The other day in the UK, some of the newspapers were briefed on our government’s lockdown exit strategy ahead of our prime minister announcing it to everyone. Either the message was garbled or the editors overegged the pudding (most likely a bit of both) but the headlines the next day screamed about freedom and hailed the return to normality.

Given the mood of my newsletter last week, you would think I would be thrilled by this. Instead my stomach dropped and I immediately thought: “I’m not ready.” It was the definition of a gut feeling and I’ve been thinking about where it came from ever since. 

First of all and to get the facts out the way, there is the knowledge that our death and infection rates here are still awful and we haven’t mastered the mass-testing needed for the trace and test phase. As a country, we just aren’t ready. But I know there is a lot more going on behind that initial gut feeling than our government’s handling of the crisis. A part of it is it now feels normal and I’ve got used to it. I’m in this little bubble in the Shropshire countryside and suddenly normal life feels big and loud and scary.

Last week I was also given more food for thought. I got an email to point out that actually not everyone is having a bad time. The reader was from Germany and I know from friends that lockdown isn’t as severe there and the country has also been doing well in terms of managing the pandemic so perhaps there is a bit of a different mood there. However, I do have friends here who have confessed that they are actually quite happy. Lockdown has created situations that have worked in their favour and for that they are grateful. 

That email followed by the feeling that I am not ready for real life to resume really made me think about what is working for me and what I want to carry over to post-lockdown life because, of course, it hasn’t been all that bad and actually there are things I have really loved and am going to really miss.

Almost all the meals I have eaten have been homemade. I don’t miss the guilty feeling I get when I order yet another Deliveroo or buy an expensive lunch on the go because I was too busy or tired or lazy to cook. My new cycling habit is here to stay. Things will be different anyway as I won’t be in London having to get buses and the tube but I’m determined to keep cycling and now I have a basket on my bike, it will be a lot more useful. Yesterday I did my first ever shop on the bike. 

I also love the feeling I get when I manage to fit my daily exercise allowance into a busy day. I have found that I can always find the time even if it’s just for a short walk around the block. It does wonders for me. Getting outside is one of those things that I always knew was good for me but didn’t always prioritise. I know it’s cliche, but I really have found myself appreciating the little things like all the different shades of green I can see when out and about. I have also loved spotting flowers and photographing them for friends, which you will know about if you follow me on Instagram.

I am loving the unscheduled phone calls (read this piece if you want some inspiration on this) and the return of snail mail as a way to stay in touch and let people know you are thinking about them. My favourite was a care package from a friend I used to work with. It felt like Christmas. I’m also loving yoga classes over Zoom, which has taken me by surprise. I know a lot of yoga teachers might be surprised to read this but in some ways I prefer it to studio yoga. I do miss the atmosphere and the adjustments but I love not having to rush to a studio, get changed and try and get in the mood only to start feeling amazing before I am thrown back out into the traffic and busyness again.

The other thing that has surprised me is I am drinking a lot less. I thought the opposite would happen but actually I have found I am enjoying one or two glasses and then not really wanting more (apart from Saturday nights when my friends and I do a pub quiz over zoom and I might have a bit more). I’ve had one proper hangover in two months, which was enough to put me off doing it again. Of course, I cannot wait to be able to go to the pub again and I do want to let my hair down and go dancing with friends when we’re allowed but I definitely don’t miss the horrendous hangovers I usually get. 

There is also the dating side of things. I am enjoying that nobody is asking if I have met someone. In many ways the pressure is off but equally when I have gone onto the dating apps during lockdown, I have been surprised by the difference. I have had more conversations with guys in the last two weeks than I have in the whole time I lived in London. Admittedly I wasn’t on the apps much but honestly, the chat was always dire and it was clear people just wanted a hook-up. I don’t know how long this will continue but it is nice to actually have a conversation with someone, and because I often shy away from actually meeting them in person, it has also been nice to have a chat knowing I can’t meet them for a while. 

If lockdown was suddenly over tomorrow (which it isn’t actually going to be), it would be easy to let many of these things slip away. I would also have to suddenly face up to how my new life in Shropshire is going to work given I’m not going back to London. It’s a big adjustment and lockdown has protected me from that in many ways. The pressure would be back on to find someone, my spending may skyrocket again and I know I’ll look back and wonder how I made it through lockdown without reading a single one of my lockdown reading list and without writing a single word of the book I’m meant to be working on. 

But it’s out of our hands and I think I’m still going to take each day as it comes until the idea of leaving lockdown, when it actually does happen, becomes less scary. 

Stay safe, 

Nicola

Twitter: @TheSingleSupp | Instagram: @TheSingleSupplement

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What caught my attention

Marriage? Kids? Career? The Pandemic Has Intensified Women's 'Panic Years'

I love this by Nell Frizzell and it echoes the feelings I shared in last week’s newsletter. Nell’s upcoming book The Panic Years isn’t coming out until next year now thanks to the lockdown but it’s definitely going on the book club list. This is how she describes it: “Those years characterised by decisions – some apparently small, some big, some so fundamental that you can only bear looking at them out of the corner of your eye. What do you want from your career, what makes a good relationship, where do you want to live, who are your real friends, how much money do you really need, and the big one – the constant hum beneath everything you do – doyouwanttohaveababy?” As Nell says, the pandemic has intensified the panic, particularly when it comes to the last point.

We Are Single Parents In A Pandemic. We're Coping But Don't Forget Us

This is a really beautiful piece of writing by the lovely Genevieve Roberts about single parents and how it has felt to be in lockdown on your own with children. She also addresses the tough choices single people who are key workers have had to make and asks that the government not forget about those who are parenting alone during this crisis. I think this paragraph will resonate even for those without children: “I support lockdown. But with friends in my solo mums network talking of increased levels of depression, I’m concerned. If single adults – with children and without – aren’t able to link up with other adults, will we have have a new mental health curve to flatten, too.”

Touch saved me from loneliness. What will we become without it?

This ode to touch is so powerful and she is so right about the importance of touch. She says: “We all know the significance of touch. We know babies who experience physical contact show increased mental capabilities in the first six months of life. Touch makes your brain grow. And we know that those seriously deprived become aggressive and develop behavioural problems. Touch is how we become part of this human community. So here we are in the middle of this pandemic, knowing our cough can potentially kill; our body could be a lethal weapon. How do we make sense of this? How do we live with this unbearable skin hunger?”

The lowdown

• This afternoon at 5pm, I’m once again hosting my weekly Instagram live. This time it is with Tola Fisher who I met last December when we were both guests on the same podcast (An Honest Account, listen here!) She is the author of Still Standing: 100 Lessons From An 'Unsuccessful' Life, which you can buy here.

• Our weekly hang out is back to Tuesday evening this week. Come join me and other single people around the world for an informal hangout on Zoom. Sign up on Facebook or here is the direct link. 

• Don’t forget we will be having The Boob Club (book club) over Zoom next Saturday morning! You can sign up here or this is the direct Zoom link (Meeting ID: 898 6060 9646 Password: 599384)

• I wanted to tell you about two things I supported this week. Firstly, thirty chefs and food writers have donated recipes to a beautiful cookbook, which is raising money for an organisation feeding children in lockdown. It’s an e-book and I was sent it this week and it’s seriously lovely.

• The other thing is Positive News, who I am a regular contributor to, is raising money to get copies of the magazine sent to NHS workers to give them something optimistic to read on their breaks or after work. The campaign is doing so well but needs a bit of help to reach their target.

About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. 

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