. It was glorious.

But now, no one dies anymore and we refuse to talk about it so young people are stuck on the outside looking in as everyone geriatric, from Dianne Feinstein to Lorne Michaels, cling to their jobs forever because apparently getting dinner reservations wherever you want is the sweetest feeling in the universe.

At least that’s what many people are saying.

My therapist keeps raising her rates which sucks 'cuz “insufficient funds” is what's driving me crazy and now I feel like I'm trapped in a weird spiral/feedback loop. You can help by getting a premium subscription. It ain’t much and you’ll get bonus stuff too. 👇

Quickies

🎯 I leave parties without saying goodbye all the time. Now I’m worried I’m culturally appropriating the Irish.

🎯 I feel like jazz musicians are just messing with us, like it’s just a big game of the Emperor Has No Melody.

🎯 There is no mainstream monoculture anymore. One side effect: There is no real counterculture either. When everyone’s focused on their own little bubble, there is no target for the underground to oppose. Punks needed the Queen.

🎯 Shakespeare Thee Stallion:
🎶 If you lift our booties, do they not bounce? If you freaketh us, do we not get nasty? If you buy us Versace, do we not goeth mad? And if you wrong us, shall we not walk all over thou bitch ass? 🎶

🎯 “Sparkling, still, or tap?” is a server’s way of asking, “You gonna be a cheapskate or what?”

🎯 We used to rage against the machine. Now, we have rage delivered by the machine.

🎯 Every AI person: "Look at how realistic this AI video is!"
Every normal person: "OMG, this is awful and terrifying. Please don't."

🎯 The biggest shift humanity has faced is going from not being able to get enough of what we want to getting too much of what we want. Whether it’s sugar or information, we keep going from never satiated to morbidly obese.

🎯 A community is just a mob that behaves.

🎯 FOX News isn’t meant to be the center of attention. It’s meant to be played in the background at a nursing home as a form of ambient fear.

🎯 It's no coincidence that conspiracy theories and weed spread all over society at the same time. The only duo more dangerous than drinking and driving is Googling on gummies.

Comedy

🃏 You can get jokes and quips on my social media: Instagram – TikTok – Threads.

🃏 Watch my standup at YouTube.

🃏 My other newsletter is Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. It’s about doing standup.

🃏 Listen to my podcast: Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby.

Or just go live your life. Fireworks emojis. Katy Perry song. Hot dogs.

-Matt